May 28th, 2013 / 6:23 pm
Behind the Scenes

WTF Is Happening In My Shower?

Even if you’ve never showered with me (hey ladies!) you know some weird things are going on in there.

photo (13)

From top left:

The shampoo is “Daily Clarifying.” Meaningless, but okay.

The shaving cream has “Pro-Soothe Technology.” Seems badass. It was developed in Silicon Valley, maybe.

The conditioner has egg whites, milk, and oil. It could make you an omelet.

The first conditioner on the bottom is “Volumizing.” Seems good. It’s a budget conditioner, so they probably don’t have copywriters. They came up with the name “White Rain” and fired all the creative people. Done.

The face soap has “bursting beads.” 9 out of 10 terrorists prefer it. Another of its claims is that it “wakes you up.”

The last conditioner is new age-y, left by a former roommate, the weirdest thing about it is that it has “7 Healthy Hair Nutrients.”


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  1. Robert Michael O'Brien

      Looks like some of those proteins are “ultra whipped”

  2. Adam Robinson

      The regular whipped ones wouldn’t stay in the bottle.

  3. mimi

      my beloved sister, who was a german major in college, who now resides in germany, and who does free-lance translating, has a some-time gig translating advertising copy (and product labeling maybe?) from english to german

      she’ll call me on the phone to ask me things like “what does ‘ultra-whipped’ or ‘white rain’ or ‘pro-soothe’ actually MEAN to you?”

  4. A D Jameson

      The eutregena shave cream is for men with ensitive skin.

      Adam, I didn’t know you had ensitive skin.

  5. Brooks Sterritt

      i wash my hair with pizza

  6. shaun gannon

      more of this

  7. Jeremy Hopkins

      “inquiring minds”

  8. mimi

      so long as you don’t eat your pizza with hair

  9. guywatchingbowling

      we keep finding very tiny black-ish worm-like creatures under our conditioner and shampoo bottles, so i never feel alone when i’m showering.

  10. A D Jameson

      I see you also have rishing conut milk. How is that? Do you like it?

  11. JosephYoung

      I’ve used the rishing conut milk and I can tell you it’s a great ditioner.

  12. A D Jameson

      Is it fate-free and is it riched? And will it sturize while repairing and thening my hair?

      Bonus points it its tic grance is like an cape to the pics.

  13. elizabeth ellen

      i’ve never known a dude to use conditioner. then again, you do have amazing hair! you seem more high maintenance than i would have guessed. i dig it.

  14. deadgod

      English for Selbst├╝berwindung.

  15. bemightee

      yeah i agree more of this would be a good thing.

  16. bemightee

      what do you use for conditioner?

  17. Brooks Sterritt

      garlic sauce

  18. Wallace Barker

      “7 Healthy Hair Nutrients”

      Hair is dead, right? It’s just dead cells. So, it can never be “healthy” and giving it vitamins or nutrients doesn’t make any sense.

  19. Jeremy Hopkins

      People can say, “That’s a healthy stack of papers,” to mean it’s a lot of papers, which doesn’t really apply to hair, but it does demonstrate the fact that words are literally impossible to define, understand, or utilize effectively.

  20. K.K.B.

      I obsessively peel off all the labels because when I’m sleepy and relaxed in the shower I suddenly started realizing that my mind was chanting all these weird phrases from the shampoos and it freaked me out.

  21. Adam Robinson

      Actually, none of the conditioner is mine. I think both the new age stuff and the coconut stuff were a roommates who moved out over a year ago. The White Rain could be something I bought, but I’ve never used it. The shaving cream, I think, is three years old and belonged to the guy who lived here before me. The face soap was left by my friend Craig over a year ago.

      I use the conditioner once in a while if I’m going to do something really special, like receive an award.

  22. Adam Robinson

      And this is the first time anyone has ever told me I have amazing hair. Thanks!

  23. cwinnette

      Wait, this is going to sound like a stupid joke, but I actually, literally, only use conditioner… Other dudes don’t use conditioner…at all? I’ve got the worst fucking barber…

  24. Adam Robinson

      You use conditioner but not shampoo?

  25. cwinnette

      That’s what my barber said to do. Or to shampoo like, every now and then, but not much. I’m going to edit out that “actually, literally,” because it’s sort of an overstatement, but still…

  26. mimi

      did you know that shampoo is the best thing to use to hand wash a 100% wool sweater

      and if your 100% wool sweater is a little itchy when you wear it, put a little conditioner in the rinse water, that’ll soften it right up, get rid of the itchiness

  27. mimi


  28. Adam Robinson

      New! Anti-itch Formula 2000!

  29. Mark Cugini

      this is a thing fancy barbers tell people with fancy hair. Consider yourself handsome, buddy.

  30. E. Nelson

      Every time I go to take a shower, I take off my scapular and then have a brief panic of “If I slip, fall and crack my head open in the shower, does that mean I lose my “Get out of hell free” privilege because I wasn’t wearing it?

  31. mimi
  32. gdurham

      Body wash with bits of rice in it.

  33. lily hoang

      dude, adam robinson, you are wonderful.

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