January 21st, 2012 / 7:06 pm

Kama Sutra, Baby

Penguin Classics is releasing a new translation of the Kama Sutra, the ancient spiritual sex manual (yes, it’s much more than that, I know) that  people pretend to know all about when they want to impress a date. Or, maybe I saw that in a movie once. This new version, translated by A.N.D. Haksar,  has been adapted to modern lives. It’s the Kama Sutra, for the people, now featuring wit and charm.

Penguin has offered to give a copy to a lucky reader, so I’m having a contest! To enter, invent a new sexual position that belongs in the Kama Sutra. Leave your entries in the comment field. The best one wins and you have until Wednesday, the 25th. This will be fun, I hope. I’ll also throw in Running the Rift by Naomi Benaron, The Fallback Plan by Leigh Stein, and also some galleys TBD.

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  1. thaleslira

      The Facebooker: The couple poke each other until maximum pleasure.

  2. Ethan

      I want to poop back and forth. I’ll poop in your butt hole, and then you’ll poop it back into my butt. And we’ll keep doing it, back and forth, with the same poop. Forever.

  3. Roxane


  4. Frank Tas

      The Pearl Harbor – When you make a movie of yourself having sex and the movie comes out really really badly.

  5. Frank Tas

      So you can’t post without being on disqus now, huh? This is going to confuse me a lot more than it should!

  6. Daniel Bailey

      the illumination: when JSF masturbates under his desk while his manuscript in progress cums light all over his face

  7. Helen

      The shelver: In a bookshop, on top of a big pile of books, while both partners are reading AND blogging about it. And both looking charmingly deshabille.

  8. Ethan

      hikikomori unprotected tentacle cybersex

      amputee cheerleader threesome love triangle

      micropenis full penetration nostril banging

      Thank god we can comment on htmlgiant again.

  9. Evan Hatch

      that’s far less funny then the name made me expect it to be

  10. Frank Tas

      You were thinking some sort of bukkake thing?

  11. deadgod

      Rather than ‘unfunny’, the Pearl Harbor is going to involve a display of explosive orgasm that’s energetically unpersuasive.

  12. mimi

      Dr. Strangelove – When you make a movie of yourself having sex and the movie comes out really really funny and really really good.

  13. Michael

      The MFA in Creative Writing: In the midst of having sex, stop. (Optional: tell your partner that this part “just isn’t working for me.”) Fall asleep clinging to your partner and weeping silently. Wake up abandoned, work on your manuscript.

  14. Anonymous

      The Panini – sex in a functioning tanning bed. A hot, melty, crispy-on-the-outside mess.

  15. Nancy Nixon

      me and you and everyone we know

  16. Anonymous


  17. tyler lebens

      The Liz Lemon: order a pizza and eat it missionary style.

  18. M. Kitchell

      the heterosexual:  when one or more partners come and then immediately fall asleep before helping you to achieve orgasm

      the anti-capitalist:  enjoying sex without caring whether you or any of your partners come

      the vicious viscous circle:  positioning oneself in a somewhat awkward position that places your genitals directly over your mouth as you prop yourself up on you shoulders or neck.  at the point of orgasm aim for your mouth & immediately swallow the come.  repeat ad nauseum. 

  19. marshall


  20. Anonymous

      the pretentious:  when you stand naked in front of, and stare into, a full length mirror and jerk off to your own reflection.

  21. Vidit Narang

      The 66/99:

      When two egotistical people fight over who goes down on whom first.

  22. Matthew Ruben Selitsky Daniels

      The iForn: Standing, both partners hold mobile device in right hand and lock arms so that they face opposite directions and each looks at his or her respective mobile device. With left hand, reach beneath and between partner’s buttocks. Dial. Accept.

  23. prateek

      rather than invent a new position it’d be nice to actually know the old texts for what they already experimented and figured, rather than what we have deciphered from hear say and shallow contemporary translations…wabisabi

  24. Nathaniel Siqueiros

      The Across the Universe: The ability to give one another an orgasm from a distance.

  25. Anonymous

      The Ron Paul Real Talk Presidential Nation Express: Dream of something that will never cum. 

  26. Kama Sutra, Baby: Pick Your Position | HTMLGIANT

      […] entries for the Kama Sutra contest were so great, I need help picking a winner. Feel free to vote in the comments by listing the number […]

  27. Roxane

      You had the most likes, so you win, Tyler! Email me your address at roxane at htmlgiant dot com and you will get free books.