October 13th, 2008 / 2:21 pm
Mean & Web Hype
all internet writers are fucking pussies and i could kick all of their asses
look around you. is there a cat? are you experiencing existential problems? are you currently refreshing your network browser to see if that other disembodied internet person has furthered the argument about what surrealism is? do you read the believer? did you just laugh at a story on mc sweeneys about what it would be like if franz kafka had a little league team? do your poems suck really hard? and are you a pretentious asswipe? well then my friend, you are an internet writer. wait now, hold on, put those really skinny arms down, i’m not looking to fight it out with someone who experiences depression on so grand a scale as yourself. no doubt you’ve had it bad. but seriously, fuck you. you are passive, halfway philosophical, you write the same fucking autobiographical stories using the same contrived depression and angst and i could beat your fucking ass in a heartbeat. that’s right, i’m not even going to continue intellectually. i could kick all of your asses. so close your macbook pro (and stop ripping on whoever, most likely dave eggers or john updike because i am sure they are weeping onto their keyboards and listening to bright eyes, cursing that “writerdude78″ just called them a “sellout”) and email me your address so i can come to your house and beat your skull in with my hand. i know this will alienate me further since like, or something, like physical violence is existentially fucked and like, you just want to write poems about being a pussy, and you can’t get hard anymore and you’re too busy defending someone else on their blog from a random commenter, like it even matters, but seriously, there is not one writer on the internet, with the exception of barry graham, who looks like he might be able to kick my ass, who i can’t fuck up. i hate everyone. the very idea of mean week is because you’re all pussies. fuck you. suck my cock. stop being a neurotic pussy and write something that makes you want to throw up when you read it.
Tags: asswipe, fuck you, fucking ass
i understand now why people are afraid of you.
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My arms are not skinny.
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now i know why sam is sending out free chapbooks
he wants our addresses
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i fantasize about sam using the shift button
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When is it boob posting day again around here? I am rather bored at work.
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Refresh.
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The McSweeney’s story was about Gregor Samsa coaching football, you shitbag.
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you’re about as hard as smashing pumpkins
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the band and the act itself, both
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1721 Missouri St.
Houston, Tx 77006
I’ll take all comers.
Be sure to bring a towel to sop your blood up off of my front lawn.
You’ll be lucky if I don’t feed your spleen to my family.
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this might be the truest post yet
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the photo is disturbing.
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219 n. wright st.
siloam springs, ar
72761
i want you to beat me naked.
do not mind my stalwart erection.
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Speaking of pussies, out of 11 contributors you have only one female.
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Sounds like a typical nerd house party to me.
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there are pussies, and then there are people who are afraid of pussies (like all 12 yr old boys? and rightly so…)
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i will use the addresses above to mail chapbooks
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that’s what i thought
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I just cut off Barry Graham’s head and now I’m waiting for you.
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Hey Kevin, that’s not nice about Barry.
Barry, if it’s true and your head is in one place and your fingers are in another, find a keyboard and tell me where your head is so I can go get it for you. And then you can go kick Sam’s and Kevin’s asses.
Sam, what’s wrong with you?
What’s wrong with everyone?
(Please don’t be mean to me. I’m just having a hard time with all this meanness. And I felt bad when I read that about Barry. I like Barry. I don’t think it’s funny to make jokes about his head.)
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i apologize ma’am. i don’t know what is wrong with me.
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Thank you, Sam. Now go forth and mean it up again!
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barry does look like a badass. i bet he drives a car with flames down the side and/or eats large amounts of raw meat.
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i am laughing
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barry drives a mini-van
it is true. kevin chopped off my head. only because we were in a bar and i told everyone that kevin had no penis so i pulled his pants down to show everyone and fuck, he really had no penis, so he cut my head off and stapled it where his penis should have been. so now. i am kevin sampsell’s penis.
and i still drive a mini-van.
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a mini-van with fucking flames. and a sick bumper sticker that says ‘if you can read this, go fist-fuck yourself’ in blood.
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total boner explosion
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you guys are all a bunch of pussies
boo hoo
go fret over your bullshit existence
none of you are very special
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After I stapled Barry’s head to my pubes his raging body knocked me down and it blindly cut off my head and stapled it to his groin. Now I can’t see what the hell I’m typing and my cock is a big Barry Graham head. Big and mean!
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jereme dean is a choad
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ryan manning preys on teenage girls
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Nice man. I think the same way.
Fuck all these nerdy wimpy shiteaters! I verbally, mentally, and physically, can and will kick their asses!
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