Random
Top 5 WILFs
A WILF is a ‘writer I’d like to fuck,’ our new enterprise conceived by contributor pr. Since I really like the idea of hypothetical fucking, I cannot contain myself and have posted a top 5 list:
1. VIRGINIA WOOLF
That Virginia Woolf was a lesbian may explain the impractical choices in women I still have which sustained my virginity to an embarrassing point which shall not be disclosed at this juncture. That she has been dead for seventy-some years does not implicate any penchant for necrophilia — for I don’t literally want to ‘fuck’ Virginia Woolf at this point in her decomposition — I simply would have wanted to, had I been more of a man in England at the break of the twentieth century; she at the ripe age of eighteen.
2. PAUL AUSTER
That Paul Auster is a man may explain the impractical choices in women which let to the aforementioned exasperated virginity. I’m straight, but fuck that guy is gorgeous. When I think of his New York Trilogy, I think of his dong and ballsack. I went to his reading once and every woman almost had an orgasm when he spoke. I quivered a little myself, though it was probably just gas from my burrito.
3. LORRIE MOORE
Lorrie’s Moore’s heroines are always having affairs with men more ‘interesting’ than their earnest, somewhat obtuse, husbands. There aren’t any sex scenes, only the restrained disappointment of the following morning. Her sadness is our sadness: the resignation of only having someone in between you, never fully inside. Oh Lorrie, can’t I be your ‘interesting’ morning after disappointment? I promise to say the wrong things for material.
4. NOAM CHOMSKY
During college in some art history class, we were assigned to read Chomsky. I assumed he was a women, however erroneously, because of the feminine vowels in his name. In seminar I started referring to Noam as a ‘she,’ and my T.A., no doubt a feminist (this was Santa Cruz, California), was so impressed at my progressive gender blindness that she gave me a B despite me having misunderstood Chomsky entirely. I still like to think of ol’ Noam on the rag, goin’ menstrual about war n’ shit.
5. JIMMY CHEN
We all know Woody Allen’s joke ‘don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love,’ so I won’t bore you with the details. I’d just like to point out that he’s the best two-minute lay that’s been published in fucking elimae, though he never calls me back.
Tags: Jimmy Chen, Lorrie Moore, Noam Chomsky, Paul Auster, Virginia Woolf, WILFS
WILFS…. nice
WILFS…. nice
“I’m straight, but fuck that guy is gorgeous.”
come on now jimmy, no one here believes you’re straight. ha
“I’m straight, but fuck that guy is gorgeous.”
come on now jimmy, no one here believes you’re straight. ha
down with armchair revolutionaries
down with armchair revolutionaries
oh chomsky. that bit chuckled my laughboobs
oh chomsky. that bit chuckled my laughboobs
barry is my numer ONE wilf
oh shit- this made me think of a new thingy- writers I’d like to beat the crap out of! For mean monday! I would like to beat the crap out of lorrie moore sometimes. Whoah. Maybe I should go write? I gotta go clean up alarming amounts of cat piss. Maybe later.
prbgprbgprbg
hi barry, i’m straight. htmlgiant had a private email briefing in which we discussed the vernacular of homosexuality, and how we shouldn’t be so glib about it. please never call me that again.
hi madore, my chair is comfy.
hi crispin, thanks for checking into my blog the other day.
hi barry, i’m straight. htmlgiant had a private email briefing in which we discussed the vernacular of homosexuality, and how we shouldn’t be so glib about it. please never call me that again.
hi madore, my chair is comfy.
hi crispin, thanks for checking into my blog the other day.
fuck lorrie more
fuck lorrie more
good post
good post
i feel happy nw
i feel happy nw
I used to love Lorrie Moore, and now I resent her. Wierd. I’m sure it is because of my own emotional problems. Still- writers I’d like to beat the shit out of? Bring it on Contributors!
Also, Jimmy- that pic of you is fantastic.
jimmy:
i dont know the word glib. you gotta dumb it down when you’re talking to me.
pr:
PR is my number ONE wilf.
i dont want to beat up any writers. if i do i’ll let you know.
jimmy:
i dont know the word glib. you gotta dumb it down when you’re talking to me.
pr:
PR is my number ONE wilf.
i dont want to beat up any writers. if i do i’ll let you know.
i am going to sound like a misogynist here but i haven’t found a female writer i ‘get’.
sure there are attractive ones but i don’t think physical comeliness is the reason for wanting to fuck a writer?
it is more about feeling a connection to the person or their writing.
i am going to sound like a misogynist here but i haven’t found a female writer i ‘get’.
sure there are attractive ones but i don’t think physical comeliness is the reason for wanting to fuck a writer?
it is more about feeling a connection to the person or their writing.
jereme:
i get what you’re saying, but you’re taking it too far.
there are plenty of females i’d fuck. whether they were writers, fast food workers, or circus clowns.
the really question is… is there a woman who is otherwise unattractive you to but you’d fuck because their writing is that great. hmmmmmm.
jayne anne phillips
you know who this is but im going anonymous in case jayne anne reads this and then i have no chance to fuck her when im in jersey this summer.
jereme:
i get what you’re saying, but you’re taking it too far.
there are plenty of females i’d fuck. whether they were writers, fast food workers, or circus clowns.
the really question is… is there a woman who is otherwise unattractive you to but you’d fuck because their writing is that great. hmmmmmm.
jayne anne phillips
you know who this is but im going anonymous in case jayne anne reads this and then i have no chance to fuck her when im in jersey this summer.
John Updike, when he was 24. Kathy Acker, whenever. I couldn’t handle her, obviously, but an experience!
John Updike, when he was 24. Kathy Acker, whenever. I couldn’t handle her, obviously, but an experience!
um, Mary Gaitskill? I feel like this works whether the standard is the writing or the vital stats of the writer. Or any combination thereof.
um, Mary Gaitskill? I feel like this works whether the standard is the writing or the vital stats of the writer. Or any combination thereof.
oh, and Jane Austen, obvs.
oh, and Jane Austen, obvs.
justin. i dont know what she looks like. send me a link.
mary, not jane
justin. i dont know what she looks like. send me a link.
mary, not jane
i just wiki’d her…..
fuck, justin.
heather o neill
http://www.harpercollins.com/authors/30326/Heather_ONeill/index.aspx
i just wiki’d her…..
fuck, justin.
heather o neill
http://www.harpercollins.com/authors/30326/Heather_ONeill/index.aspx
I thought A.M. Homes was really attractive based on her book jacket pics, but I just found out she’s almost fifty. Those pics are deceiving.
I thought A.M. Homes was really attractive based on her book jacket pics, but I just found out she’s almost fifty. Those pics are deceiving.
speaking of WILFs. you know who’s birthday it is today????
speaking of WILFs. you know who’s birthday it is today????
if we pick a dead writer, we still mean we’d do them when they were LIVING, right? it’s a subtle point — and in the case of kathy acker, probably moot — but I just wanna be clear…
if we pick a dead writer, we still mean we’d do them when they were LIVING, right? it’s a subtle point — and in the case of kathy acker, probably moot — but I just wanna be clear…
dave:
living or dead… pffff. its virginia woolf. does it matter?
this may or may not be a parable
dave:
living or dead… pffff. its virginia woolf. does it matter?
this may or may not be a parable
frederick jameson because i think he would be a gentleman
frederick jameson because i think he would be a gentleman
Anne Sexton because then she’d write a poem about how it wasn’t as good and satisfying as her previous suicide attempt.
Anne Sexton because then she’d write a poem about how it wasn’t as good and satisfying as her previous suicide attempt.
fuh-nny!
fuh-nny!