Mean
Mean Monday: I Am A Pussy But I Don’t Like Everything I Read
PUSSY
I am too much of a pussy to post really truly mean shit. In fact, recently I profusely apologized to someone here for making them angry. That said, if you fuck with me, in real life, I will NEVER forgive you. I hate that about myself. I am a terrible grudge holder. I often find people like me who are huge grudge holders are conversely very loyal friends. Makes sense, though, right? OK! Here are some books I thought were not very good for various reasons:
Who Will Run the Frog Hospital? By Lorrie Moore—I read this book in manuscript form when it came out. I loved her stories at the time. After reading this book, I was very angry and had indigestion. It made me hate big publishers. Maybe if I read it now, I would like it. Really. ( I suck at being mean?) Someone tell me you thought this book was ass, too. Also, no question marks are allowed in book titles. It’s the law.
A Map of the World, By Jane Hamilton—I actually was very engrossed in this novel. I ENJOYED it. But as soon as I finished it, I felt like someone had taken a crap on my head. I thought, BITCH! The villian is a divorcee “bad mother” who likes sex too much? It is very hard to offend me. This book offended me.
Man, I just pussed out. I might add more stuff to this if I keep drinking.
The Intuitionist, by Colson Whitehead — I didn’t finish this book because it was too slow going for me. I am not worthy of this book. Also, though- I found it bloodless. I like my books bloody. I feel badly not liking this book. I should check out his book about band aids. He wrote a short little thing about Lousie Erdrich for the O’Henry Prize one year that irritated me, too. And speaking on meanness, his cover piece for the Times Book Review on Richard Ford bummed me out. Why the hate? Did the guy ass rape you? No. It was too mean for my taste.
Angelina Jolie—I feel really stupid not liking her. I thinlk it is mostly boob envy. But I also got creeped out by her adopting a boy at the age of two whose mother lived at the orphanage. I felt sorry for the mother, who had a drug problem. I also really dislike the changing of names of adopted kids at age 2. Also, I thought the whole in vitro cause she was in a hurry thing was beyond wierd. Ever heard of fucking? What the hell?
The Loved One, by Evelyn Waugh–OK, lots of people think this book sucks so I am not alone. I love Waugh. I can’t think of one bad thing to say about Handful of Dust or Brideshead Revisited. But this one? English dude (that would be Waugh) mocking California and pet cemeteries? I still worship Waugh. But this book made me pause- it made me think- at some point, if you don’t quit drinking, your brain becomes a piece of shit.
October Ferry to Gabriola, By Malcolm Lowry—I did not finish reading this book. I would even bet money the person who edited it when it got published didn’t finish reading it, either. It’s a good book if you want to take a nap, which I often do. I nap almost every day. Also, I didn’t finish Under The Volcano, either. So fuck you.
BAD BAD, by Chelsey Minnis—Every now and then, I buy a book of poetry. I cannot tell you why I bought this one, I don’t remember, but I did buy it. I know shit about poetry, so this opinion here>- means nothing. I did not enjoy or feel admiration for this book. Sorry! I truly feel badly that I feel this way. Here are some quotes that are things I did not like:
Preface 45I’m so smart I deserve a kiss on the forehead…Even though I am hurting inside like a megalomaniac…Even so, I’m not going to any more poetry school
…. ………………………………………………………..………………………………………………………………………..…………………………………………………………………………………………..…………………………………………………….
This book made me feel stupid. And you know what? That is maybe a good thing in the universe, but it made me not like the book.
OK! That’s it! Also, all these things I don’t like? I still am impressed with the authors. They have accomplished much. I still wish them well. Truly.
Tags: evelyn waugh, Lorrie Moore
i liked who will run the frog hospital
i liked who will run the frog hospital
pr,
i dunno about the lorrie moore one. i can tell you i picked it up in the bookstore, read about 5 pages, was very bored and put it back.
angelina jolie is fucking annoying and not that hot. why the fuck won’t she tell us what her dad did to her as a child? i want to know that. she makes out with her brother for a reason. it ain’t because of 80’s television.
this was a good line
“it made me think- at some point, if you don’t quit drinking, your brain becomes a piece of shit.”
I should give it another look. I did not like it, but I read it 18 years ago. That said, the fact that I REMEMBER not liking it says something, no? I was stunned. It was a big disappointment at the time.
I stand by my no question marks in titles idea though.
pr,
i dunno about the lorrie moore one. i can tell you i picked it up in the bookstore, read about 5 pages, was very bored and put it back.
angelina jolie is fucking annoying and not that hot. why the fuck won’t she tell us what her dad did to her as a child? i want to know that. she makes out with her brother for a reason. it ain’t because of 80’s television.
this was a good line
“it made me think- at some point, if you don’t quit drinking, your brain becomes a piece of shit.”
i love lorrie moore’s short stories — the endings are goose-bump endings for me all the time. but i tried WWRTFH and didn’t ‘get it.’
i also don’t ‘get’ waugh. i tried like 5 of his books and read half-way and thought to myself, ‘am i supposed to be laughing?’ he’s the type of writer i want to ‘get’ but don’t.
imagine if flava flav’s ‘get up get get down’ was about understanding english satire. that would be cool.
i love lorrie moore’s short stories — the endings are goose-bump endings for me all the time. but i tried WWRTFH and didn’t ‘get it.’
i also don’t ‘get’ waugh. i tried like 5 of his books and read half-way and thought to myself, ‘am i supposed to be laughing?’ he’s the type of writer i want to ‘get’ but don’t.
imagine if flava flav’s ‘get up get get down’ was about understanding english satire. that would be cool.
i don’t know much about angelina jolie. a lot of guys adore her, but she’s just another woman to me. it makes me sad to see women feel bad about themselves because of other women. sometimes i think i would feel so much better about myself if there wasn’t competition with other women.
you shouldn’t envy angelina jolie (or her boobs). you are pretty, pr.
i don’t know much about angelina jolie. a lot of guys adore her, but she’s just another woman to me. it makes me sad to see women feel bad about themselves because of other women. sometimes i think i would feel so much better about myself if there wasn’t competition with other women.
you shouldn’t envy angelina jolie (or her boobs). you are pretty, pr.
jimmy- handful of dust is one of my all time favorite books. but he wrote some bad ones. brideshead is pretty brilliant too. don’t give up on him.
gena- you are sweet. i like overt competition or honest kinds. like- lets arm wrestle! I played competitive billiards for years. I do hate passive aggressive stuff, backhanded stuff. i threw angie in there to be silly. i love boobs. if we can admit we have envy, it makes it go away, i find. if you go- i don’t care she has big boobs!- but you really do care, well then it gets bad. its about owning up to my true feelings! Then they don’t own me. this is my dumb opinion. (also i was working on an “adoption” piece and have been for ages…I find it a fascinating subject).
thanks for the mean monday post.
im glad i havent read any of these books.
im not a fan of angelina either but i wouldn’t mind fucking her.
thanks for the mean monday post.
im glad i havent read any of these books.
im not a fan of angelina either but i wouldn’t mind fucking her.
BARRY!!!!!
Who will run the Angelina Jolie fucking hospital?
Who will run the Angelina Jolie fucking hospital?
She has five nannies and some other staff. She’s got tons of peeps running shit left and right.
I think she should do an Annie Sprinkle thing and let us look inside her vagina. Then maybe I wouldn’t dislike her so much.
http://www.anniesprinkle.org/
Sometimes when I read Richard Yates’s Revolutionary Road, I wonder: Why do peeps like this depressing shite? Ain’t they already been done one betta by they’s Emma Bovine, she a tha cuddle?
Sometimes when I read Richard Yates’s Revolutionary Road, I wonder: Why do peeps like this depressing shite? Ain’t they already been done one betta by they’s Emma Bovine, she a tha cuddle?
mr. smith- i love yates. look at revolutionary road as a -as i said about handke- a testament to the need for women to have reproductive rights. really. it is more than that, but that is one big thing.
do you mean bovary? flaubert? that book was really goooooood. maybe i misunderstand you?
i watched an interview with leo and kate last night on pbs (yeah i was that bored0 about revolutionary road. it was decent, for a pbs interview.
thanks for the annie sprinkle link. great stuff.
bovary was good??
bg+pr
i watched an interview with leo and kate last night on pbs (yeah i was that bored0 about revolutionary road. it was decent, for a pbs interview.
thanks for the annie sprinkle link. great stuff.
bovary was good??
bg+pr
pr,
i don’t think i like competition much. i am meek and do not like confrontation most of the time. sometimes i do make backhanded comments, though. i should probably stop.
as far as women go, i think shakira is much more beautiful than angelina jolie. and she speaks spanish. she is quite lovely. i think i am going to listen to her right now.
pr,
i don’t think i like competition much. i am meek and do not like confrontation most of the time. sometimes i do make backhanded comments, though. i should probably stop.
as far as women go, i think shakira is much more beautiful than angelina jolie. and she speaks spanish. she is quite lovely. i think i am going to listen to her right now.
p.s. i am not supposed to view that annie sprinkle website, hah.
p.s. i am not supposed to view that annie sprinkle website, hah.
pr loves bg soooo much.
madame bovary is unputdownable. and to mr smith’s credit- good connection, the two books. I find them very very connected in the best way. Also, here is some shit i am going to say that maybe everyone know but here goes it- madame bovary is FUNNY. Dark funny. I can’t say enough about how great that book is. rr and bovary is connecting in my mind to handke’s book. so much lit has a strong subtext of the need for women’s rights. sorry that sounds all boring and shit. but it is so there for me.
barry-annie sprinke is one of my heroes. barry-thank you for appreciating the link. she was a true pioneer is the sex positive feminist movement. she;s up there with susie bright.
let’s flirt, barry. I Love you.
i read the first couple of pages of who will run the frog hospital and i didn’t read any more of it.
i read the first couple of pages of who will run the frog hospital and i didn’t read any more of it.
Gena- you do whatever makes you happy and what you know is right. I do like arm wrestling. I really do. I lose all the time! And it doesn’t bother me so much- a bit- but I know I gritted my teeth and put my whole self into it. It’s so straightforward! I do get all hurt when people say shit like “I like your shoes” but they actuallly mean i am a dork and are mocking me. But GENA- don’t you worry about a thing. The world is huge and life is ongoing. You mean well. That is what matters. BTW-I am super jetlagged and drinkiing and found cigs I hid from myself.
i’ve never experienced jetlag. i learned how to avoid it in psychology though.
i’ve never experienced jetlag. i learned how to avoid it in psychology though.
Hi Sam!
I got your play from that mudliscious press today? I got three things. Your thing was so my fave. Congrats, Man. On doing the work, and having others get it out there. I HEART Sam Pink. I thought about you cause I was just in the land of nazis. I told my parents about your heidegger post with the ” hi, i am a nazi” caption.
And thank you THANK YOU- for saying you weren’t grabbed by that Moore book. Jimmy didn’t like it either. I feel all guilty when I don’t like something. But I got a little loose tonight and admitted to some negativitiy.
pr:
lets not stop at cyber flirting. lets touch and lick and hold hands and breathe on each others skin and fall asleep on a worn out futon with our feet touching. i’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes in the morning and they will crumble when i flip them and i will feed you the pieces.
since your intellectual capacity exceeds my own, im gonna go ahead and give bovary another read. right after i finish nick antoscda’s FIRES. sorry if i fucked your last name spelling up nick. you’re book is killer. i’m in love with ruth. wow.
gena:
shakira?
i like that chick who plays the confessor on legend of the seeker. dark hair and pale skin and freckles and that white dress. she’s a cutie.
pr:
lets not stop at cyber flirting. lets touch and lick and hold hands and breathe on each others skin and fall asleep on a worn out futon with our feet touching. i’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes in the morning and they will crumble when i flip them and i will feed you the pieces.
since your intellectual capacity exceeds my own, im gonna go ahead and give bovary another read. right after i finish nick antoscda’s FIRES. sorry if i fucked your last name spelling up nick. you’re book is killer. i’m in love with ruth. wow.
gena:
shakira?
i like that chick who plays the confessor on legend of the seeker. dark hair and pale skin and freckles and that white dress. she’s a cutie.
Gena- how does one avoid jet lag? I am curious. I travel a lot- my parents live in europe and as soon as we have any free cash- i buy tickets to somewhere. travelling east is much harder than travelling west. But either way, you do both. Unless you travel south- my fave- then there is no jetlag. You can be on a plane to buenos aires for 10 hours- but when you get there? Onnly a one hour difference. Tonight, I am my on my second night of travelling west, a 7 hour difference. So, it is almost 11 here. That makes it almost 6 in the morning where i just was.
I love shakira too. she has small boobs. i saw her perform once- she was AMAZING.
pancakes BARRY!!!! Barry Barry barry barry….
pr,
You might find this comment by David Rylance at Dodie Bellamy’s blog interesting: http://dodie-bellamy.blogspot.com/2008/08/davids-comment.html . That comment inspired me to check out Bad Bad from a local library. I didn’t get into it, but I found David Rylance’s take on it fascinating.
pr,
You might find this comment by David Rylance at Dodie Bellamy’s blog interesting: http://dodie-bellamy.blogspot.com/2008/08/davids-comment.html . That comment inspired me to check out Bad Bad from a local library. I didn’t get into it, but I found David Rylance’s take on it fascinating.
also, barry, my intellectual capacity doesn’t exceed your own! That is silly. I have been making a big effort to not make fun of how old I am- and failing to do so of course- but you are so silly to think I am more intellectual than you. I watch hockey. you don’t. it breaks my heart. why no hockey? why? I love banging on the glass after a check. I am low brow. tell me you love me anyway. but at least we can both agree on annie sprinkle?
Hey Jeff,
thanks for the link and I will check it out tomorrow when I am not uh-late nighting. I really like Dodie Bellamy. I own Barf Manifesto from Ugly Ducking Presse. I think you are being kind to post that link and understanding what I said which was –I don’t kow shit about poetry. So thanks for being so evenhanded here. I really appreciate it.
pr:
oh i dont mind banging on glass, i just prefer my sports violence in other forms, mixed martial arts. beating someone until their bones break and their ears burst open and shoot purple fluid. cages and blood and kneecaps and elbows and choking people unconscious.
you are much smarter than i am. i promise.
that dodie chick looks bad ass.
if you are traveling somewhere and think you will get jetlag, you should stay outside in the sun until it’s dark when you get to wherever you’re going (hopefully it’s daytime when you get there). since light inhibits the melatonin your body produces, you should be fine all day and sleepy when night arrives and melatonin is produced.
it seems like it would work, maybe.
pr:
oh i dont mind banging on glass, i just prefer my sports violence in other forms, mixed martial arts. beating someone until their bones break and their ears burst open and shoot purple fluid. cages and blood and kneecaps and elbows and choking people unconscious.
you are much smarter than i am. i promise.
that dodie chick looks bad ass.
if you are traveling somewhere and think you will get jetlag, you should stay outside in the sun until it’s dark when you get to wherever you’re going (hopefully it’s daytime when you get there). since light inhibits the melatonin your body produces, you should be fine all day and sleepy when night arrives and melatonin is produced.
it seems like it would work, maybe.
Yes. Gena, trying to align oneself with the light helps, exposing oneself to the light of whereever you are. It does help.
Barry- not that I know Dodie personally, but,yeah, she is badass. Her”Barf Manifesto” moved me. I loved it.
Barry- Ok – I talked about banging on the glass after a check. But another thing- the elegance of skating! Of skating backwards? To me, as a sport, it is this gorgeous mix of violence and profound delicacy. My heart sings when I watch hockey- I mostly watch AHL- a bit different than NHL- and much cheaper.
pr:
there is beauty in mixed martial arts. do you watch any of it? you should. just once and tell me how it was.
i like figure skating….
when the chick is russian and looks like she’s 16 and pale and brusied and shows me her cooter when she does one of those leg lift things.
speaking off. i met these circus lady. she did that trapeze thing where you climb the pole and do flips and shit. when i seen her up close the insides of her thighs were bruised and red and ripped. but they looked solid. vice grip solid.
pr:
there is beauty in mixed martial arts. do you watch any of it? you should. just once and tell me how it was.
i like figure skating….
when the chick is russian and looks like she’s 16 and pale and brusied and shows me her cooter when she does one of those leg lift things.
speaking off. i met these circus lady. she did that trapeze thing where you climb the pole and do flips and shit. when i seen her up close the insides of her thighs were bruised and red and ripped. but they looked solid. vice grip solid.
frank mir is a deadly man
frank mir is a deadly man
diego sanchez is a mean bitch for a little guy.
diego sanchez is a mean bitch for a little guy.
diego sanchez is a mean bitch.
he has the mental game down early. most fighters don’t get it or get it late.
diego sanchez is a mean bitch.
he has the mental game down early. most fighters don’t get it or get it late.
if angelina jolie wrote a book i would read it and it would probably be my favorite book.
if angelina jolie wrote a book i would read it and it would probably be my favorite book.
I have not watched mixed martial arts but maybe I should. I do watch boxing with great pleasure.
Barry – you are a thigh man! You know who has the best thighs in the world? Elena Dementieva. I am laughing now this morning. You and your figure skating chicks and their special parts. You are funny. If I could fuck any professional athlete, I think it would be Sidney Crosby. Or, like, any hockey player. I like the no teeth thing.
I have not watched mixed martial arts but maybe I should. I do watch boxing with great pleasure.
Barry – you are a thigh man! You know who has the best thighs in the world? Elena Dementieva. I am laughing now this morning. You and your figure skating chicks and their special parts. You are funny. If I could fuck any professional athlete, I think it would be Sidney Crosby. Or, like, any hockey player. I like the no teeth thing.
Wow,I am feeling normal today but I still found David’s comment and all the other comments a bit overwhelming with the academic jargon. That said, it seems like he likes her work and that other dude Jasper doesn’t. But Jasper, like me, likes Dodie’s work. Anyway, I read little poetry and don’t have the background to enjoy her book. But I did buy it because I thought it was going to be good, or something I would like. I thought it was going to be like this Susie Zeus (someting like that I do remember bloomsbury published it) novel in verse thing that I DID like. This happens from time to time. some contemporary poets whose books I bought in the past few years are Belle waring and major jackson. I also like Jennifer Knox. Elizabeth Ellen. But it is not my world. I primarily read short fiction.And largely, when I do read poetry, I read dead people.
Wow,I am feeling normal today but I still found David’s comment and all the other comments a bit overwhelming with the academic jargon. That said, it seems like he likes her work and that other dude Jasper doesn’t. But Jasper, like me, likes Dodie’s work. Anyway, I read little poetry and don’t have the background to enjoy her book. But I did buy it because I thought it was going to be good, or something I would like. I thought it was going to be like this Susie Zeus (someting like that I do remember bloomsbury published it) novel in verse thing that I DID like. This happens from time to time. some contemporary poets whose books I bought in the past few years are Belle waring and major jackson. I also like Jennifer Knox. Elizabeth Ellen. But it is not my world. I primarily read short fiction.And largely, when I do read poetry, I read dead people.
To answer Lorrie Moore’s question, I think it’s possible that the Veteran’s Administration will run the frog hospital, and run it badly, and possibly amputate legs unnecessarily, and sell them to wholesalers in the interest of “economic efficiency.”
Or maybe the frog hospital will be run by Julianne Moore (hello, nurse!), and subsidized by Paul Thomas Anderson, since he be the muthafucka that injured all them frogs when he was doing his out of Egypt act on the set of Magnolia.
Could it be that the frog hospital will be run by Toad, since Frog and Toad are friends?
If the frog hospital is, in fact, a hospital for frogs, I do hope that Kermit won’t be sent there if he’s carrying that cold virus that killed Jim Henson, on account of the frog hospital is likely run by humans rather than frogs, since frogs don’t have opposable thumbs, and can’t operate the machinery.
Perhaps the frog hospital will be painted green, to keep everyone feeling froggy, just in case the anesthesia don’t like work and shit.
I hope the frog hospital will be located nearby to the high school dissection lab, because I’ve seen the fuckers there, and they needs it.
I also hope it will be located nearby to the throat of Bruce Springsteen, because he hath a frog in it, and that poor bastid been suffrin fa years.
“Rock out with your frog out!”
– Stephen Dixon
To answer Lorrie Moore’s question, I think it’s possible that the Veteran’s Administration will run the frog hospital, and run it badly, and possibly amputate legs unnecessarily, and sell them to wholesalers in the interest of “economic efficiency.”
Or maybe the frog hospital will be run by Julianne Moore (hello, nurse!), and subsidized by Paul Thomas Anderson, since he be the muthafucka that injured all them frogs when he was doing his out of Egypt act on the set of Magnolia.
Could it be that the frog hospital will be run by Toad, since Frog and Toad are friends?
If the frog hospital is, in fact, a hospital for frogs, I do hope that Kermit won’t be sent there if he’s carrying that cold virus that killed Jim Henson, on account of the frog hospital is likely run by humans rather than frogs, since frogs don’t have opposable thumbs, and can’t operate the machinery.
Perhaps the frog hospital will be painted green, to keep everyone feeling froggy, just in case the anesthesia don’t like work and shit.
I hope the frog hospital will be located nearby to the high school dissection lab, because I’ve seen the fuckers there, and they needs it.
I also hope it will be located nearby to the throat of Bruce Springsteen, because he hath a frog in it, and that poor bastid been suffrin fa years.
“Rock out with your frog out!”
– Stephen Dixon
Mr. Smith, you are not only a great football player, but you have a wonderful way with words. I love Frog and Toad books. Love them.
http://suzyzeus.maggierobbins.com/
that’s the book I was hoping BAD BAD would be like. it wasn’t. but that’s fine- diversity is good!
i liked the loved one, i wrote about it in my novel called “the hated one”
just kidding, i didn’t write a novel
but really, i liked the loved one
i liked the loved one, i wrote about it in my novel called “the hated one”
just kidding, i didn’t write a novel
but really, i liked the loved one
OK, it was one of the books listed above that I finished. But, come on, after Handful of Dust and Brideshead? I twas his “late work”, no? Very lite stuff. Makes me want to quit drinking, sort of.
I hated Salman Rushdie’s FURY with a passion. It’s one of the few books I stopped reading and never went back to. What made me mad was how crappily it was written, I knew the Sal-man could do better.
I hated Salman Rushdie’s FURY with a passion. It’s one of the few books I stopped reading and never went back to. What made me mad was how crappily it was written, I knew the Sal-man could do better.
jereme:
i also like those brothers. mick and nate diaz. they are sick scrappy brawling bastards.
pr:
im not a thigh man, per se. there are lots of things that make women sexy. really i just love women.
if i could fuck any pro athlete i’d have to go with the russian girls gynastics team. all at once.
jereme:
i also like those brothers. mick and nate diaz. they are sick scrappy brawling bastards.
pr:
im not a thigh man, per se. there are lots of things that make women sexy. really i just love women.
if i could fuck any pro athlete i’d have to go with the russian girls gynastics team. all at once.
barry,
yeah they are. a couple of wigger dicks but they are down for their shit.
i miss pride. rules were so much better and they actually let the fighters establish the ground game.
too many american mma fans are ignorant. the refs too.
barry,
yeah they are. a couple of wigger dicks but they are down for their shit.
i miss pride. rules were so much better and they actually let the fighters establish the ground game.
too many american mma fans are ignorant. the refs too.
yeah, i agree, i like some of the pride rules.
old school ufc, gracie and those guys, they used to let the ground game go on forever. i watched a fight once where they were on the ground doing nothing for what seemed like a fucking hour. so in some regards im a fan of not letting that shit go on all day.
i think the problem with americans when it comes to mma fighting is, they wanna see knockouts and cool characters…. its all vince mcmahon’s fault.
yeah, i agree, i like some of the pride rules.
old school ufc, gracie and those guys, they used to let the ground game go on forever. i watched a fight once where they were on the ground doing nothing for what seemed like a fucking hour. so in some regards im a fan of not letting that shit go on all day.
i think the problem with americans when it comes to mma fighting is, they wanna see knockouts and cool characters…. its all vince mcmahon’s fault.
Pussy is an English word meaning cat.
Pussy is an English word meaning cat.