Jimmy Chen—
Being underrated is overrated; being overrated is sad; Being John Malkovich was okay; Being and Nothingness was on my shelf unread for five years; Five years by Bowie is great; greatness is overrated, not that I would know; knowledge is not knowing; knowing is stupid, you know?
12
God damn it
Hindu god Vishnu got eight limbs, and so does this toddler who they say is a reincarnated god, though science will tell you the extra four limbs are from a ‘parasitic twin’ (sounds like a relationship). Hindus don’t eat cow cos cows are holy, which is where “holy cow” comes from — Protestants wanting to curse, but not at their own god. Hindus won’t eat beef, Jews won’t eat pork, and I won’t eat pussy; yes, we are all self-absorbed. Christians see Jesus everywhere, mostly on toast. Toast is an example of its verb manifesting its noun. Let me help: bread → toaster → toast. The other kind of toast involves champagne and having to lie about liking someone.
Charming, but explain the wrist watch
“Time is not a thing, thus nothing which is, and yet it remains constant in its passing away without being something temporal like the beings in time.”
— Martin Heidegger, Being and Time (1927)
I’ve been accused of finding photos which incriminate authors, which I’ll gladly admit to, but the above photo/quote mash-up illustrates my skepticism towards philosophy, especially ontological mathy ones. Dude needs to relax and have some weisse bohnensuppe (German bean soup). It’s awesome ripping apart the palpable world on page, but Heidegger needs time just like everyone else — when his appointment with his proctologist is, never mind that they’ll only find beans and thyme.
Words about words
My mom thinks Alzheimer’s is “old timer’s” because that’s the demographic. When she says Blockbuster really quick it sounds like “black bastard,” though she rarely says it anymore because she’s given up on movies. The word “that” in Chinese Mandurin is “nigga.” Salmon does not carry salmonella. I used to think “croque-madame” (a french ham and cheese sandwich with a sunny side up egg on top) was named that way — as supposed to the sans egg “croque-monsieur” — because women have eggs and men don’t, or that the egg looked like a breast; turns out the egg resembles a women’s hat, that’s all. In Lost Boys of Sudan, the african dudes newly arrived to the United States made soup out of crackers because crackers don’t have intructions. I witnessed a therapist at a physiatric ward ask a bunch of suicidal paitents “If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?” She was trying to get them to think about the good things in life, though it was misphrased. She played “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M and told us that is an example of how sad feelings are strong, and to be careful. (Don’t worry, I was not a patient there). Bastards are impossible, thanks to sperm. Asian massages are more than massages. Asian messages are more than messages. “Live as though you are already dead,” said some monk. I would, but I have to get groceries.
Jimmy Chen—
"Redundant Clock" by Ji Lee
Keep thinking about this gag joke, and it becomes something more — some new numeric system; an existential 12 hour carousel; a sign that can only point to itself at the right moment, if moments were full minutes; the wrongness of its arms betwixt the hours, as if struggling for their own signs; the zen koan of it always being now o’clock.
Dick Context
Last night I told a male co-worker slash friend that I had a lot of good meat for him. I was in a hurry to give away CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) meat that my wife had ordered from an expensive organic farm, as I didn’t want it to go bad like our previous batch. This morning I re-read the text and realized the innuendos, if taken without context. My co-worker slash friend had never received a call or text from me; I had his phone number for some incidental reason. My co-worker slash friend does not know that I am not a homosexual or pervert. I am just a guy he works with, a guy who one night abruptly told him that he had a lot of good meat for him. This morning I texted him explaining that the “good meat” was not my penis, in a diplomatic way that did not explicitly mention my penis. Words have meaning, but so do the areas around those words. There were some wieners though, so cosmic/semantic harmony is not completely lost on us.
It’s a bird it’s a plane
I wonder if Scribner, publishers of Don Delillo’s Underworld (1997), thought much about their cover after September 11, 2001. Delillo’s novels work high off prophetic allusions, almost desperate for dystopia, so the cover detail above showing a bird approaching the side of one of the World Trade Center towers seems like sad good luck (not to mention the twin towers in his last name). No social commentary is complete without a passive-aggressively placed Cross, a solemn mark increasing the +3000 headcount by 1. It’s all math they say, the number of copies sold, which is why massive books are not sold by the pound. To be nominated for a National Book Award is to lose, no matter how shiny the embossed sticker is. If Don tells you that at a party, you’ll know he got that from me.
The Five Stages of Zack de la Rocha
THE FIVE STAGES OF ZACK DE LA ROCHA
1. Denial that the washing machine is being used.
2. Rage against the machine, but mostly at his roommate who waits do to seven loads of laundry at once.
3. Bargaining with roommate for temporary use of the machine, and also who’s turn it is to clean the bathroom.
4. Depression over the fact that he’s 40 years old and still lives with a roommate (that and Capitalism).
5. Acceptance that he will not be doing any laundry, and that he has a Ph.D. in Anthropology.
Thomas Jefferson, make up your mind
“We will be soldiers, so our sons may be farmers, so their sons may be artists.”
— Thomas Jefferson
“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”
— Thomas Jefferson