Rauan Klassnik
http://rauanklassnik.blogspot.com
author of three collections: Sky Rat (Spork, 2014), The Moon's Jaw (Black Ocean, 2013) and Holy Land (Black Ocean, 2008) ... ----- @klassnik ------
What Famous People’s P$ss$$s Look Like
[ Just as Shakespeare jauntily lifted and displayed pieces from his great store load of words pertaining to and characterizing people’s privates (including “nothing,” a favorite among feminists!) I have decided to whip out here some closely guarded tidbits about famous people’s pussies. So, come on, slap your thighs, crunch peanuts in the pit, and gaze up, all forlorn, at the sultry clouds.
And, above all, enjoy. ]
everyone adores a cute little pig!
A non-pregnant Kim Kardashian’s is a furry teacup pig on its day at the spa. Showing off its nails and gleaming skin. The clit’s a snout and it makes gorgeous and empty little squeals that no man can resist.
poor thing!
Paris Hilton’s is very much like a starved Flamingo curled up into a sad ball on the fringes of the high-acid waters of some South American crater lake. The sky’s filled with hotels and jails and at night the stars crowd in like ghoulish paparazzi. . . And the starved flamingo shivers like a scared Chihuahua that pees on Paris’s marble floors whenever it’s afraid or excited.
(Cormac McCarthy’s trying to work this dish into a new disaster novel). READ MORE >
Seattle Author Spotlight (1) — Richard Chiem
I’ve lived in Seattle for a little over two years now and since AWP, the big show, is coming to town next year I thought it might be a good idea to introduce you to some of its stand-out authors. (I plan to do this periodically. ra ra ra.) And you’ll get the sense, after a while, that Seattle has a strong and growing lit scene. (the first year or so I just stayed in and took baths all day, but now I’ve ventured out and discovered some of what’s on offer. and there’s a lot.).
The first spotlight’s of Richard Chiem. Richard’s great to read, talk to, be with, has great energy, and is very shrewd, kind and edgy. Richard Chiem and I kind of hit it off right away and have gone on walk talks together. Ice cream and pizza sit talks too. We talk all sorts of shit: UFC, literary Gods, Collage Methods, Fucking the Reader, Dwarves, etc, etc. And this weekend we’re dim sum double dating!
So, anyways, Richard Chiem’s Seattle Author Spotlight consists of a brief interview, Bio and photo.
Brief Bio:
Richard Chiem (b.1987) is the author of YOU PRIVATE PERSON, a collection of short stories published by Scrambler books. His work has appeared in Thought Catalog, CityArts Magazine, and Everyday Genius, among other places. Richard lives in Seattle with his girlfriend and their loud cat. He is currently working on two novels.
Brief Interview:
Rauan: How does Seattle make, or make it into, yr writing? (plz be brief)
Richard: When I write about rain right now it’s about Seattle. But other than those few instances, Seattle hasn’t made it to the foreground quite yet. But I love this city. It’s finally my home. I am thinking about writing a novel about a cult or secret colony in Seattle. There seems to be a lot of things here waiting to shock and be discovered.
RK: To give our readers a taste could you plz quote a sentence or two from yr debut collection of short stories, You Private Person (aka YPP, which, for the record, I think’s a novel) (plz be brief) ?
RC: ‘Love feels like a thing people eventually learn to live without like tonsils or god.’
RK: The voice in YPP comes off as quite a “sensualist,” enjoying the transformations before sex, etc. Your thoughts? (plz be brief)
RC: I don’t know if you did this, and it was a thing I started to do when I was younger, but whenever I had a pain in my left hand, or a bump or scar or something, I would check my right hand to see if the same thing was there. I would do this with friends too, meaning if I was having some fucked-up day, I would ask if they had fucked-up days too. I learned how alone I was in some moments, and how common some experiences really were among my peers.
I value the little scenes, sometimes sensory observations, that make up our long boring ass days. In how we mirror each other. Or not at all.
Richard Chiem (w/ Frances)
Best of Twitter (1)
Since most of you probably don’t have time for bullshit Twitter (or if you are a tweeter then you know that it all goes by in a terrible whir) I’ve decided to post up, periodically, a Best of Twitter that features best and helpful tweets. This is part of the “new Rauan.” The helpful and gentle Rauan. Awwwww.
And, so, anyways, here’s the first installment!
1) “The issue of POETRY that you’re sorry you haven’t seen yet #landays” …….. (Poetry Foundation — @PoetryFound)
Rauan’s Comment: no comment
2) “Time to fuck shit up Shakespeare I’m coming for you brah” …….. (Kalen O Donoghue — @Kalen_ODonoghue)
Rauan’s Comment: Brava! Brava! We should all have such attitude (& diction)!
3) “The depth of reality is ■ many shadows weave ■ ebbing love and bonds ■ plowing emotions to leave.” …….. (Denise — @Moinees13)
Rauan’s Comment: a Classic
4) “covered in stars
the jewel of
the night
stares
from those eyes..#museinlove” …….. (S.E. Thompson — @dreamersteve_99)
Rauan’s Comment: a Classic with impressive line breaks
5) “@Klassnik marry american or get the fuck out of our country” …….. (Reb Livingston — @rebliv)
Rauan’s Comment: this, shudder, is a note from an “abusive” friend
6) “morning opens you up like a toddler with a blowtorch” …….. (Scribble — @scribblymouse)
Rauan’s Comment: the Mouse doing what the Mouse does best
7) “AMAZING NEWS ! We have secured our Opposition Day debate on the Badger Cull. Wednesday! PLEASE WRITE TO YOUR MP NOW. #stopthecull” …….. (Dr. Brian May — @DrBrianMay)
Rauan’s Comment: Save the badgers, God damn it!
8) ” ‘Cum For Bigfoot’ is free as a bird! Grab a copy today and “Whoooaaaarrrr…. #free #bigfoot #monstersex #sasquatch” …….. (Virginia Wade —@VirginiaErotica)
Rauan’s Comment: this is an excellent read
9) “Remember how Commander Data in Star Trek TNG could listen to eight symphonies simultaneously? I can do that with Mexican food.” (Eric Raymond — @pontiuslabar)
Rauan’s Comment: genius
10) “A-Rod has disgraced the blessed @Yankees organization, lied to the fans & embarrassed NYC. He does not deserve to wear the pinstripes.” …….. (Donald J. Trump — @realDonaldTump)
Rauan’s Comment: nugget from the gold mine (seriously,everyone should follow this guy)
11) “Dammit, my baby’s eating dog shit again.” …….. (Trailer Swift — @IamTrailerSwift)
Rauan’s Comment: yeah
And since I know I’m going to get thousands of thank-you notes for this let me, in advance, say “You’re welcome! You are very, very welcome”
Tweet-Tweet
In Memoriam Blake Butler (1979-2009)
on the train... receding, receding, receding.... (sniff, sniff)
Yes, sadly, Blake Butler passed away last night. The omnipresent electronic friend-of-everyone expired in an insomnia-induced rage of language and, like the Monty Python parrot in that famous sketch, is now an ex-Blake.
No more, alas, will schoolboy-grinning Blake Butler apocalypse creation in every sentence. No, strike that! In every phrase! No, strike that! In every syllable.
Make room now O Pantheon of young ones ripped from us far too early. Jesus, move over. Joan of Arc, a little to the left. Catullus, get your cock out of JFK’s ass. And give Blake some space. (and Seth, quit gawking).
And, Mr. Chicago pastry-delicacy chef get your ass in gear (so safe on earth) and start on something. Seth was a swan– what will you make of Blake? A peanut butter rabbit? A marshmallow weasel? A treacle beagle? woof-woof!
And just thinking now of Man’s Best-Friend I am bawling. Bawling, bawling, bawling.
What internet void has our great leader Blake Butler left? What cold and massive black hole of rubbish will form around his e-grave?
And, no, Blake Butler is not dead. This is a fake obit.
And I’d like to see more actually. Bring them on.
Greener (and sweeter) pastures now-- bawl, bawl, bawl,.....
Didi Menendez’s Portraits
Jenni Russell
Click on image to see Didi’s 2009 collection.
PennSound– Hearing a Poem, etc,….
and in to the brain
There’s something about hearing a poem. The brain engages differently than when you read it off the page. And today there are great on-line libraries full of writing recorded in the author’s voice. Like PennSound.
PennSound has recordings of hundreds of poets. Dead and alive. Famous and not so famous. Ashberry, Berrigan, Crane, H.D., Jorie Graham, Ezra Pound, W.C. Williams, Charles “The Hammer” Simic, James Tates, etc etc….And these files are all downloadable. So, you can listen to them on your Ipod while going for a walk. Or on the subway. Etc. Etc.
Sometimes when I can’t sleep (usually about 4 or 5 a.m.) I’ll listen to Berrigan’s Sonnets. They make all sorts of tired sense to me when I’m in bed listening to them. But when I try to read them on the page they’re virtually meaningless.
Rauan Klassnik—
Eileen Myles interviews CAConrad
“What Blake was to the 19th century, you’re being to the 21st. Kind of an outsider shaking his fist at capitalism and the ludicrousness of it by examining its smallest unit, which is an individual, or the family.” (Eileen)
4
Justin Marks- An HTMLGIANT Exclusive— strip clubs and “If there were more presses, we’d have more books, and that can only be a good thing.”
Preparing to Strip ???
To follow’s a brief interview with Justin Marks, author of a Million in Prizes
Rauan Klassnik—
Spoken Word at the White House!!
to read about this evening and to see video performances click here
and who says poetry is dead!!??
Day of the Dead Altars
the great blogger?
Today, our plaza’s filling up with Day of the Dead Altars. Flowers, decorations, photos, information about the deceased, cigarettes, and of course, food and drink. And this makes me think about how I’ll be remembered. How any of us will be remembered. As wrestlers, plumbers, lovers, drinkers, writers, bad or beautiful bloggers?
What’s my altar going to look like? And will it be next to Seth Abramson’s? What’s going to adorn Blake Butler’s altar? Justin Taylor’s? Amy McDaniel’s? Adam Robison’s? etc, etc……I’m in a rush to see. But, we’ll be there soon.
So, what’s yours going to look like? What contain? Who will visit it? Who will care? Who will stand in front of your remembered image and paraphernalia and declare “Damn that guy was Amazingly Verbose”??
wrestler or plumber or blogger??