SMACKER
I’m going to become a millionaire when I invent an invisible, self-directed, ambulatory device that slaps people’s stock phrases right out of their mouths. (Even mine. Especially mine.) “At this point in time.” “To be completely honest.” I had a crazy boss who would always ask for the “quick and dirty version” of something or the “soup to nuts version” of it. That was kind of entertaining, though.
My creature will look like Big Dog, except invisible and with a smacking hand.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHJJQ0zNNOM
FYI: Publishing is Dying Again Because Garrison Keillor Says So
Another day, another obituary for the publishing industry which, despite countless instances of garment rending for its death, somehow manages to continue… not dying. Garrison Keillor begins his lament by naming all the fancy writers he ran into at a fancy New York party, the implication being that he doesn’t quite belong in the fancy writing world and yet, there he is. Of course, because this is Garrison Keillor, he has to make an aw shucks reference to the Midwest and continues to offer his bona fides as a man of the people because he drives a car with 150,000 miles on it. That’s such a quaint practice when it’s a choice, driving a car into the ground. For people who cannot afford a new car, 150,000 miles probably holds considerably less charm. Keillor does this, of course, to remind us, yet again, that he is not one of the publishing glitterati. He is a stranger in a strange land, or at least, that’s what he wants us to think so he can continue hawking his down home Midwestern charm and wisdom, or what some might call, schlock.
Violin Hating: Nerd Fight
A few months ago, I was on this really big nerdy Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto kick, and I listened to more versions of the piece than I’m comfortable mentioning, usually one after another like crack. Somewhere along the way, I found out about the Tchaikovsky Competition, which led me to a goldmine of translations of the concerto. Well, you know YouTube works, and one click led to another, until I’d watched all the finalists for the competition during its various stages.
A few years ago, Mayuko Kamio won. Here is an excerpt of one of the stages of the competition. It would seem as though everyone had to play Waxman’s Carmen Fantasy, which I don’t particularly care for, I much prefer Sarasate’s version, but whatever.
Her interpretation of Waxman is problematic, sure. Think what you will about her playing, what I care about most is how people responded in the comments section. They’re brutal. Most of them seem to have a working knowledge about music, though they’re probably not actually musicians. Many of them are racist. At least no one was blatantly sexist.
Racist Racists Pass Racist Law Enshrining Racism in their Shit-Eating Racist State
Well, whatever you do, don’t be brown in Arizona. This is so massively fucked and evil. Happy Friday!
Schadenfreude Freakout Party!
Considering that I don’t have cable or broadcast television in my home, and that the entirety of my TV-watching consists of hulu’d Simpsons, South Park and Daily Show episodes (plus of course the biannual celebration of Let’s Netflix A Whole Series of Something, Probably West Wing Again), I’ve been surprised and delighted at my own sustained interest in the NBC-inspired Late Night Free For All. I have been watching the YouTube’d clips with enormous enthusiasm and rapt attention. Here, David Letterman–who seems to be the true winner in Leno V. O’Brien, and in any case is the horse I’d back over any and all of the rest of them–sort of takes us through the “controversy”‘s major movements. But don’t just take his word for it. Bother yourself to get over to this Gawker post that catalogues all the major snarking and bitchery from all of the Late Night shows, including the weird episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live! in which JK impersonates Leno for the entire duration of the episode.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A98_-EeXS_I&
Get Down Moses
I. If you enjoy it when people come over and casually browse the spines of your bookshelf, you are a nerd.
II. When your literary journal is a wordpress/blogger subdomain using one of their templates, I imagine someone who felt they wanted to be an editor for 20 minutes, during which time they started said journal.
III. When your literary journal has per inch/pixel ‘wrap text’ margins (vs. defined paragraph width), despite how wide the browser is, such that a full paragraph reads as one single line the length of a child’s arm, I feel bad and don’t read the stories.
IV. When your blog’s color/font specs are antagonistically provocative (blaring colors, extremely small or large fonts) only crazy or bored people who think you’re charming will read your blog.
V. When your friend with the ’20 minute set-up’ blog template journal nominates you for a pushcart, it just means he/she put an envelope with some paper in it in the mail, sorta like sentimental recycling. You weren’t ‘realistically’ nominated.
VI. When you diss on someone more successful than you, you’re just being human. When diss on someone less successful than you, you’re just being a dick.
VII. When you dismiss people for either having or not having an MFA, for being or not being a particular gender or race, or for just liking a book, band, movie that you don’t like, you are being provincial.
VIII. When your third-person bio is longer than the flash fiction piece it’s accompanying, that’s fucking lame.
IX. If you are lucky enough to get ‘fan e-mail’ and you don’t respond (even if it’s just “thanks, I appreciate it”) because you are ‘busy,’ or in some sick way you think not responding to fans further legitimizes your fame, you are an asshole.
X. If you think I’m a dick, you should have a drink with my dad.
This is Why Black People Always Seem Angry
Once again demonstrating a baffling deafness for tone and a pathetic grip on reality, Publisher’s Weekly offers this as the current issue’s cover:
I don’t even know where to begin in deconstructing this bizarre image. The black woman as the exotic, wild creature with crazy hair is not, perhaps, the wisest choice of images. Why not just have Venus Hottentot bare breasted and holding a book parading around the cover? Also, can we talk about the fact that black people haven’t had afros that required picking for roughly 20 years, save for a few people who like a little throwback and even then, they aren’t walking around with a head full of picks? The saddest detail of all may well be the black power fist at the end of each pick (see: Black Panthers, 1960s, things we have let go). What does this image have to do with writing? What is the message PW is trying to convey? This image is offensive and weird and creepy and that the people involved in the editorial process didn’t stop to ask themselves how this image might be perceived is kind of funny and very sad.
Thousands Already Sold
Thousands of what, you ask? Thousands of TweetBookz.
That’s right. It’s exactly what it sounds like.
From the about page:
Our concept for TweetBookz is to bring content as short-lengthed and short-lived as tweets to the “serious” world of books.
($30 a hardcover and $20 a paperback)
The FAQ page is even better:
Is there a minimum number of tweets I need to have? How small can the books be?
You need at least one tweet that we can print and books are printed with a minimum of 20 pages (holding 40 tweets). If you have fewer than 40 tweets we will fill in the rest with nicely designed blank pages.
Shouldn’t that say “nicely designed” blank pages?
Some Reactions to “Some Contemporary Characters” by Rick Moody
All of you know that Electric Literature recently began tweeting what they are calling ‘an experiment in participatory ePublishing’: they are publishing Rick Moody’s story “Some Contemporary Characters” over three days/153 Tweets. They’ve invited anyone who’d like to RT ((re)publish?) the story along with them to participate. As far as I can tell, here’s who is participating: @WritersGarret, @vromans, @shyascanlon, @TheSchooner, @str1cken, @StephenBruckert, @skylightbooks, @skemptastic, @OpiumMagazine, @MWSchmutterer, @litdeathmatch, @FictionAdvocate, @coppernickel, @commongoodbooks, @breathebooks, @brazosbookstore, @blackclockmag, @a_m_kelly, @Andrew_Ervin, @lunaparkreview, @BOMBMagazine, and probably more.
After tweeting the story for today, Electric Literature posted this question on their Facebook page: “Is the Multiple Tweeting of Rick Moody’s Story Awesome, Annoying, or a Bit of Both?”
After the jump, I’ve tried to answer the question as best I could.
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