‘I Am Also In This Play!’

Wigleaf, the flash fiction wild child of internet sensation Scott Garson, has gone bonkers with excellence, and the latest update proves it.

Stop everything and read Sean Kilpatrick’s “Progress: A Play in _ Acts.”

You won’t regret it. It is funny. It is fucked up. It has the following line in it:

Character A (to audience): In answer to your question, this play was written because we love audiences. Our love is almost Swedish.

Folks, my love for Sean Kilpatrick is all Swedish.

Author Spotlight / 8 Comments
December 3rd, 2008 / 4:31 pm

What happens when you give Gary Lutz to a 14-year-old

these kids don't know me or you or Gary Lutz

these kids don

The other day I was somewhere waiting on something with a fourteen-year-old kid that I know and he didn’t have anything to read and I happened to have two books: Happy Birthday or Whatever by Annie Choi and Stories in The Worst Way by Gary Lutz. For some reason I thought this would be a good time to expand said kid’s literary horizons, but I was wrong. It was not. He took one look at the cover and grimaced.
“It’s good,” I said, “and they’re really short, so you can just read one and see if you like it.”

He opened to a random page and started “Waking Hours” by first reading the title outloud and seeming unpleased with it.

After he got a page and a half into it he said, “Oh, Nope. Too weird. Ew.”

“What?”

“Right there, look at that,” he said, pointing at a paragraph and scowling.

He was pointing at the word “seepages” and I thought for a second that this was the one about the guy with cloitis, but that wouldn’t make sense because what 14-year-old wouldn’t want to read about a guy with cloitis? Well, actually, probably not this one because his favorite show is Friends and he’s recently discovered that he likes using a stair master.I don’t know. You figure it out.

But this one wasn’t the one about the guy with cloitis anyway, it was the one about the gay, divorced, depressed guy who thinks people in his apartment are arranging their furniture exactly like his and mirroring all of his actions. It was the word “seepages” that pissed him off. Seepages. If he had gone on to read another paragraph he would have gotten to the gay bar scene, but I think he was skimming anyway.

Random / 12 Comments
December 3rd, 2008 / 12:41 pm

“THAT’S *IT*! YOU AREN’T WERE IN MY MAGAZINE ANYMORE!” and other bizarre things you can (but shouldn’t) say when you edit an ‘electronic magazine,’ or ‘elecamazine,’ as I call it.

Last night I left a comment deep in a thread here, explaining “the way it is” as I see it to somebody, but with the attached proviso that I was emphatically **not** trying to start a flame war. I’m still not (note: post not tagged “mean”) but I guess I don’t care at this point if one comes, because some things just need to be said.
Anyway, meet DiGang, aka Matt, who I guess edits (publishes? “does”?) Thieves’ Jargon. Matt was comment #6 on this post that our editor Blake Butler wrote about the utter capriciousness and arbitrariness of the HTMLGiant linking policy. It should be added that, despite (some of) our (sometimes) noble(ish) goals, this attitude extends to more or less everything we do. If this were Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, it would be as yet unclear whether we are with the Random or the Purpose.

Anyway, here’s Matt addressing Blake:

>>Thanks, again, for being honest. That’s why HTML Giant is awesome.

I like being a stick in the mud as well, which is why I just removed your story and bio from the Thieves Jargon archive.<<

This caught my attention, because something very similar was said to me recently after I made some disparaging comments about my own work which had appeared in a back issue of a certain web journal which will not be named. (Mine came in the form of a threat; I haven’t checked to see if it was carried out.) Basically the editor’s thesis was, if I was critical of my own work, and by extension her magazine for publishing it (fairness to her: I was, and am) then fuck me too and she would “un-publish” me as a punishment.

I don’t know Matt, and I don’t read Thieves’ Jargon, so I’ve got nothing to say about him or his project that’s based on research or first-hand experince. But his comment, which may well have been made in jest, for all I know, really stuck with me, because in both cases–mine, and his, assuming the comment was in earnest–there seems to be a prevailing and unquestioned assumption that the purpose of publishing writing is to generate for the author a kind of “capital” or “currency,” which is then in some psychic sense “owed” to the editor, who seems to see him/herself as a sort of issuing bank.

This is a very bad way to think of yourself as an editor, and about the purpose of your editorial project in general. Of course, we know that at a certain level it is the truth of the case–a writer indeed does “get” something very real, albeit intangible (I don’t mean the check) from being in The New Yorker that s/he don’t get from being in Bicycle Goat Review. (Though, conversely, depending who you want to impress, you may well get something from Bicycle Goat that you don’t or can’t from the NY’ker. )

The question, to me, is whether generating this “currency” is the primary goal of the publication or just a happy side-effect. Answering this question is really easy. If you have to think about the answer to it for even a second, or if you are coming on the end of this sentence I’m typing now and still don’t know the answer, let me give you a clue: DON’T EDIT ANYTHING. YOU’RE NOT READY AND YOU WON’T BE GOOD AT IT.

When an editor of an electronic journal, who is in the unique situation of being able to “unpublish” in a way that no print editor can, threatens or actually carries out such an action, what they seem to reveal to me is the cravenness and intellectual bankruptcy of their own enterprise. When you do this, you deal a serious blow to your project’s institutional memory, its continuity, and its integrity. Plus you give a fiendishly literal twist to the phrase “So and so has been published in Bicycle Goat” as it appears in three-line bios all over the face of this great world.

Mourning the victims of Stalins purges.

Mourning the victims of Stalin's purges.

One of the most important things an editor can do is stand by the work he or she has published, even if–especially when–the author no longer does. We expect the author to grow and change, and maybe even to disown old work to make way for the new. The editor–especially when s/he is also the publisher and sole proprietor of the enterprise–is supposed to be a somewhat more practical cat, and to have a somewhat longer view of the situation.

Questions: if you “unpublish” me from your journal, does that mean my work is unpublished now? Is this like being a born-again virgin? And if I have a second change of heart, and love my work again, can I take the stuff you removed from Bicycle Goat and send it over to A Public Space? If/when my book comes out, and my work that you un-published is in it, should I put your journal on the copyright page like this: “Dinosaurs are Awesome” first appeared in Bicycle Goat A Public Space.

Crisis on infinite earths! Oh noes!

I’ll be the first to argue that editing and curating are artistic endeavors–at least as much as writing is–so if you want to disown an entire editorial project, that’s one thing, but to re-evaluate and selectively remove work you actually enjoyed and admired and were proud to publish based on personal offense at that writer’s (a) behavior, (b) lack of quid pro quo, (c) change of heart in re their own work and/or your magazine, (d) other, makes you one thing and one thing only: a bad editor.

Sorry, kids, but them’s the breaks.

Purity of heart is to will one thing.

Purity of heart is to will one thing.

Web Hype / 161 Comments
December 3rd, 2008 / 12:40 pm

Cutbank contests

Hi.

Annual contests now open over at Cutbank. This is a pretty standard post.

Joy Williams is judging the fiction contest. If you’re interested:

We are honored to have three talented judges participating in the second year of these contests. The Patricia Goedicke Prize in Poetry will be judged by Noah Eli Gordon. Joy Williams will select the winner of the Montana Prize in Fiction. The winner of the Montana Prize in Creative Nonfiction will be selected by Brian Bouldrey. 

Submissions are accepted December 1 through February 29. Winners receive $500 and publication in CutBank 71.All submissions will be considered for publication inCutBank.

The contests’ $13 entry fee includes a one-year, two-issue subscription to CutBank, beginning with the prize issue, CutBank 71.

That’s all.

Good luck.

Contests / 2 Comments
December 3rd, 2008 / 5:45 am

‘How to Get Linked on HTML Giant’: A 2 Step Primer

For future reference, and because it’s recently come up, if you are wanting in the worst way to get linked on HTML Giant (man, I don’t blame you, it’s a firestorm in here), it’s really pretty simple. In fact it’s so simple, there are just two steps. Here are those two steps:

PRIMER STEP ONE: (For primer step one, I am going to defer to the guidelines for submission at Muumuu House Press, which I think are absolutely brilliant, and probably the most honest thing I’ve seen a publisher write about the way they select texts:

To submit to Muumuu House find a person who has been published by or is associated with Muumuu House and read their blog. If you like their blog make a comment in their comments section in a sincere and natural manner, expressing your feelings. Eventually someone associated with Muumuu House will probably read your comment and click your name and find your blog. If that person likes your blog, to a certain degree, then they will probably tell other people in emails or in real life and then at some point you will probably be emailed, not necessarily about Muumuu House, but maybe about Muumuu House. I think this is more natural. It supports a ‘there is no good or bad in art’ mentality, is probably faster and more efficient than emailing submissions and having people read them and respond to them, and I think it decreases loneliness, boredom, and despair more effectively than with ‘normal’ submissions, based on my experiences with the internet, I believe. Muumuu House is edited by Tao Lin.

PRIMER STEP TWO: Do something good.

That’s it. Those can occur in any order. They can occur exclusively of one another. They are also dependent on me forgetting everything else already me like the fact that I really want to go run a few miles right now at 11:25 PM, which I will do right after I finish this, forgetting that and other bullshit, and thinking about these things that happen, which can happen at any instant, and then I will click the buttons and copy and past the address and you will appear like magic in the brown letters on the foam green backdrop (I am suddenly doubting my recall of our color scheme) and people maybe will see your name there and maybe sometime click on you even though if they are here and they are looking at the ‘other places’ section will likely have already heard of you because the people who tend to read shit here tend to give a crap about books and have probably already over the course of however long they’ve intermingled that caring about books with the internet somehow stumbled on those places, rendering our links section and any links section just another thing that is a thing is probably not worth mentioning most of the time, like old baby blankets and tennis socks. You might notice I haven’t added a link to the journal I’ve been editing for more than 5 years. That’s just how much it doesn’t matter. And anyhow, more often, things that get linked here that ‘we’ give ‘a shit’ (more Muumuu House props, I guess) about are linked in the blog body because this is a blog and that’s what the blog is for and that’s what happens. I am still typing.

The main way not to get linked is to blind query the HTML Giant email inbox because (a) I don’t know that anyone checks it regularly except for Secret Santa things recently, I know I have looked twice, again it is a ‘token’ (b) I like to find things and remember things rather than being told, I have a mother already and (c) refer to PRIMER STEPS 1 and 2.

The for certain for sure super way not to get linked, if you did go ahead and send one of those ‘link me dear god link me please!’ emails, is not to get your tits in an uproar when 6 days later you haven’t gotten an answer back (current flood of other inbox Santa happies notwithstanding), and then come publicly bitching about how you’ve published several of our writers so why not why not why? I’ll admit I’ve added two links to the links as a result of the editor emailing, but only because I did like those places, and they did not call out about who/what/when/where was published, and let me pick up the email on my own and think, oh, yeah, that’s cool, I can do that, I want to do that. Done.

I like a lot of things. I also like to be a stick in the mud and look at my own ass. It gets me off.

Random / 33 Comments
December 3rd, 2008 / 12:41 am

Dalkey Archive’s Holiday Sale

Yeah, I know this won’t make up for my being HTMLGIANT’s least useful contributor (by far), but telling you about the ridiculously good Dalkey Archive holiday sale has to count for something. Right?

What if I drop a few names?

William H. Gass, Jean-Philippe Toussaint, Stanley Crawford, Rikki Ducornet, Rainer Maria Rilke, Gert Jonke, Donald Barthelme, David Markson, John Barth, Michel Butor, Robert Creeley, Robert Coover, Louis-Ferdinand Celine, Stanley Elkin, Witold Gombrowicz, Ben Marcus, John Hawkes, Pierre Klossowski, Robert Pinget, Raymond Queneau, Steven Millhauser, Carole Maso, Tsutomu Mizukami, Flann O’Brien, Gertrude Stein, Viktor Shklovsky, Christine Schutt

Well, here’s the deal anyway.

To bring more world literature into everyone’s holidays, we’re offering—for a limited time—really big discounts through our website on all Dalkey Archive paperbacks (hardbacks and scholarly books excluded).

Choose one copy of several books, or multiple copies of a single book—while supplies last. And there’s free shipping! (It’s included in the price.) Offer is only good in the US, and expires December 10, 2008.

To take advantage of this offer:

  1. Choose which books you would like (you can search our online catalog by title, author, country, series, or genre).
  2. Click on the sale options below for 5, 10, or 20 books.
  3. When you go to “Checkout” you will see, on the first screen offered, a “Notes” field. Please type into “Notes” the titles of the books you would like.

Choose:

5 books for $35 w/free shipping
10 books for $60 w/free shipping
20 books for $110 w/free shipping

Questions? Please contact Melissa Kennedy:
kennedy@dalkeyarchive.com
217.244.5700

And happy holidays from all of us at Dalkey Archive Press.

That works out to $5.50, $6, or $7 a book. Sale ends December 10. Get on it.

Presses / 47 Comments
December 2nd, 2008 / 8:00 pm

MASSIVE PEOPLE(5): Interviewers Around The Web

It’s been really busy around here. I mean, not around HTMLGIANT, but around our lives that are not related to HTMLGIANT: some of us were eating too much food and giving thanks, others were editing forthcoming books, others were grading student papers, and others were researching remote control helicopters. As a result, we don’t have a specific interview ready today for our series on MASSIVE PEOPLE.

Also, we are bad at checking our email. Things are a little disorganized at the moment (except for Secret Santa, which is really really organized – I’m serious).

Apologies.

What we do have, though, is a small festival of links to other interviewers around the web, those who are doing the work we failed to do for today. Please have a look at their stuff, and please add more links in the comments section if we haven’t mentioned it here. If you are working on a project like this, comment on it too.

That’s all I can think of so far – should be enough to satisfy people looking around for an interview at HTMLGIANT. We’ll get on things and get MASSIVE back soon.

Massive People / 6 Comments
December 2nd, 2008 / 5:20 pm

My Life as a Blog

Tuesday December 2, 2008

I don’t know, does this pale green background make my ass look fat? I got 60+ hives on both legs yesterday. People on the ‘internet’ call the hives ‘comments.’ Every time the kids have a temper tantrum in public, I get a major allergic reaction.

People on the street always stare whenever I bring the kids into town for ice cream. Blake and Sam always get scatological with the fudge, and it’s not pretty. And Kendra likes to flash the boys, while Catherine and Soffi watch in awe. “Mommy when will I get a rack like that?” Catherine asks. “Iraq is none of our concern dear,” I say.

Gene and I are arguing again. Ever since Matthew, we’ve been growing more distant. Gene says he’s tired of biblical names. I tell him Michael, Joshua, and Matthew are my favorite sons. Jimmy, the one we adopted from China, is tearing this family apart (he’s a panty sniffer, according to Kendra, Catherine, Soffi, and my mother).

I wonder if Shane and Justin are gay (not that there’s any problem with that, even as a Christian). Shane simply looks too good in a V-neck shirt to be straight (besides, all his friends are ‘feminists’) and Justin has had his face in Baudrillard for the past year. He’s currently deconstructing the semantics of ‘putang,’ convinced that pussy does not exist.

Jereme spoke in class today—not in any Eddie Vedder way—I mean, he literally finally spoke his first words. His 4th grade teacher and I were getting worried. Ryan is also a little slow, but we can’t all be Justin. Blake seems smart, but I think it’s just tourette’s.

The kids love their hamster, named it ‘Tao.’ Tao, despite being forced into his plastic compartment or spun on the wheel, is somehow able to maintain a ‘neutral facial expression.’ Sometimes we let Tao out to ride Melville, the toy whale, in the tub.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night, through the haze of Gene’s bear-like snoring, worrying about the ‘internet.’ I mean, what is the point of my life? I try to be a good mother, a good Christian, a good wife—but there’s this part of me that wants to get Mme. Bovary on Gene’s ass, like run away with Barry Graham, who measures various girths on his body.

There is a certain sadness to my life, to all of ours. I wish I could be happy like Gawker, that bitch. Oh dear, I must run. Little Sammy is eating his shit again, which is setting Blake off.

Web Hype / 231 Comments
December 2nd, 2008 / 3:56 pm

Daily Ounce of Pound

Shouldn't the Union have seen this one coming?

Before deciding whether a man is a fool or a good artist, it would be well to ask, not only: ‘is he excited unduly’, but: ‘does he see something we don’t?’

Is his curious behavior due to his feeling an oncoming earthquake, or smelling a forest fire which we do not yet feel or smell?

Barometers, wind-gauges, cannot be used as engines.

ABC of Reading, Chapter Eight

Random / 2 Comments
December 2nd, 2008 / 3:36 pm

6 months of ML Press

Wow. ML Press announces their next 6 months of titles, and it is quite an onslaught:

we are very excited to announce the next 18 ml press authors:

BE NICE TO EVERYONE by sam pink
MISERABLE FISH by colin bassett
DON’T GIVE UP & DIE by james chapman
A HEAVEN GONE by jac jemc
LIKE IT WAS HER PLACE by kim chinquee
SOME OF THE LETTERS THAT WERE CUT by michael kimball
IN ENVY OF GLACIERS
& THE UNIVERSE OF THE BODY by norman lock
THREE ACTS WITH VINCENT by kim parko
WHAT I SAW by randall brown
THEY by brian evenson
BLUEBEARD by michael stewart
(forthcoming) by peter markus
ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? by ken sparling
THOSE BONES by david ohle
MOLTING by aaron burch
DA VINCI DIED BEFORE CIGARETTES by p. h. madore
ALTRUISM by matthew savoca
(forthcoming) by johannes göransson

six-month subscriptions will be available until the dec. 08 trio is sold out.

$36 / 18 volumes, beginning with the dec. 08 trio.

want to order? click to the here.

If you have interest in these, I recommend you get on it. They go really fast, and with a line up like this, you don’t want to miss a line.

Presses / 30 Comments
December 2nd, 2008 / 1:46 pm