April 20th, 2010 / 2:55 pm
Author News
Sean Lovelace
Author News
5 eggbread proposals
1. Many editors, for many reasons, are only going to read your first paragraph. So this book be wicked. Opening paragraphs from all over literature, swathed and scissored by Donald Newlove’s mind. Tough to find? So, go looking. I got mine in 4 days for $4.
2. An interview of WORDS by Andy Devine at JMWW.
3. “Microscopic explorations of buds, calyxes and resin.” Yes, yes, just relax, get some nachos, and enjoy 4/20.
4. I think we need more Oulipo.
5. Or blow the fucking shack up.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Sa2oZWbmH8
Tags: andy devine, Donald Newlove, JMWW, oulipo
“Many editors, for many reasons, are only going to read your first paragraph.”
This is one of those workshoppy exagerations that, in my humble opinion, is false. Lots of editors read The Gint–is this true? Am I naive?
“Many editors, for many reasons, are only going to read your first paragraph.”
This is one of those workshoppy exagerations that, in my humble opinion, is false. Lots of editors read The Gint–is this true? Am I naive?
“Many” is my qualifier. I think it’s true. It is certainly true when we are addressing first page.
“Many” is my qualifier. I think it’s true. It is certainly true when we are addressing first page.
if i ever host an online literary chat show, i am going to call it “The Show Don’t Tell.” Here is my script for the introduction:
“Hello kids, and welcome to ‘The Show Don’t Tell’! Remember, and I know I say this every show, but remember, literature has rules. First off, remember, there are certain things one just doesn’t do if one is a serious literary author. One shouldn’t publish on the internet. Kids, save up your finely-honed stories for a serious periodical. More importantly, avoid, I repeat, avoid! writing about your college years, your teenage years, your first sweetheart, none of this navel-gazing crap! Kids, it’s about memory, it’s about the past, it’s about where you came from. Where did you come from, child? Did you come from…Africa? Venezuela? China? Russia? Are you a Russian émigré, child? Well, if not, just think about where you’re from. Also, consider your sex. Your sexuality. Not actual sex, just, I don’t know, are you gay? You’re not gay. You’re kind of gay? Well, everyone is, kids, this is good to know. Kids……. Kids…… No flowery prose. Children, you’re not John Nabokov Updike, OK? You’re not ol’ Bill Shakes, ‘kay? Don’t get purple on me, kids. Also, ooh! also, kids, avoid writing about writing (this is a common mistake, kids, no post-modern wankery, sweethearts); kids, make sure your story has a plot, has a voice (but avoid the gimmicky first-person voice, kids); make sure your story is DEVOID of adjectives and [quiver] adverbs…kids! adverbs cause cancer! What else? Kids, I say this every week, kids, remember, kill your darlings. Every single one. Your dearest darling? Kill that one first. What else? Don’t you ever, ever, ever use any typographical trickery. This ain’t the U.S.A. Trilogy, kids. Dos Past-os, that’s what he is, Past, kids. Get over it! Children, kids, young people, wee ones, lil’….guys… keep in mind….keep in mind, that you may need to attend a couple of post-graduate writing programs to hone your craft, learn the tricks of the trade, make some connections, and have some time to write. Budget that into your career plan. Remember, no one owes you publication! If you want to be a serious writer, you’re going to have to read a lot, you’re going to need write every day, at least 5 1/2 hours, and you’re going to need to kill your darlings. Ooh! One more thing. At all times, no matter what, irregardless of anything, children, always, just in the back of your mind, at the sub-conscious level of the consciousness of your mind, just think about realism. Just…think about it. Realism. Alright, let’s bring out our first guest!”
if i ever host an online literary chat show, i am going to call it “The Show Don’t Tell.” Here is my script for the introduction:
“Hello kids, and welcome to ‘The Show Don’t Tell’! Remember, and I know I say this every show, but remember, literature has rules. First off, remember, there are certain things one just doesn’t do if one is a serious literary author. One shouldn’t publish on the internet. Kids, save up your finely-honed stories for a serious periodical. More importantly, avoid, I repeat, avoid! writing about your college years, your teenage years, your first sweetheart, none of this navel-gazing crap! Kids, it’s about memory, it’s about the past, it’s about where you came from. Where did you come from, child? Did you come from…Africa? Venezuela? China? Russia? Are you a Russian émigré, child? Well, if not, just think about where you’re from. Also, consider your sex. Your sexuality. Not actual sex, just, I don’t know, are you gay? You’re not gay. You’re kind of gay? Well, everyone is, kids, this is good to know. Kids……. Kids…… No flowery prose. Children, you’re not John Nabokov Updike, OK? You’re not ol’ Bill Shakes, ‘kay? Don’t get purple on me, kids. Also, ooh! also, kids, avoid writing about writing (this is a common mistake, kids, no post-modern wankery, sweethearts); kids, make sure your story has a plot, has a voice (but avoid the gimmicky first-person voice, kids); make sure your story is DEVOID of adjectives and [quiver] adverbs…kids! adverbs cause cancer! What else? Kids, I say this every week, kids, remember, kill your darlings. Every single one. Your dearest darling? Kill that one first. What else? Don’t you ever, ever, ever use any typographical trickery. This ain’t the U.S.A. Trilogy, kids. Dos Past-os, that’s what he is, Past, kids. Get over it! Children, kids, young people, wee ones, lil’….guys… keep in mind….keep in mind, that you may need to attend a couple of post-graduate writing programs to hone your craft, learn the tricks of the trade, make some connections, and have some time to write. Budget that into your career plan. Remember, no one owes you publication! If you want to be a serious writer, you’re going to have to read a lot, you’re going to need write every day, at least 5 1/2 hours, and you’re going to need to kill your darlings. Ooh! One more thing. At all times, no matter what, irregardless of anything, children, always, just in the back of your mind, at the sub-conscious level of the consciousness of your mind, just think about realism. Just…think about it. Realism. Alright, let’s bring out our first guest!”
Stephen, that would be funny and make sense if anyone saying these “rules” thought they were rules. They are not rules.
Example: Have your character do anything but cry.
Like all writing rules, this isn’t a literal rule. It is statement attempting to get you to think. The face is there are many more interesting, immediate, image-based, gesture-based ways to express a character’s grief that crying.
Your satire of the rules seems to presuppose a teacher or student would actually take them at face value, without seeing the subtext.
As for the first page deal, fine. All editors read all the way through all manuscripts.
Right.
Stephen, that would be funny and make sense if anyone saying these “rules” thought they were rules. They are not rules.
Example: Have your character do anything but cry.
Like all writing rules, this isn’t a literal rule. It is statement attempting to get you to think. The face is there are many more interesting, immediate, image-based, gesture-based ways to express a character’s grief that crying.
Your satire of the rules seems to presuppose a teacher or student would actually take them at face value, without seeing the subtext.
As for the first page deal, fine. All editors read all the way through all manuscripts.
Right.
that parody is only tangentially related to this. was just saving it up for some occasion, seemed related “enough” here. it is a parody of received wisdom about literature, the tyranny of received wisdom, generally speaking.
that parody is only tangentially related to this. was just saving it up for some occasion, seemed related “enough” here. it is a parody of received wisdom about literature, the tyranny of received wisdom, generally speaking.