March 27th, 2009 / 3:37 am
 Author Spotlight

Zack Sternwalker Impressed Me, Continues to Impress Me


Zack Sternwalker is a person who lives in my neighborhood in Oakland, but I’ve never met him. I’ve emailed him a few times. He seems nice. I solicited him for this is stupid I love you, but he didn’t want to do it. Then he sent us something for great, but we didn’t want to use it.

His books are very cheap (like $2) and very nicely printed and have drawings inside.

Two of his books, Please Let Me Help and Where Cyberspace Meets Space For Cream, are collections of letters addressed to large entities giving them professional advice, product ideas, or ideas for expansion. 


Where Cyberspace Meets Space For Cream is sort of a novella. It’s more developed and complicated than Please Let Me Help, and it’s funnier. He uses the same letter-writing setup, but develops story throughout the book by mentioning the narrator’s life living with his mother after a divorce, and opening an unsuccessful internet café to help sell his business proposal. So it feels like you’re getting the story accidentally, like the narrator keeps slipping in personal information to try to make points about his product ideas/business proposals.

Here is a sample:

Dear Wonder Bread,

From what I’ve heard, you are one of the many bread companies that exist in the world.
I have often seen a commercial for a competing bread company and have thought of the companies it competes with. I’m happy to say your company is almost always one of those.
But I’m curious as to what type of company you really are. Are you the type of company that sits on the sidelines waiting for another company to score the winning touchdown so you can hand it a cup of water and massage its cramps? Or are you the type of company that goes out there and runs a safe, guaranteed five-yard play just to get a cup of water and massage from the first type of company?
Because the type of company I need would already be up in the owner’s box snorting lines off the stripper’s bald spot.Please let me explain.

You can buy books here and here and you should.

He uses 1984 Printers, which is based in Oakland, and looks hell of good.

Tags:

14 Comments

  1. March 27th, 2009 / 8:30 am chris—

      this looks really
      good
      i am ordering a book right now
      your mission has been accomplished today
      today

  2. March 27th, 2009 / 4:30 am chris—

      this looks really
      good
      i am ordering a book right now
      your mission has been accomplished today
      today

  3. March 27th, 2009 / 8:32 am michael—

      I’m wondering who did the drawing of the lady holding the t-rex like a puppy.

      that was…. almost too dope for my eyes to behold.

      i think my pinky toe vomited from the excitement.

      if i wasnt poor i’d buy a book, ‘cuz they look pleasantly super.

  4. March 27th, 2009 / 4:32 am michael—

      I’m wondering who did the drawing of the lady holding the t-rex like a puppy.

      that was…. almost too dope for my eyes to behold.

      i think my pinky toe vomited from the excitement.

      if i wasnt poor i’d buy a book, ‘cuz they look pleasantly super.

  5. March 27th, 2009 / 1:13 pm Adam Robinson—

      Thanks for the printer recommendation, too.

  6. March 27th, 2009 / 9:13 am Adam Robinson—

      Thanks for the printer recommendation, too.

  7. March 27th, 2009 / 4:50 pm mike young—

      the art is good and dude, 1984 printing looks sweet as shit

      those are really good prices, from what i’ve seen around

      good work tom bombadil!!!

  8. March 27th, 2009 / 12:50 pm mike young—

      the art is good and dude, 1984 printing looks sweet as shit

      those are really good prices, from what i’ve seen around

      good work tom bombadil!!!

  9. March 28th, 2009 / 12:11 am Janey Smith—

      Chelsea? I like you and I like Zack. And I like 1984 Printers. And when I am done writing my BABY BUNNY PORNOGRAPHY thing I will send it to 1984 because they are girls and because they are nice. Thank you, Chelsea Martin. You are nice.

  10. March 27th, 2009 / 8:11 pm Janey Smith—

      Chelsea? I like you and I like Zack. And I like 1984 Printers. And when I am done writing my BABY BUNNY PORNOGRAPHY thing I will send it to 1984 because they are girls and because they are nice. Thank you, Chelsea Martin. You are nice.

  11. March 28th, 2009 / 9:33 pm Chelsea Martin—

      i’ve never seen anything else 1984 has done. just this zack sternwalker stuff. but it looks so good. more people should be going to them.

      janey send me your thing after you print it with 1984. i’m tom bombadil.

  12. March 28th, 2009 / 5:33 pm Chelsea Martin—

      i’ve never seen anything else 1984 has done. just this zack sternwalker stuff. but it looks so good. more people should be going to them.

      janey send me your thing after you print it with 1984. i’m tom bombadil.

  13. March 28th, 2009 / 9:36 pm gabe durham—

      I read most of Space for Cream. (Thanks Mike!) It’s hilarious. I think it was serialized somewhere before he collected the letters, which would be the best way to read them, I think, since they kind of follow a formula. If the excerpt above continued, you would see that whatever comes after “Please let me explain,” it isn’t an explanation at all. This device makes for some of the book’s funniest moments.

  14. March 28th, 2009 / 5:36 pm gabe durham—

      I read most of Space for Cream. (Thanks Mike!) It’s hilarious. I think it was serialized somewhere before he collected the letters, which would be the best way to read them, I think, since they kind of follow a formula. If the excerpt above continued, you would see that whatever comes after “Please let me explain,” it isn’t an explanation at all. This device makes for some of the book’s funniest moments.