July 13th, 2010 / 2:22 pm
Contests
Ryan Call
Contests
Jodzio Book Giveaway
John Jodzio has sent us three copies of his collection If You Lived Here You’d Already Be Home for a quick giveaway contest. If you’d like to be eligible for the giveaway, tell us about the weirdest thing you or someone you know has swallowed. John will select from the comments section his favorite three later this week.
Tags: john jodzio
A vat of charred mosquitoes
A long time ago, when I was about 5 years old, my younger cousin and I were playing in her back yard, and we noticed a red container of gasoline in the distance, near a cornfield. We rushed over to it for no particular reason and I think she asked “What should we do with it?” I suggested drinking it and I put my mouth over the nozzle and acted like I took a small sip. She followed suit, except she actually drank it and started crying. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell parents what she had done, but she wound up confessing. I got in a lot of trouble as a result, but luckily she was okay.
Eel intestines.
As a lad, I convinced my neighbor, and at that time, best friend, that the exposed pink insulation in his garage was cotton candy. He grabbed a fistful of fluff, stuffed it into his gaping, buck toothed mouth, and began to cry post-swallow.
Upon inquisition, I didn’t know ‘what had gotten into him.’
My lower right incisor, in an unfortunately fishing accident when I was 14. My dad got a bite on his line, the boat was small and crowded, lots of sudden movement and yelling. My brother ends up in the water, my father holding his fist and swearing, and I was mumbling through swollen lips for a week. No, we didn’t get the fish.
My father once made chili and used a seasoning packet that had been infested with little black beetles. He just thought they were black seasoning things, I guess. As we sat at the table and I realized what I was looking at, I pointed it out to him. He looked closer, shrugged, and finished his bowl. I think I ate a wish sandwich for supper.
a live beta fish in front of a church youth group while wearing a dress standing beside another person (also male, also wearing a dress) who actually chewed a different beta fish before swallowing. christ – that really happened…
My brother lost his upper front tooth and had a fake tooth attached to a full plastic retainer that he had to wear until he could afford to get an implant. His wife made him laugh a bit too hard one day in the car and he inhaled it, almost choked on it, and ended up swallowing it. His doctor advised him to wait and see ‘if it passed’. It did. But he wouldn’t wear it anymore.
He got the implant a few weeks later.
I watched a chef I worked with carve off part of the face from a pig’s head and eat it raw.
This was awful.
Gun.
A fistful of Crackerjack, which went down the right pipe, fortunately, right after I finished toking a bowl of skunky Colombian Gold pot, at the exact instant I “got” the M.C. Escher implications of the artwork on the Crackerjack box.. box. … I.E., My mind was digesting the recursive fact of how the tow headed sailor boy was holding a box — *swallow* — of Crackerjack, upon which — *chew…chew* — a smaller towheaded sailor boy was holding a box — *swallow* — of Crackerjack, upon which a smaller towheaded sailor boy was holding — *chew – chew… swallow* — a box of Crackerjack upon which …
* chew … chew … chew – chew ” a smaller towheaded sailor boy …
*SWALLOW” — was holding a box…
upon which
my seventeen year old stoned mind said
to its self:
“Wo – AHHH … That is so fucking rad.”
Something similar happened with my mother, only it was a Rice A Roni box that she was cooking for a guy she liked at the time. Only it wasn’t beetles, it was maggots, and she thought it was the rice.
It was only later when putting the leftovers away that I said to her, “Mom, I think the rice is moving?”
My pride and my dignity. Same meal.
OMG. I am very thankful now that although my mother made me eat some strange things, she would never have had us eat buggers.
That is totally awful.
One time my brother ate a penny. Totally on purpose. My poor mother called the doctor, who told her it was okay, just “make sure it passed.”
She busted out them rubber gloves, had him poop in a shoebox (adventure!), and held each stool up to scrutiny. It passed.
A marble.
One time a friend of my sisters swallowed an entire blunt of weed to avoid jail time.
Part of a tarantula.
My grandpa is a compulsive traveler, and we’ve made a habit of recreating whatever local cuisine he eats on his trips. He went to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. That summer, we fried tarantulas. Fucking awful. I had a few legs and a small bite of abdomen.
“church youth group”
Now that i think about it, Oklahoman tarantulas are probably pretty different than Cambodian tarantulas. Don’t let my “fucking awful” discourage you, travelers.
A brown chip in a brown rug. I thought it was a chocolate chip. It was not. I couldn’t have been older than 8 or 9 and I was so excited when I found it. Not sure if it actually made it down my throat and I couldn’t tell you how it ended up there, but it finished where it should have started, in the toilet bowl.
YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT WHAT HE WAS EATING?
It’s a damn good book, too. Interview is imminent.
A vat of charred mosquitoes
A long time ago, when I was about 5 years old, my younger cousin and I were playing in her back yard, and we noticed a red container of gasoline in the distance, near a cornfield. We rushed over to it for no particular reason and I think she asked “What should we do with it?” I suggested drinking it and I put my mouth over the nozzle and acted like I took a small sip. She followed suit, except she actually drank it and started crying. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell parents what she had done, but she wound up confessing. I got in a lot of trouble as a result, but luckily she was okay.
Eel intestines.
Things I have seen swallowed, voluntarily, by members of a fraternity:
1) Beer into which another frat member’s testicles had been dipped
2) Home-fermented mead
3) Pride
4) Own vomit
5) Other vomit
6) Dignity
7) Own urine
8) Other urine
9) Beer into which the house Labrador’s testicles had been dipped
Only one of these was something I swallowed.
As a lad, I convinced my neighbor, and at that time, best friend, that the exposed pink insulation in his garage was cotton candy. He grabbed a fistful of fluff, stuffed it into his gaping, buck toothed mouth, and began to cry post-swallow.
Upon inquisition, I didn’t know ‘what had gotten into him.’
Sometimes when I eat chili I swallow it without chewing to avoid chewing the beans.
My lower right incisor, in an unfortunately fishing accident when I was 14. My dad got a bite on his line, the boat was small and crowded, lots of sudden movement and yelling. My brother ends up in the water, my father holding his fist and swearing, and I was mumbling through swollen lips for a week. No, we didn’t get the fish.
This is so sad, but: one of those fetus feet pro-life lapel pins. Back in the 80s my parents used to handcuff themselves to Planned Parenthood’s doors until they were arrested and we had tons of these pins lying around the house to remind us of Abortion. Oh no. I just looked it up and they are called PRECIOUS FEET.
All of you are nasty freaks who swallow the weirdest shit. And all ya’ll know nasty freaks who swallow the weirdest shit.
Weirdy McWeirdos.
My father once made chili and used a seasoning packet that had been infested with little black beetles. He just thought they were black seasoning things, I guess. As we sat at the table and I realized what I was looking at, I pointed it out to him. He looked closer, shrugged, and finished his bowl. I think I ate a wish sandwich for supper.
Also, I forgot about this, but as a kid I used to eat souse meat all the time. Then one day I looked at the ingredients and realized what it was.
Not the same as maggots I guess, but still all the more traumatizing.
a live beta fish in front of a church youth group while wearing a dress standing beside another person (also male, also wearing a dress) who actually chewed a different beta fish before swallowing. christ – that really happened…
My brother lost his upper front tooth and had a fake tooth attached to a full plastic retainer that he had to wear until he could afford to get an implant. His wife made him laugh a bit too hard one day in the car and he inhaled it, almost choked on it, and ended up swallowing it. His doctor advised him to wait and see ‘if it passed’. It did. But he wouldn’t wear it anymore.
He got the implant a few weeks later.
I watched a chef I worked with carve off part of the face from a pig’s head and eat it raw.
This was awful.
Gun.
I have a pair of those from middle school health class.
Heartwarming scare-tactics </3
A fistful of Crackerjack, which went down the right pipe, fortunately, right after I finished toking a bowl of skunky Colombian Gold pot, at the exact instant I “got” the M.C. Escher implications of the artwork on the Crackerjack box.. box. … I.E., My mind was digesting the recursive fact of how the tow headed sailor boy was holding a box — *swallow* — of Crackerjack, upon which — *chew…chew* — a smaller towheaded sailor boy was holding a box — *swallow* — of Crackerjack, upon which a smaller towheaded sailor boy was holding — *chew – chew… swallow* — a box of Crackerjack upon which …
* chew … chew … chew – chew ” a smaller towheaded sailor boy …
*SWALLOW” — was holding a box…
upon which
my seventeen year old stoned mind said
to its self:
“Wo – AHHH … That is so fucking rad.”
Something similar happened with my mother, only it was a Rice A Roni box that she was cooking for a guy she liked at the time. Only it wasn’t beetles, it was maggots, and she thought it was the rice.
It was only later when putting the leftovers away that I said to her, “Mom, I think the rice is moving?”
My pride and my dignity. Same meal.
OMG. I am very thankful now that although my mother made me eat some strange things, she would never have had us eat buggers.
That is totally awful.
One time my brother ate a penny. Totally on purpose. My poor mother called the doctor, who told her it was okay, just “make sure it passed.”
She busted out them rubber gloves, had him poop in a shoebox (adventure!), and held each stool up to scrutiny. It passed.
A marble.
One time a friend of my sisters swallowed an entire blunt of weed to avoid jail time.
Part of a tarantula.
My grandpa is a compulsive traveler, and we’ve made a habit of recreating whatever local cuisine he eats on his trips. He went to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat. That summer, we fried tarantulas. Fucking awful. I had a few legs and a small bite of abdomen.
“church youth group”
Now that i think about it, Oklahoman tarantulas are probably pretty different than Cambodian tarantulas. Don’t let my “fucking awful” discourage you, travelers.
A brown chip in a brown rug. I thought it was a chocolate chip. It was not. I couldn’t have been older than 8 or 9 and I was so excited when I found it. Not sure if it actually made it down my throat and I couldn’t tell you how it ended up there, but it finished where it should have started, in the toilet bowl.
YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT WHAT HE WAS EATING?
It’s a damn good book, too. Interview is imminent.
Things I have seen swallowed, voluntarily, by members of a fraternity:
1) Beer into which another frat member’s testicles had been dipped
2) Home-fermented mead
3) Pride
4) Own vomit
5) Other vomit
6) Dignity
7) Own urine
8) Other urine
9) Beer into which the house Labrador’s testicles had been dipped
Only one of these was something I swallowed.
Sometimes when I eat chili I swallow it without chewing to avoid chewing the beans.
This is so sad, but: one of those fetus feet pro-life lapel pins. Back in the 80s my parents used to handcuff themselves to Planned Parenthood’s doors until they were arrested and we had tons of these pins lying around the house to remind us of Abortion. Oh no. I just looked it up and they are called PRECIOUS FEET.
All of you are nasty freaks who swallow the weirdest shit. And all ya’ll know nasty freaks who swallow the weirdest shit.
Weirdy McWeirdos.
Also, I forgot about this, but as a kid I used to eat souse meat all the time. Then one day I looked at the ingredients and realized what it was.
Not the same as maggots I guess, but still all the more traumatizing.
Fortune cookie fortune.
I have a pair of those from middle school health class.
Heartwarming scare-tactics </3
a lego sword that i stuck in my straw when i was a kid or a quarter during a drinking game or a cigarette because my uncle told me if i ate it i would feel sick and never want to smoke one again. it really worked.
Fortune cookie fortune.
a lego sword that i stuck in my straw when i was a kid or a quarter during a drinking game or a cigarette because my uncle told me if i ate it i would feel sick and never want to smoke one again. it really worked.
He ate a giant rabbit foot for luck.
He ate a giant rabbit foot for luck.
Air.
A live crawdad–for its life force.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT ZZZZIPP HAS SWALLOWED BY ACCIDENT (EQUATIONS, TABLE LININGS, SPOOLS OF THREAD). BUT HE HAS BEEN SWALLOWED SEVERAL TIMES BY SMALL CREATURES AS PHOTON. IT HARDLY MATTERS EXCEPT FOR THE MINOR DISCOMFORT OF “COMING TO” WHILE–UNBEKNOWNST TO ZZZIPP–IN THE LONELY BELLY OF A SMOOTH RED SALAMANDER.
Air.
A live crawdad–for its life force.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT ZZZZIPP HAS SWALLOWED BY ACCIDENT (EQUATIONS, TABLE LININGS, SPOOLS OF THREAD). BUT HE HAS BEEN SWALLOWED SEVERAL TIMES BY SMALL CREATURES AS PHOTON. IT HARDLY MATTERS EXCEPT FOR THE MINOR DISCOMFORT OF “COMING TO” WHILE–UNBEKNOWNST TO ZZZIPP–IN THE LONELY BELLY OF A SMOOTH RED SALAMANDER.
this isn’t really weird, but. once, a few friends and i had some goldfish that we dared another friend to swallow. being the type, he said ok. we were standing around a hot tub because that’s the best place to swallow a fish. we handed him the plastic bag containing water and fish, and as he reached into the bag to scoop the fish out, it slipped from his hand and the fish fell into the hot tub. without hesitation, and much like a zen master full of the utmost concentration and seriousness, he reached into the hot tub and snatched the fish right from the water with his bare hand. if that wasn’t impressive enough (grabbing a small fish from a cloudy hot tub in one try is pretty damn hard), without missing a beat he swallowed the fish whole. it was the most impressive thing i’ve ever seen.
I saw a guy swallow a lit firecracker on the 4th.
I don’t know if it was a trick or just some idiot getting lucky but it was still bizarre.
this isn’t really weird, but. once, a few friends and i had some goldfish that we dared another friend to swallow. being the type, he said ok. we were standing around a hot tub because that’s the best place to swallow a fish. we handed him the plastic bag containing water and fish, and as he reached into the bag to scoop the fish out, it slipped from his hand and the fish fell into the hot tub. without hesitation, and much like a zen master full of the utmost concentration and seriousness, he reached into the hot tub and snatched the fish right from the water with his bare hand. if that wasn’t impressive enough (grabbing a small fish from a cloudy hot tub in one try is pretty damn hard), without missing a beat he swallowed the fish whole. it was the most impressive thing i’ve ever seen.
I saw a guy swallow a lit firecracker on the 4th.
I don’t know if it was a trick or just some idiot getting lucky but it was still bizarre.
I was helping clear out an old shed in Baltimore back in August ’87. A small bee crawled into my Coke can and landed in the last big gulp in the bottom of the can. I finished off the Coke, feeling a definite sting as it went down.
play on wordz, bro. take it as whatever.
whenever.
I was helping clear out an old shed in Baltimore back in August ’87. A small bee crawled into my Coke can and landed in the last big gulp in the bottom of the can. I finished off the Coke, feeling a definite sting as it went down.
play on wordz, bro. take it as whatever.
whenever.
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