December 22nd, 2009 / 3:40 pm
 Contests

Nickname Contest

Nicknames are for athletes and the occasional movie star. I would argue the finest as “The Hammer,” aka Charlie Sheen, only because it was bestowed by teenage Las Vegas call girls. In athletics, I’ll go Owen “What the Heck” Beck (a not so zealous Jamaican boxer), Nicolai “Old One Leg” Andrianov (Russian gymnast), and “He Hate Me,” startling, odd, possibly existential, always fucking awesome, and worn proudly by XFL running back, Rod Smart.

And for writers? (We are not talking pseudonyms, another thing entirely.)

Hemingway, always a bit Large in his Doings, had three: Bumby and Wemedge and Papa. Are there others? At times, writers carry about them a similar mystique and flair for the moment as athletes. Then again, we rarely watch writers (unless in their cups at AWP, or up there pinned like a butterfly by the fidgety light of public readings), we only read them; and the popular reverence value (or Q Score) of authors in our culture will never compete with the zaftig of, say, J Lo’s ass.

I say time for writer nicknames, and so have developed a parlor game. Here are three nicknames, can you name the writers? The rules are simple, and basically universal to nom de guerres: 1.) No rookie can rightly earn a nickname. 2.) These aren’t going to be simply derogatory (though any nickname might lace its endearment with hyperbole). 3.) Truncated proper names OK, but best rhymed, word-played, or somehow morphed with clever.

Anyone gets all three nicknames and I will send the greatest novel about running of all time, Krupp’s Lulu by Gordon Lish. Here you go. Name the three writers:

First Person Cat

The Jersey Tree Assassin

“Old One Leg” Ralph

(You could always ignore this contest, and simply throw down an author nickname.)

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40 Comments

  1. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:16 pm Adam R—

      Scoop?

  2. December 22nd, 2009 / 4:16 pm Adam R—

      Scoop?

  3. December 22nd, 2009 / 4:28 pm CB—

      Your nickname, Sean Lovelace, is “The Throat.”

  4. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:28 pm CB—

      Your nickname, Sean Lovelace, is “The Throat.”

  5. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:29 pm Sean—

      The contest is not about my nickname! (I have none.)

      Guess I have a shitty title for this post….

  6. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:29 pm Sean—

      I am going to change it. I think that breaks some blog internet rule. Well fuck it.

  7. December 22nd, 2009 / 4:29 pm Sean—

      The contest is not about my nickname! (I have none.)

      Guess I have a shitty title for this post….

  8. December 22nd, 2009 / 4:29 pm Sean—

      I am going to change it. I think that breaks some blog internet rule. Well fuck it.

  9. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:31 pm Sean—

      Oh for ethics sake:

      Before fix, title of post was MY NAME IS CONTEST

      now…

      NICKNAME CONTEST

  10. December 22nd, 2009 / 4:31 pm Sean—

      Oh for ethics sake:

      Before fix, title of post was MY NAME IS CONTEST

      now…

      NICKNAME CONTEST

  11. December 22nd, 2009 / 5:05 pm jereme—

      i hope one day to be known as “THE RAMROD”

      but like people just keep calling me ‘jesus’ or ‘the dude’.

      i really liked the coen brothers before every one started watching them and ruined their beauty.

      at least assholes don’t go around overusing lines from “miller’s crossing” or “barton fink”. both are superior to the lebowski movie.

  12. December 22nd, 2009 / 9:05 pm jereme—

      i hope one day to be known as “THE RAMROD”

      but like people just keep calling me ‘jesus’ or ‘the dude’.

      i really liked the coen brothers before every one started watching them and ruined their beauty.

      at least assholes don’t go around overusing lines from “miller’s crossing” or “barton fink”. both are superior to the lebowski movie.

  13. December 22nd, 2009 / 9:35 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      My nickname in prison was “tender chicken fingers.”

  14. December 22nd, 2009 / 5:35 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      My nickname in prison was “tender chicken fingers.”

  15. December 22nd, 2009 / 9:36 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      I have no idea who these people are but look forward to finding out.

  16. December 22nd, 2009 / 5:36 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      I have no idea who these people are but look forward to finding out.

  17. December 22nd, 2009 / 9:52 pm I. Fontana—

      Wrong Way Palace

  18. December 22nd, 2009 / 5:52 pm I. Fontana—

      Wrong Way Palace

  19. December 22nd, 2009 / 10:25 pm Matthew Simmons—

      Soseki
      ?
      Emerson

  20. December 22nd, 2009 / 6:25 pm Matthew Simmons—

      Soseki
      ?
      Emerson

  21. December 23rd, 2009 / 12:20 am Drew—

      Awesome awesome pic. He Hate Me we hardly knew ye.

      I nicknamed my girlfriend Laser awhile ago, and now have my parents calling her that. That’s all I got.

  22. December 22nd, 2009 / 8:20 pm Drew—

      Awesome awesome pic. He Hate Me we hardly knew ye.

      I nicknamed my girlfriend Laser awhile ago, and now have my parents calling her that. That’s all I got.

  23. December 23rd, 2009 / 2:55 am Dan Wickett—

      You’re a sick fuck, Fink.

  24. December 22nd, 2009 / 10:55 pm Dan Wickett—

      You’re a sick fuck, Fink.

  25. December 23rd, 2009 / 12:28 pm Sean—

      Hints?

      First Person Cat is Japanese.

      Jersey Tree Assassin just published yet another book while you are reading this.

      Ralph, are you working on that second novel? Yep, still working on it…

  26. December 23rd, 2009 / 8:28 am Sean—

      Hints?

      First Person Cat is Japanese.

      Jersey Tree Assassin just published yet another book while you are reading this.

      Ralph, are you working on that second novel? Yep, still working on it…

  27. December 23rd, 2009 / 2:13 pm Dan Wickett—

      Natsume Soseki (with special thanks to Mr. Simmons)
      J.C. Oates
      Ralph Ellison

  28. December 23rd, 2009 / 10:13 am Dan Wickett—

      Natsume Soseki (with special thanks to Mr. Simmons)
      J.C. Oates
      Ralph Ellison

  29. December 23rd, 2009 / 3:06 pm Sean—

      Two out of three!

      Simmons led you astray…

      If you see are reading about a talking animal, bourbon, or a jazz bar, you are getting closer…

  30. December 23rd, 2009 / 11:06 am Sean—

      Two out of three!

      Simmons led you astray…

      If you see are reading about a talking animal, bourbon, or a jazz bar, you are getting closer…

  31. December 23rd, 2009 / 5:43 pm james yeh—

      YOU DONT LISTEN

  32. December 23rd, 2009 / 1:43 pm james yeh—

      YOU DONT LISTEN

  33. December 24th, 2009 / 12:19 am Dan Wickett—

      Is it Haruki Murakami?

  34. December 23rd, 2009 / 8:19 pm Dan Wickett—

      Is it Haruki Murakami?

  35. December 24th, 2009 / 7:18 am jereme—

      I will show you the life of the mind!

  36. December 24th, 2009 / 3:18 am jereme—

      I will show you the life of the mind!

  37. December 24th, 2009 / 3:02 pm Sean Lovelace—

      Yes!

      Email me address if you want some Lish!

  38. December 24th, 2009 / 11:02 am Sean Lovelace—

      Yes!

      Email me address if you want some Lish!

  39. December 24th, 2009 / 6:07 pm reynard—
  40. December 24th, 2009 / 2:07 pm reynard—