July 17th, 2010 / 7:26 pm
Craft Notes

John Holmes on Writing

“A happy gardener is one with dirty fingernails, and a happy cook is a fat cook. I never get tired of what I do because I’m a sex fiend. I’m very lusty.”

“Sometimes you get a girl to work with who is gorgeous and with a fantastic body. That makes it all much easier. But I can concentrate on just one aspect of a girl if she doesn’t sexually appeal to me. I can concentrate on the color of her nipple or something like that and it gives me the necessary mental focus.”

“Friends will get you killed.”

‘I’ve never found a girl who could not take it. It’s really in the way you do it, though. I’ve had some women say they’ve had guys half my size who couldn’t get it in. The problem is that most guys don’t know how to read a lady and what she really wants. With some, you have to be gentle and romantic and with others you just have to get down and dirty. The secret is you have to get in touch with what they want.”

“I don`t always hide in the bathroom, sometimes I hide other places. It`s just that the bathroom is usually the only room with a lock on the door.”

“I don’t take drugs. Drugs take me.”

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28 Comments

  1. Hank

      I did not know that John Holmes was an alias of Salvador Dali.

  2. voorface

      “Friends will get you killed.”

      Advice his own friends might have done well to take.

  3. marshall

      oh shit

  4. voorface

      :P

  5. frank

      imagine having coffee with Desiree Cousteau.

  6. mjm

      I’m bigger than he is….

  7. ACFord

      I like to think he and I could have been friends. But, eventually, I’d have killed him.

  8. Blake Butler

      the Dali quote is “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.”

  9. Hank

      I did not know that John Holmes was an alias of Salvador Dali.

  10. voorface

      “Friends will get you killed.”

      Advice his own friends might have done well to take.

  11. Tim

      Best line I’ve read all night.

  12. Guest

      oh shit

  13. voorface

      :P

  14. Hank

      Yeah, I realized that after I commented. Still, it’s really close.

  15. frank

      imagine having coffee with Desiree Cousteau.

  16. mjm

      I’m bigger than he is….

  17. ACFord

      I like to think he and I could have been friends. But, eventually, I’d have killed him.

  18. Blake Butler

      the Dali quote is “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.”

  19. Blake Butler

      i kind of like the variation. holmes went i little further i think.

  20. Douglas Haddow

      You don’t get to 5,000 cumshots without making a few enemies.

  21. Tim

      Best line I’ve read all night.

  22. Hank

      Yeah, I realized that after I commented. Still, it’s really close.

  23. Blake Butler

      i kind of like the variation. holmes went i little further i think.

  24. Douglas Haddow

      You don’t get to 5,000 cumshots without making a few enemies.

  25. joseph

      I have difficulty watching John Holmes porn due to the terrible haircuts.

  26. stephen

      is there a tear in gordon lish’s eye in that banner ad to the right? seems kind of amusing if there is

  27. joseph

      I have difficulty watching John Holmes porn due to the terrible haircuts.

  28. stephen

      is there a tear in gordon lish’s eye in that banner ad to the right? seems kind of amusing if there is