May 31st, 2011 / 11:57 pm
I Like __ A Lot

Once, I got romantic in a Shaws grocery store and bought a bottle of pamplemousse rose flavored perrier water and then climbed a mountain of  snow until I found some craters on the top. I played in these snow holes until packets of taco bell hot sauce fell out of my pocket. Before the mountain of snow melted I drank the rest of the bottle of pamplemousse.

A week later, I tried to buy more pamplemousse. There was no pamplemousse. I went to whole foods. There was no pamplemousse. I drove to three other grocery stores. I could not find any pamplemousses. I looked online. I could only find some gland cream. Months passed. I forgot about everything I ever knew about my mouth enjoyment.

Last week, I went to Stop and Shop to buy eggs. I looked in the water aisle out of habit. I found twenty bottles of pamplemousse. I bought them all. I drove to another Stop and Shop. I found ten more bottles. I have over thirty bottles of pamplemousse. I’ve returned to the Stop and Shop since, but there has been no more pamplemousses.

It’s nice that I have all the pamplemousse left in the entire world. If you would like some pamplemousse I can send you an empty bottle and you can let it drip on you and then maybe you can suck on these last drips.


  1. Matthew Matt Shenko Shenko

      Fire sauce!  Yikes!

  2. M. Kitchell

      I have an unwavering addiction to pamplemousse La Croix, due to the fact that pamplemousse rose Perrier is never to be found.  But yeah, I can grok this shit 4real. 4ever.

  3. Gus

      oh, romance!

  4. Craig Ronald Marchinkoski

      i’ve carried pamplemousse across my back across the continent in search of better grounds to graze, then drank. and now, mine too is all gone. great lord, make the bottles more and make them bottles bigger. i swear i wont eat any more than i already do.