October 27th, 2009 / 10:20 am
Mean & Snippets

Things to not include in your bio so as to not look like a tool: Pushcart or other award nominations, that you were a finalist in a contest or a judge, every magazine credit you’ve ever gotten, where you went to school, where you got a grant or were handed money, what kind of book you’re currently shopping, why you write…

188 Comments

  1. barry

      also…
      who you were published in a journal or anthology with
      who your professors were

      more importantly. what is the purpose of sending a bio at all?

      what use do you get out of them, blake? im curious.

  2. barry

      also…
      who you were published in a journal or anthology with
      who your professors were

      more importantly. what is the purpose of sending a bio at all?

      what use do you get out of them, blake? im curious.

  3. Blake Butler

      i use bios to see if people say stupid shit like the above so i can feel certain i can give up once the first sentence sucks.

  4. Blake Butler

      i use bios to see if people say stupid shit like the above so i can feel certain i can give up once the first sentence sucks.

  5. barry

      haha. nice.

  6. barry

      haha. nice.

  7. Daniel Nester

      Spoken like a writer with a two-book deal!

      It’s mean week, right?

  8. davidpeak

      i had a class once that told me to everything you just said not to do.

      it was very, very bad advice.

      most of what i learned in college was bad advice.

  9. Daniel Nester

      Spoken like a writer with a two-book deal!

      It’s mean week, right?

  10. davidpeak

      i had a class once that told me to everything you just said not to do.

      it was very, very bad advice.

      most of what i learned in college was bad advice.

  11. Blake Butler

      spoken like a person who’s read a lot of shitty bios

  12. Blake Butler

      spoken like a person who’s read a lot of shitty bios

  13. Blake Butler

      haha, i love the who you were in an anthology with ones. or people you went to school with

  14. Blake Butler

      haha, i love the who you were in an anthology with ones. or people you went to school with

  15. barry

      david:

      i wouldnt necessarily say that is bad advice. we are only two people, there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. longer than it should.

      and really, what blake’s talking about. he only said that having that info means you really gotta bring your a game. so what, then bring the a game. why wouldnt people do that anyway?

  16. barry

      david:

      i wouldnt necessarily say that is bad advice. we are only two people, there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. longer than it should.

      and really, what blake’s talking about. he only said that having that info means you really gotta bring your a game. so what, then bring the a game. why wouldnt people do that anyway?

  17. Blake Butler

      tru dat. it’s just another shit covered business card. i still read it, but usually while farting inside my mind. i’ve still read work that grabbed me beyond it. and i’m sure certain other places get boners for it.

  18. Blake Butler

      tru dat. it’s just another shit covered business card. i still read it, but usually while farting inside my mind. i’ve still read work that grabbed me beyond it. and i’m sure certain other places get boners for it.

  19. Ryan Call

      i just list mag credits, editing work, personal history, and so on that directly associates me with blake butler.

  20. Ryan Call

      i just list mag credits, editing work, personal history, and so on that directly associates me with blake butler.

  21. davidpeak

      i think it felt like bad advice to me because it was a formula. there wasn’t anything personal in it. when i first started sending work out i embarrassed myself with a lot of really bad cover letters, stretching myself to seem more accomplished–because that’s what i’d been told to do.

      bios and cover letters can be great for writers with a storied background, but is that necessarily the best thing to tell undergraduate writing students? or should they spend more time focusing on the writing itself, letting the writing speak for itself?

  22. davidpeak

      i think it felt like bad advice to me because it was a formula. there wasn’t anything personal in it. when i first started sending work out i embarrassed myself with a lot of really bad cover letters, stretching myself to seem more accomplished–because that’s what i’d been told to do.

      bios and cover letters can be great for writers with a storied background, but is that necessarily the best thing to tell undergraduate writing students? or should they spend more time focusing on the writing itself, letting the writing speak for itself?

  23. Vaughan Simons

      I think everybody should list absolutely every magazine they’ve been in, not miss out a single one. Really. Preferably write a one-line poem or piece of fiction, but then make sure your bio is about seventy-six lines. Oh, and here’s a tip: keep people reading your ego-massaging bout of self-aggrandisement by listing your featured literary magazines in descending order of ridiculous title, e.g. “I have also featured in Necrophiliac Penguin, Sublime Teatray, Magical Realist Gerbil, Artichoke Vestibule, Slurping Bishops and was a runner-up, mentioned in dispatches, in the competition run by Inebriated Titwankers Magazine.”

  24. Vaughan Simons

      I think everybody should list absolutely every magazine they’ve been in, not miss out a single one. Really. Preferably write a one-line poem or piece of fiction, but then make sure your bio is about seventy-six lines. Oh, and here’s a tip: keep people reading your ego-massaging bout of self-aggrandisement by listing your featured literary magazines in descending order of ridiculous title, e.g. “I have also featured in Necrophiliac Penguin, Sublime Teatray, Magical Realist Gerbil, Artichoke Vestibule, Slurping Bishops and was a runner-up, mentioned in dispatches, in the competition run by Inebriated Titwankers Magazine.”

  25. Justin Taylor

      I’m all for the minimalist bio. And I’ll be the first to admit it was a hard lesson to learn. A person is *proud* of what they’ve done. You want to SHOUT it from the rooftops. But a bio should never be more than thee lines long, unless it appears in/on a book with your name on the front. I think at that point a little “getting to know you” is in order, if one wishes it.

      But yeah, announcing things you haven’t quite won is about as low as it gets. Also, I think there should be some attention paid to the venue in which you are being published. Since I publish a bit of everything–poetry, nonfiction, fiction, editorial work–I’m likely to tailor the bio to suit whatever new work it is attached to. If I’m publishing a poem in a small-run lit journal, will those people care that I edited a book of short fiction? Probably not. Similarly, if I’m writing a music essay for a commercial print publication, is that really the place to hawk my poetry chapbook?

      I personally think the minimalist bio is aesthetically pleasing, and the modesty is appreciated by the reader. If I like a piece of writing I read, I usually go straight for the bio. I like to get to know people. But one or two credits, a “lives in _____” and a website are more than enough. If I’m truly interested, I’ll come and find you on my own.

  26. Justin Taylor

      I’m all for the minimalist bio. And I’ll be the first to admit it was a hard lesson to learn. A person is *proud* of what they’ve done. You want to SHOUT it from the rooftops. But a bio should never be more than thee lines long, unless it appears in/on a book with your name on the front. I think at that point a little “getting to know you” is in order, if one wishes it.

      But yeah, announcing things you haven’t quite won is about as low as it gets. Also, I think there should be some attention paid to the venue in which you are being published. Since I publish a bit of everything–poetry, nonfiction, fiction, editorial work–I’m likely to tailor the bio to suit whatever new work it is attached to. If I’m publishing a poem in a small-run lit journal, will those people care that I edited a book of short fiction? Probably not. Similarly, if I’m writing a music essay for a commercial print publication, is that really the place to hawk my poetry chapbook?

      I personally think the minimalist bio is aesthetically pleasing, and the modesty is appreciated by the reader. If I like a piece of writing I read, I usually go straight for the bio. I like to get to know people. But one or two credits, a “lives in _____” and a website are more than enough. If I’m truly interested, I’ll come and find you on my own.

  27. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Tim Jones-Yelvington went to middle school with Willem Dafoe’s son (who hated Tim passionately) and Cole Brenner’s son and to high school with Patti Smith’s son, Rosanne Cash’s daughter and Sally Greenberg, whose mental illness is the subject of her father, author Michael Greenberg’s memoir, “Hurry Down Sunshine.” Recently, Rosanne Cash and Michael Greenberg were interviewed on the same NPR program on the same day. Tim Jones-Yelvington did not listen, but only heard about the broadcast the following day from his boss.

  28. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Tim Jones-Yelvington went to middle school with Willem Dafoe’s son (who hated Tim passionately) and Cole Brenner’s son and to high school with Patti Smith’s son, Rosanne Cash’s daughter and Sally Greenberg, whose mental illness is the subject of her father, author Michael Greenberg’s memoir, “Hurry Down Sunshine.” Recently, Rosanne Cash and Michael Greenberg were interviewed on the same NPR program on the same day. Tim Jones-Yelvington did not listen, but only heard about the broadcast the following day from his boss.

  29. james yeh

      seriously? someone put who they went to school with?

  30. james yeh

      seriously? someone put who they went to school with?

  31. barry

      it all depends where you’re sending.

      minimalist bios are good for some places. some places they smell like amateur rookie and your submission will be treated as such.

  32. barry

      it all depends where you’re sending.

      minimalist bios are good for some places. some places they smell like amateur rookie and your submission will be treated as such.

  33. Lincoln

      It kind of surprises me how many people don’t realize you shouldn’t list a pushcart nomination. I see that all the time. Even seen it from some writers I love from their early bios.

  34. Sean

      Why you write is a classic.

  35. Lincoln

      It kind of surprises me how many people don’t realize you shouldn’t list a pushcart nomination. I see that all the time. Even seen it from some writers I love from their early bios.

  36. Sean

      Why you write is a classic.

  37. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      me too, my only prior experience w/ cover letters was job applications, where you’re supposed to put a sentence abt why you’d be an asset to the employer. Also to show you’ve done your homework. So I think I sent out a couple cover letters w/ those godawful sentences praising the publication and saying what I hoped my story might offer them. Gross.

  38. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      me too, my only prior experience w/ cover letters was job applications, where you’re supposed to put a sentence abt why you’d be an asset to the employer. Also to show you’ve done your homework. So I think I sent out a couple cover letters w/ those godawful sentences praising the publication and saying what I hoped my story might offer them. Gross.

  39. Sean

      My bios have changed a lot. Will change again. Most of the things I make fun of, I’ve done though. That might be my life actually.

  40. barry

      i agree its annoying, but how does listing it effect your submission and whether or not its accepted. i dont understand.

  41. Sean

      My bios have changed a lot. Will change again. Most of the things I make fun of, I’ve done though. That might be my life actually.

  42. barry

      i agree its annoying, but how does listing it effect your submission and whether or not its accepted. i dont understand.

  43. Lincoln

      Although I never personally put down where I went to school, I’ve seen magazines say they want to know if and where you got an MFA so I can see why people do that.

  44. Lincoln

      Although I never personally put down where I went to school, I’ve seen magazines say they want to know if and where you got an MFA so I can see why people do that.

  45. Justin Taylor

      Yeah it’s pretty declasse, I think. I’ve also gone round a few times with whether or not to list my “honorable mention” in Best American Essays a few years ago. Was I long-listed? A runner-up? Did DFW actually read my piece, or was the long-list compiled by the general series editor? You really can’t know, and it’s weird any way you slice it. You will see it appear in my bio on rare occasion, but that typically means one of two things- either somebody else wrote the bio, or I was trying extra hard (probably too hard) to impress somebody somewhere for some reason.

  46. Justin Taylor

      Yeah it’s pretty declasse, I think. I’ve also gone round a few times with whether or not to list my “honorable mention” in Best American Essays a few years ago. Was I long-listed? A runner-up? Did DFW actually read my piece, or was the long-list compiled by the general series editor? You really can’t know, and it’s weird any way you slice it. You will see it appear in my bio on rare occasion, but that typically means one of two things- either somebody else wrote the bio, or I was trying extra hard (probably too hard) to impress somebody somewhere for some reason.

  47. Lincoln

      I went to school with James Yeh and posted online with Blake Butler. Publish me!

  48. Lincoln

      I went to school with James Yeh and posted online with Blake Butler. Publish me!

  49. Lincoln

      there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. l

      I’m not sure about that. I don’t know of any journal that likes seeing a gigantic list of every random magazine, from the New Goblin Poetry Review (mean week points for anyone who gets that random reference) to My High School Lit Quarterly, and I don’t know any magazines that care about a pushcart nomination. A Pushcart award is something to write home about, but getting a pushcart nom from a random journal really doesn’t mean much and if you got one from a great journal might as well just list them straight. Ditto with everything else blake says with the exception of grant money and where you went to school, I can see some people caring about those (as much as one cares about anything on a bio)

  50. Lincoln

      there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. l

      I’m not sure about that. I don’t know of any journal that likes seeing a gigantic list of every random magazine, from the New Goblin Poetry Review (mean week points for anyone who gets that random reference) to My High School Lit Quarterly, and I don’t know any magazines that care about a pushcart nomination. A Pushcart award is something to write home about, but getting a pushcart nom from a random journal really doesn’t mean much and if you got one from a great journal might as well just list them straight. Ditto with everything else blake says with the exception of grant money and where you went to school, I can see some people caring about those (as much as one cares about anything on a bio)

  51. christian

      Grants — sometimes you’re contractually obliged by the granting organization to mention them for a certain period. Sucks, but I’ll do it for the money.

      What about when people include the meta line about “also feels awkward writing about himself in the 3rd person.” That one annoys me more than any listing of credentials.

  52. christian

      Grants — sometimes you’re contractually obliged by the granting organization to mention them for a certain period. Sucks, but I’ll do it for the money.

      What about when people include the meta line about “also feels awkward writing about himself in the 3rd person.” That one annoys me more than any listing of credentials.

  53. carl

      i love it when people send fake (re: funny) bios. that makes my day. there should be more of that. i’d like to do a journal of collected fake bios.

  54. carl

      i love it when people send fake (re: funny) bios. that makes my day. there should be more of that. i’d like to do a journal of collected fake bios.

  55. Mike Meginnis

      I see it all the time.

      “Why I writes” are the worst.

  56. Lincoln

      In general I completely agree with the above. However, I find it odd when some super published super famous author just lists one random thing on their bio like “Jonathan Lethem recently had a story in Tin House’s fall issue” or whatever.

  57. Mike Meginnis

      I see it all the time.

      “Why I writes” are the worst.

  58. Lincoln

      In general I completely agree with the above. However, I find it odd when some super published super famous author just lists one random thing on their bio like “Jonathan Lethem recently had a story in Tin House’s fall issue” or whatever.

  59. rachel

      This is silly. BUT. I find it hard not to list all my credits– I don’t have that many so it’s not yet totally ridiculous– just because, I’m very grateful for the places that publish me, and feel like I’m pissing on them a bit when I don’t mention them. Considering the times I’ve found a particular litmag through someone’s bio, there is a feeling that that is an important promotional venue, not for me but for those journals.

  60. rachel

      This is silly. BUT. I find it hard not to list all my credits– I don’t have that many so it’s not yet totally ridiculous– just because, I’m very grateful for the places that publish me, and feel like I’m pissing on them a bit when I don’t mention them. Considering the times I’ve found a particular litmag through someone’s bio, there is a feeling that that is an important promotional venue, not for me but for those journals.

  61. Shya

      I normally list where I went to school. I do it for two reasons: 1) because admission was essentially like having a really, really long work accepted by a very competitive journal published by a handful of writers I love–making it essentially one of my biggest accomplishments so far as a writer, and 2) because I’m interested in propagating the program–young (or old) people who read my work and like my sensibility might be interested in knowing where it was that sensibility was fostered and developed.

  62. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I would like you to please use these magazine names in a for-real bio.

  63. Shya

      I normally list where I went to school. I do it for two reasons: 1) because admission was essentially like having a really, really long work accepted by a very competitive journal published by a handful of writers I love–making it essentially one of my biggest accomplishments so far as a writer, and 2) because I’m interested in propagating the program–young (or old) people who read my work and like my sensibility might be interested in knowing where it was that sensibility was fostered and developed.

  64. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I would like you to please use these magazine names in a for-real bio.

  65. Mike Meginnis

      The most heartbreaking thing is when someone lists every publication I’d kill to be in and then you read the story and it’s God-awful. Happens all the time in slush. Turns me into a real pissant for a little while.

  66. Mike Meginnis

      The most heartbreaking thing is when someone lists every publication I’d kill to be in and then you read the story and it’s God-awful. Happens all the time in slush. Turns me into a real pissant for a little while.

  67. mimi

      What if you’re applying for a job as a tool?

  68. davidpeak

      “i just know that my tightly calibrated, heartfelt story ‘bag of dicks’ would be perfect for your wonderful journal”

  69. mimi

      What if you’re applying for a job as a tool?

  70. davidpeak

      “i just know that my tightly calibrated, heartfelt story ‘bag of dicks’ would be perfect for your wonderful journal”

  71. Sarah

      seems like overly negative advice for writers just starting out who need to flesh out w/ SOMETHING (i.e. this post wouldve depressed the hell out of me 2 years ago, in terms of, “oh god, what do i put in at all, then??”).

  72. Lincoln

      Yeah, I don’t see anything wrong with listing a school, for the reasons you list. I normally don’t because I feel there are so many people who hate MFA programs might as well not risk getting on a reader/editor’s bad side (I realize there are a ton of LROD types who will disagree and say all journals are propagated by an MFA conspiracy or something). I’m more likely to list it in a bio than a cover letter.

  73. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      After Tim Jones-Yelvington’s grandmother discovered his classmates had tackled him in the boys’ room, removed his underwear, stuffed them in his mouth and tied him to a tree limb with double dutch jump ropes, she wrapped him in electrical tape and locked him in her bedroom closet where musty, sequined gowns dangled, itching what skin remained exposed, and where she fed him pureed dry dog food through a mail slot-sized hole she cut into the door using a chainsaw gifted her by her late husband Irv. Locked in the closet for 48 hours, Tim Jones-Yelvington escaped into a world of pure imagination (there were centaurs!) and hasn’t stopped writing since.

  74. Lincoln

      I’d probably list no more than four.

  75. Sarah

      seems like overly negative advice for writers just starting out who need to flesh out w/ SOMETHING (i.e. this post wouldve depressed the hell out of me 2 years ago, in terms of, “oh god, what do i put in at all, then??”).

  76. Lincoln

      Yeah, I don’t see anything wrong with listing a school, for the reasons you list. I normally don’t because I feel there are so many people who hate MFA programs might as well not risk getting on a reader/editor’s bad side (I realize there are a ton of LROD types who will disagree and say all journals are propagated by an MFA conspiracy or something). I’m more likely to list it in a bio than a cover letter.

  77. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      After Tim Jones-Yelvington’s grandmother discovered his classmates had tackled him in the boys’ room, removed his underwear, stuffed them in his mouth and tied him to a tree limb with double dutch jump ropes, she wrapped him in electrical tape and locked him in her bedroom closet where musty, sequined gowns dangled, itching what skin remained exposed, and where she fed him pureed dry dog food through a mail slot-sized hole she cut into the door using a chainsaw gifted her by her late husband Irv. Locked in the closet for 48 hours, Tim Jones-Yelvington escaped into a world of pure imagination (there were centaurs!) and hasn’t stopped writing since.

  78. Lincoln

      I’d probably list no more than four.

  79. Justin Taylor

      Shya that’s the best reason for listing your school that I’ve ever heard.

  80. Justin Taylor

      Shya that’s the best reason for listing your school that I’ve ever heard.

  81. Lincoln

      A CV isn’t a cover letter.

  82. Lincoln

      Oh wait this is about bios. Also not a bio though.

  83. Lincoln

      A CV isn’t a cover letter.

  84. Lincoln

      Oh wait this is about bios. Also not a bio though.

  85. Lincoln

      and I misread your post. Shoot me in the face.

  86. Lincoln

      and I misread your post. Shoot me in the face.

  87. Matt K

      Bios are another ‘business of writing’ skill that comes with time, and the ‘rules’, while obvious to some, just take time to learn. Yeah, sometimes I roll my eyes at a bio, but that never affects my reading of a submission. Ultimately, who gives a shit if the writer wants to list their complete CV and all the book awards for which they’ve been finalists. It’s their bio.

  88. Matt K

      Bios are another ‘business of writing’ skill that comes with time, and the ‘rules’, while obvious to some, just take time to learn. Yeah, sometimes I roll my eyes at a bio, but that never affects my reading of a submission. Ultimately, who gives a shit if the writer wants to list their complete CV and all the book awards for which they’ve been finalists. It’s their bio.

  89. jacob

      Wolf Larson, anyone?

  90. jacob

      Wolf Larson, anyone?

  91. Amelia

      I’ll go ahead and speak for those who are too nervous to anonymously comment when I say “Christ, what an asshole”

  92. Amelia

      I’ll go ahead and speak for those who are too nervous to anonymously comment when I say “Christ, what an asshole”

  93. Matt K

      SO mean!

  94. Matt K

      SO mean!

  95. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      my dicks are tightly-calibrated.

  96. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      my dicks are tightly-calibrated.

  97. barry

      i’m with you matt. whatever people wanna do in their bios, let them do it. i dont understand how that effects their submission anyway. either the writing is good and you accept it or its shit and you don’t.

      “who cares if mr miyagi was his shadoshi”

      free dogz antho to the first person who tells me where that’s from?

  98. Blake Butler

      haha, yes, the meta references can get actually amazing, in the worst of all ways

  99. barry

      i’m with you matt. whatever people wanna do in their bios, let them do it. i dont understand how that effects their submission anyway. either the writing is good and you accept it or its shit and you don’t.

      “who cares if mr miyagi was his shadoshi”

      free dogz antho to the first person who tells me where that’s from?

  100. Blake Butler

      haha, yes, the meta references can get actually amazing, in the worst of all ways

  101. Blake Butler

      that’s cuz you often have to write piss to get into places you think you’d kill to be in

  102. Blake Butler

      that’s cuz you often have to write piss to get into places you think you’d kill to be in

  103. Blake Butler

      saying i am new and just beginning to send work out is better than listing the above things, i promise.

  104. Blake Butler

      saying i am new and just beginning to send work out is better than listing the above things, i promise.

  105. Blake Butler

      it’s true, i eat glass for breakfast every morning

  106. Blake Butler

      it’s true, i eat glass for breakfast every morning

  107. Sean
  108. Sean
  109. Amelia

      If you were proud enough of eating glass to put it in your bio I would respect that

  110. Amelia

      If you were proud enough of eating glass to put it in your bio I would respect that

  111. Matt K

      I’m not impressed by glass eating. I see that in bios all the time to the point where reading ‘glass eater’ is no different than ‘pushcart prize nominee’. If somebody does something new with glass, like making love to it, that will make me read their manuscript just a little bit more closely.

  112. Matt K

      I’m not impressed by glass eating. I see that in bios all the time to the point where reading ‘glass eater’ is no different than ‘pushcart prize nominee’. If somebody does something new with glass, like making love to it, that will make me read their manuscript just a little bit more closely.

  113. mimi

      The Karate Kid?

  114. mimi

      The Karate Kid?

  115. Nathan Tyree

      New Gotham Poetry Review?

  116. Nathan Tyree

      New Gotham Poetry Review?

  117. Blake Butler

      we are on the hunt for Wolf Larson for an interview, if you know about it, shout about it

  118. Blake Butler

      we are on the hunt for Wolf Larson for an interview, if you know about it, shout about it

  119. joe

      in both cases, please consider submitting to my magazine.

  120. joe

      in both cases, please consider submitting to my magazine.

  121. Lincoln

      Nah, the James Wood review of Spider Man 2

  122. Lincoln

      Nah, the James Wood review of Spider Man 2

  123. Lincoln

      What? Why did I type James Wood. I meant Anthony Lane.

  124. Lincoln

      What? Why did I type James Wood. I meant Anthony Lane.

  125. Nathan Tyree

      These days my cover letter goes a little bit like this:

      Dear Steve

      I’m sending a story for you to consider. It is called “Ethel the Goat Fucks up the Donkey Show” and is approximately 4,000 words.

      Thanks

      Nate

  126. Nathan Tyree

      These days my cover letter goes a little bit like this:

      Dear Steve

      I’m sending a story for you to consider. It is called “Ethel the Goat Fucks up the Donkey Show” and is approximately 4,000 words.

      Thanks

      Nate

  127. brandi

      “most of what i learned in college was bad advice”

  128. brandi

      “most of what i learned in college was bad advice”

  129. Tim Horvath

      I really want to read James Wood’s review of Spider Man 2. Maybe I can dream it if I rent the movie and watch it while reading How Fiction Works and eating unwashed habaneros.

  130. Tim Horvath

      I really want to read James Wood’s review of Spider Man 2. Maybe I can dream it if I rent the movie and watch it while reading How Fiction Works and eating unwashed habaneros.

  131. Matthew Simmons

      Also, don’t mention your name in a bio.

  132. Matthew Simmons

      Also, don’t mention your name in a bio.

  133. Roxane Gay

      I love cover letters and all the quirky things writers share but some days I get really frustrated. I have blogged extensively about the damn pushcart nomination. I could put up a website tomorrow, add a story, and nominate it for a pushcart. Tell me if you’ve won the prize or please just keep that accolade to yourself and your Facebook status and blog. When people tell me why they write it makes me profoundly sad. I can hardly bear it anymore. I also hate when writers I actually like and who know better have bios that are 300 words long. That makes me feel very embarrassed. I hate when people are vague and say, “I’ve been published here and there.” You might as well not mention anything if you’re going to say that. It’s the same thing. I hate when people act disaffected and pithy like I’m above mentioning where I’ve been published. If you don’t care about publishing, why are you submitting? Finally, and I see this far too often, I hate when writers are self-deprecating and say, “This isn’t a great story but,” or “I know this doesn’t remotely fit your aesthetic…” Really? If you aren’t proud of your work, why would I like it? Any of these other peeves, I will get over but I absolutely get furious with the bullshit self-deprecation or the acknowledgment that writers know their work isn’t a good fit. That sort of posturing is insulting. Don’t waste my time.

  134. Roxane Gay

      I love cover letters and all the quirky things writers share but some days I get really frustrated. I have blogged extensively about the damn pushcart nomination. I could put up a website tomorrow, add a story, and nominate it for a pushcart. Tell me if you’ve won the prize or please just keep that accolade to yourself and your Facebook status and blog. When people tell me why they write it makes me profoundly sad. I can hardly bear it anymore. I also hate when writers I actually like and who know better have bios that are 300 words long. That makes me feel very embarrassed. I hate when people are vague and say, “I’ve been published here and there.” You might as well not mention anything if you’re going to say that. It’s the same thing. I hate when people act disaffected and pithy like I’m above mentioning where I’ve been published. If you don’t care about publishing, why are you submitting? Finally, and I see this far too often, I hate when writers are self-deprecating and say, “This isn’t a great story but,” or “I know this doesn’t remotely fit your aesthetic…” Really? If you aren’t proud of your work, why would I like it? Any of these other peeves, I will get over but I absolutely get furious with the bullshit self-deprecation or the acknowledgment that writers know their work isn’t a good fit. That sort of posturing is insulting. Don’t waste my time.

  135. james yeh

      actually, those sound kind of great. do they do it in the first or third person?

  136. james yeh

      actually, those sound kind of great. do they do it in the first or third person?

  137. Amber

      When I first starting writing, and didn’t have any publication credits, I submitted to Glimmer Train and got a runner up or whatever those prizes are. I put that on every bio I sent out until someone gently counseled me and told me how stupid that was. I was mortified. I mean, can you imagine? Well, yes, I’m sure you can. “I have not been published (yet!) but was one of 375,000 runners up in Glimmer Train’s semi-weekly fiction prize for new writers. I am on my way to greatness!”

      I still live in terror of the bio, even though mine are as plain as can be now. But here’s a question…how many of you like to hear what story someone liked in the magazine? I’ve seen publications ask for this, and I’ve seen people say it’s stupid…I’ve mostly dropped it now, but I feel like if I were editing a magazine, I’d like to hear what stuff people enjoyed reading. But maybe not…

  138. Amber

      When I first starting writing, and didn’t have any publication credits, I submitted to Glimmer Train and got a runner up or whatever those prizes are. I put that on every bio I sent out until someone gently counseled me and told me how stupid that was. I was mortified. I mean, can you imagine? Well, yes, I’m sure you can. “I have not been published (yet!) but was one of 375,000 runners up in Glimmer Train’s semi-weekly fiction prize for new writers. I am on my way to greatness!”

      I still live in terror of the bio, even though mine are as plain as can be now. But here’s a question…how many of you like to hear what story someone liked in the magazine? I’ve seen publications ask for this, and I’ve seen people say it’s stupid…I’ve mostly dropped it now, but I feel like if I were editing a magazine, I’d like to hear what stuff people enjoyed reading. But maybe not…

  139. gena

      i like reading funny fake bios. seeing how creative a person can get just with a bio is refreshing.

  140. gena

      i like reading funny fake bios. seeing how creative a person can get just with a bio is refreshing.

  141. Erin

      John Domini has these two lines about a translation in his bio: “Terremoto Napoletano was translated by Stefano Manferlotti. The press is Tullio Pironti Editore, the first Italian house to publish Don DeLillo.” Also, “Don DeLillo” is highlighted in blue. Tool.

  142. Erin

      John Domini has these two lines about a translation in his bio: “Terremoto Napoletano was translated by Stefano Manferlotti. The press is Tullio Pironti Editore, the first Italian house to publish Don DeLillo.” Also, “Don DeLillo” is highlighted in blue. Tool.

  143. Roxane Gay

      I don’t mind when writers share what they’ve enjoyed in our magazine but I do hate when it is required. It makes me feel like I’m being tested (which I am). Its kind of… in poor taste to make people jump through hoops like that when you’re not going to pay them for their writing.

  144. Roxane Gay

      I don’t mind when writers share what they’ve enjoyed in our magazine but I do hate when it is required. It makes me feel like I’m being tested (which I am). Its kind of… in poor taste to make people jump through hoops like that when you’re not going to pay them for their writing.

  145. christopher earl.

      people seriously namedrop profs and classmates?

  146. christopher earl.

      people seriously namedrop profs and classmates?

  147. christopher earl.

      yeah. i’m considering starting up a new mag for the soul purpose of publishing david’s bag of dicks.

  148. christopher earl.

      yeah. i’m considering starting up a new mag for the soul purpose of publishing david’s bag of dicks.

  149. ce.

      i’m with Tim on this one.

  150. Nathan Tyree

      I was in an anthology with me, and I rock, therefor I must rock based on my position near me

  151. ce.

      i’m with Tim on this one.

  152. Nathan Tyree

      I was in an anthology with me, and I rock, therefor I must rock based on my position near me

  153. Vaughan Simons

      Pushcart … Pushcart …?

      Is that like a shopping trolley?

  154. Vaughan Simons

      Pushcart … Pushcart …?

      Is that like a shopping trolley?

  155. ce.

      and sometimes, you think that piss is still good enough to splash on people’s shoes.

  156. ce.

      and sometimes, you think that piss is still good enough to splash on people’s shoes.

  157. ce.

      i get a good feeling when i see an author bio something as a first publication in a journal.

  158. ce.

      i get a good feeling when i see an author bio something as a first publication in a journal.

  159. PHM

      It’s all about who cares wins.

  160. PHM

      It’s all about who cares wins.

  161. Mr. Wonderful

      Michael Martone did a book of them.

  162. Mr. Wonderful

      Michael Martone did a book of them.

  163. Ani Smith

      I was in Inebriated Titwankers. TWICE.

      Oh, wait. Wrong site.

  164. Ani Smith

      I was in Inebriated Titwankers. TWICE.

      Oh, wait. Wrong site.

  165. Mike Meginnis

      That’s true for many of them, of course. And I wouldn’t really kill to be in most of those. But, for instance, Hobart, which has published people I like a lot, has also apparently published some of the worst (or at least, most inconsistent) writers working today. It is strange.

  166. Mike Meginnis

      That’s true for many of them, of course. And I wouldn’t really kill to be in most of those. But, for instance, Hobart, which has published people I like a lot, has also apparently published some of the worst (or at least, most inconsistent) writers working today. It is strange.

  167. Ryan Call

      or even drink it.

  168. Ryan Call

      or even drink it.

  169. jacob

      I like it when people cut and paste photos of their children and their pets – preferably when one is mostly inside of the other.

  170. jacob

      I like it when people cut and paste photos of their children and their pets – preferably when one is mostly inside of the other.

  171. barry

      lincoln:

      this statement:

      ““there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. ”

      I’m not sure about that. I don’t know of any journal that likes seeing a gigantic list of every random magazine…”

      i never one time said to include a gigantic list of publications. what i said was there are journals, very good journals that care about things like award nominations, prizes you’ve won, where you got your mfa, journals you’ve been published in, etc etc.

      not sure where i ever said gigantic, or even insinuated it. i said “shit like that” and thats what i was referring to.

      also, no one has answered the question yet.

      minimalist bio, extensive self indulgent bio, funny bio, how/why does any of that matter? how does that effect the decision whether or not a person is published. which begs the next question. what is the point of including a bio?

  172. barry

      lincoln:

      this statement:

      ““there are plenty of journals, good journals, that shit like that goes a long way. ”

      I’m not sure about that. I don’t know of any journal that likes seeing a gigantic list of every random magazine…”

      i never one time said to include a gigantic list of publications. what i said was there are journals, very good journals that care about things like award nominations, prizes you’ve won, where you got your mfa, journals you’ve been published in, etc etc.

      not sure where i ever said gigantic, or even insinuated it. i said “shit like that” and thats what i was referring to.

      also, no one has answered the question yet.

      minimalist bio, extensive self indulgent bio, funny bio, how/why does any of that matter? how does that effect the decision whether or not a person is published. which begs the next question. what is the point of including a bio?

  173. Lincoln

      Hey barry, your comment seemed like a general reaction to blake’s post so I was just saying I think for everything he listed there really aren’t any good journals that care about them with two excepts: grants and where/if you did an MFA.

      As for your question, as an editor I’ll say I don’t care about that which I think is true. As a writer, I think you put that stuff in in hopes that some low level reader will be like “oh, this person seems legit, I’ll give them more than a one-sentence read and/or pass it up to the actual editor to decide.”

      I don’t think anyone thinks an editor who dislikes a piece will accept it based on a bio, but you think maybe they will give it a closer read or more of a chance… or as said, a low-level reader will. Whether that works or not is hard to know…

  174. Lincoln

      Hey barry, your comment seemed like a general reaction to blake’s post so I was just saying I think for everything he listed there really aren’t any good journals that care about them with two excepts: grants and where/if you did an MFA.

      As for your question, as an editor I’ll say I don’t care about that which I think is true. As a writer, I think you put that stuff in in hopes that some low level reader will be like “oh, this person seems legit, I’ll give them more than a one-sentence read and/or pass it up to the actual editor to decide.”

      I don’t think anyone thinks an editor who dislikes a piece will accept it based on a bio, but you think maybe they will give it a closer read or more of a chance… or as said, a low-level reader will. Whether that works or not is hard to know…

  175. jensen

      combine it with your who i went to high school bio from above there and i think it might, i don’t know, reach a critical mass of awesome.

  176. jensen

      combine it with your who i went to high school bio from above there and i think it might, i don’t know, reach a critical mass of awesome.

  177. jensen

      we’ll publish anyone. also: ouch!

  178. jensen

      we’ll publish anyone. also: ouch!

  179. barry

      i was in a journal called “instant pussy”

      i’m only gonna list that one on the bio from now on.

  180. barry

      i was in a journal called “instant pussy”

      i’m only gonna list that one on the bio from now on.

  181. barry

      yeah, i agree with all of this.

  182. barry

      yeah, i agree with all of this.

  183. Aaron

      Heidy Ho’s poems have appeared in a variety of publications. Her future awards will hopefully include prizes from the Academy of American Poets and the Dick Sargent Rosenberg Foundation, and one of those Barrelhouse Pushcart baby tees. She did in actuality receive her B.A. from Duke University and her M.F.A from UIA Huskboro, where she was a Rabid Jarrell fellow. She and her cat-husbands publish the e-zine Le Ampersand in Huskboro, Iowa. Her manuscript Parable of the Clammy Feeling Hands was selected by contest judge Cheryl St. Gerund as winner of the 2008 Hiding Serpent Prize for Poetry but not published — just selected, which she has very mixed feelings about.

      She is seeking a publisher for her book Willy Maze Haze Up In An Architectural Blaze and, if things go as planned, will be editing Shit That Pays the Billz: Bitter Writings from Teachers of WritersCorps. Not to sound too proud of herself, but in 1983 she was also coeditor of Parthenon West Review and is now working toward a Ph.D. in literaturary schematics at Western Kalamazoo University, where she teaches poetry and serves as assistant editorial assistant of the handicapable journal Kids With Issues Press.

  184. Aaron

      Heidy Ho’s poems have appeared in a variety of publications. Her future awards will hopefully include prizes from the Academy of American Poets and the Dick Sargent Rosenberg Foundation, and one of those Barrelhouse Pushcart baby tees. She did in actuality receive her B.A. from Duke University and her M.F.A from UIA Huskboro, where she was a Rabid Jarrell fellow. She and her cat-husbands publish the e-zine Le Ampersand in Huskboro, Iowa. Her manuscript Parable of the Clammy Feeling Hands was selected by contest judge Cheryl St. Gerund as winner of the 2008 Hiding Serpent Prize for Poetry but not published — just selected, which she has very mixed feelings about.

      She is seeking a publisher for her book Willy Maze Haze Up In An Architectural Blaze and, if things go as planned, will be editing Shit That Pays the Billz: Bitter Writings from Teachers of WritersCorps. Not to sound too proud of herself, but in 1983 she was also coeditor of Parthenon West Review and is now working toward a Ph.D. in literaturary schematics at Western Kalamazoo University, where she teaches poetry and serves as assistant editorial assistant of the handicapable journal Kids With Issues Press.

  185. John Domini

      “Tool?” Are someone’s delicate sensibilities upset because I have news of the translations of my work in my website? Why on earth?

      As for DeLillo’s name in blue, I’ve got little control over that (I don’t know HTML; someone else posts updates for me), but the color indicates a link to a wonderful novelist’s translations. Translations, what’s more, on a wonderful, shoestring house that’s done a lot of good for writers from outside Italy, in particular Arabs & Africans. If the link no longer works, I’ll try to have it fixed.

      Look, the work is what matters, the work of editors & writers mostly trying to do their best. Read the books — for one, the novel (note, *novel,* a work of imagination) MICHAEL MARTONE BY MICHAEL MARTONE. The rest of this, fretting over small matters of tact, is a waste.

      Stop fussing & concentrate on the words, sentences, stories.

  186. John Domini

      “Tool?” Are someone’s delicate sensibilities upset because I have news of the translations of my work in my website? Why on earth?

      As for DeLillo’s name in blue, I’ve got little control over that (I don’t know HTML; someone else posts updates for me), but the color indicates a link to a wonderful novelist’s translations. Translations, what’s more, on a wonderful, shoestring house that’s done a lot of good for writers from outside Italy, in particular Arabs & Africans. If the link no longer works, I’ll try to have it fixed.

      Look, the work is what matters, the work of editors & writers mostly trying to do their best. Read the books — for one, the novel (note, *novel,* a work of imagination) MICHAEL MARTONE BY MICHAEL MARTONE. The rest of this, fretting over small matters of tact, is a waste.

      Stop fussing & concentrate on the words, sentences, stories.

  187. Nicolle Elizabeth

      i blew king kongs wife and all i got was this stupid t-shirt

  188. Nicolle Elizabeth

      i blew king kongs wife and all i got was this stupid t-shirt