Mean
People Blurbed HTMLGIANT
I’ve tried to collect from the internet as many ‘blurbs’ as possible over the course of this past year, and I’d like to share a few of them with you here to celebrate our having survived twelve months of being the internet literature magazine blog of the future. The blurbs are real, in that I copied and pasted them from comments and other websites, but I have dropped the names of the blurbers in order to protect the innocent. So, thanks for reading us, hating us, loving us, shittalking us, and supporting us.
“Exactly equivalent to writing on a bathroom wall, and shame on you. Talk about ‘slime balls.’ Slime ball indeed.”
~ Richard Bausch“I’ve come to realize that HTMLGIANT contributors are, in large part, idiots.”
~ Jerzy Kosinski“I think HTMLGIANT is still trying to find their voice. They seem to teeter between adolescent posturing and intelligent discussion.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
“I’m ever amazed & occasionally entertained (though not this time) by the inventiveness found in the blogosphere–not to mention how much time the environment steals from the writing of actual poems.”
~ Tao Lin“I’m sick of their arrogant, narcissistic ways. Sure, their narcissim makes for entertaining blog posts, but it will all wear thin sooner or later. It’s kinda like getting to eavesdrop on what’s going on at the cool kid’s lunch table…”
~ Andy Milonakis“i think though the postivity is there [at HTMLGIANT], it’s just buried under the negativity, and the dramas getting re-hashed and re-hashed and there’s no accountability.”
~ Tony Kushner“I don’t get it either. It seems very Warhol-esk, you know, create your own scene…even if it sucks. Make a tight circle of friends, and generate a buzz. It seems to be more about “pop culture” and self-promotion than about poetry. I can wait them out…”
~ Valerie Solanas“I was so unmotivated by their bullshit.”
~ Stephen Covey“I hate this place.”
~ Satan“I like your work. I hate you as poeple. You’re all insecure and bitter and whiny. Everyone that posts on HTMLGIANT. Everyone that posts in the comment section. I want to punch each and everyone of you in the mouth.”
~ Mike Tyson“I think I’m done with this shit. Some of y’all have interesting posts, but that’s outweighed by the dumb shit. It’s not even inspired stupidity.”
~ Rip Torn“you people have showed you’re totally immature and not to be taken seriously.”
~ James Frey“clean up your frat house, boys. I know you expect black women to do it for you but it ain’t 1955 Ohio anymore.”
~ Toni Morrison“basically a white supremacist site.”
~ Pat Buchanan“Do you actually expect normal people to read this?”
~ Jeffrey Dahmer“people can go elsewhere for consideration of adult literature.”
~ Sasha Grey“what happened to htmlgiant?”
~ Douglas Coupland“i only check it to see if a featured writer has left/been given the boot since there is not notification.”
~ Paula Abdul“just typed htmlgiant.com into the address bar, pressed enter and then deleted the tab immediately before seeing anything”
~ Steve Jobs’s old kidney“Is HTMLGIANT quite a long while behind the rest of the world?”
~ Eddie Murphy“your idea of criticism is like the jerky Republican congressman who said “You lie!” to our Commander in Chief last night. To continue with the analogy to the Grand Old Party – not that most of you will understand the references: if McSweeney’s was Teddy Roosevelt and Robert LaFollette, and n+1 Richard Nixon and William F. Buckley. . . HTML Giant is Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck.”
~ Sarah Palin, author of the new memoir from Harper Collins, Going Rogue, out in bookstores this November“upper-middle class white guys with coddled lives talking about meaningless bullshit and making a joke out of it because life is so easy and time only exists to mock things including existential despair.”
~ John Updike“I used to think you were cool. Enough of this petty shit. Now I want to bash your face in.”
~ Mike Tyson again“Ummmm….Many of the “humor” posts are really douchey and childish. Sorry, they are.”
~ William S. Burroughs“not enough boobs.”
~ Barack Obama“After reading through several posts from HTMLGIANT, I have to wonder if the small press community has always been so negative.”
~ Bo Jackson“Personally using outlook with a boat full of rules seems to keep most of my email problems in order. Oh, and fuck HTMLGIANT.”
~ Richard Dawkins“You all suck and you are so immature and you writing makes me sick !!!!!!!!!”
~ Richard Dawkins“just irrelevant, like John McCain.”
~ Jim Carrey
Tags: richard dawkins, sarah palin
I’m pretty sure this actually is 1955 Ohio. I just took Governor Lausche’s daughter to a showing of “The Night of the Hunter” last night, after which we spooned at the malt shop.
I’m pretty sure this actually is 1955 Ohio. I just took Governor Lausche’s daughter to a showing of “The Night of the Hunter” last night, after which we spooned at the malt shop.
thought the ‘not enough boobs’ blurb was insightful, seriously.
dude fuck jim carrey.
thought the ‘not enough boobs’ blurb was insightful, seriously.
dude fuck jim carrey.
not enough dicks
not enough dicks
haha for a minute, i actually thought oprah said something about htmlgiant. :)
haha for a minute, i actually thought oprah said something about htmlgiant. :)
good job with the fictional people, i eag’d 3 – 4 times.
eag is “emit a guffaw,” the new lol
good job with the fictional people, i eag’d 3 – 4 times.
eag is “emit a guffaw,” the new lol
did you know andrew bird invented “eag”
boobs are good.
did you know andrew bird invented “eag”
boobs are good.
Tony Kushner’s right, ‘the dramas getting re-hashed and re-hashed and there’s no accountability.” You should elect a board, like other internet fora, so we can depose some people.
Tony Kushner’s right, ‘the dramas getting re-hashed and re-hashed and there’s no accountability.” You should elect a board, like other internet fora, so we can depose some people.
Next have all these pieces of IKEA furniture blurbing about the GIANT followed by ANOTHER post about Tao Lin!
Next have all these pieces of IKEA furniture blurbing about the GIANT followed by ANOTHER post about Tao Lin!
“A sorority house”– Dan Rather
“A sorority house”– Dan Rather
If these are all pulled off our comments threads and other public boards, why bother dropping the names? won’t googling for any of these quotes give me the originals in context? (Answer: yes.)
If these are all pulled off our comments threads and other public boards, why bother dropping the names? won’t googling for any of these quotes give me the originals in context? (Answer: yes.)
Great post though. I just don’t understand who you’re protecting. All the trolls used fake names in the first place, and everyone else presumably stands by what s/he said.
Great post though. I just don’t understand who you’re protecting. All the trolls used fake names in the first place, and everyone else presumably stands by what s/he said.
Are there any nice ones that you kept track of?
Are there any nice ones that you kept track of?
actually, i have no idea. i didnt really think it through to be honest. i just kept a file of funny comments. if you google them, you can find em for sure.
actually, i have no idea. i didnt really think it through to be honest. i just kept a file of funny comments. if you google them, you can find em for sure.
i didnt think about keeping nice ones. maybe ill do that for next year
i didnt think about keeping nice ones. maybe ill do that for next year
i’m pretty proud of this list, thanks ryan
i’m pretty proud of this list, thanks ryan
every time i post here now i countdown to how quickly someone will tell me i’m wrong or dumb or ugly, it’s my favorite part of the site
every time i post here now i countdown to how quickly someone will tell me i’m wrong or dumb or ugly, it’s my favorite part of the site
palin, heh
wonder what happened to that anonymous, the “captain”
palin, heh
wonder what happened to that anonymous, the “captain”
he might be on a trip? its sometimes hard to get in touch with my dad when he’s flying.
he might be on a trip? its sometimes hard to get in touch with my dad when he’s flying.
haha
haha
Funny…
How did I become William Burroughs? I’m Rip Torn too?
The Burroughs one was inspired. The Rip Torn one was just douchey and childish.
Funny…
How did I become William Burroughs? I’m Rip Torn too?
The Burroughs one was inspired. The Rip Torn one was just douchey and childish.
the covey one elicited an eag
the covey one elicited an eag
hysterical
hysterical
Shut up, idiot.
Really just kidding, tho. I LOVE YOU BLAKE DON’T SQUEEZE ME.
Shut up, idiot.
Really just kidding, tho. I LOVE YOU BLAKE DON’T SQUEEZE ME.
This website is actually getting a lot better. Some of the better posters are posting more and even some of the douchebags have stepped up their game (or no longer post). Some of them I’m willing to say are not even douchebags anymore. Lately there have been some good discussions, like the one on Brandi Wells’s Instructional. Maybe it could be a cool feature if we discussed a story from the independent lit community every once in a while. Just a thought.
I’ve been enjoying posts by Blake Butler (previously I didn’t)
Ryan Call
Matthew Simmons
Roxane Gay
and there are a couple of others….
The humor has had a lot more maturity lately. Adding Roxane Gay was a great move. All we need now is the return of the best htmlgiant contributor of all time, PR (or a decent explanation of where she went).
This website is actually getting a lot better. Some of the better posters are posting more and even some of the douchebags have stepped up their game (or no longer post). Some of them I’m willing to say are not even douchebags anymore. Lately there have been some good discussions, like the one on Brandi Wells’s Instructional. Maybe it could be a cool feature if we discussed a story from the independent lit community every once in a while. Just a thought.
I’ve been enjoying posts by Blake Butler (previously I didn’t)
Ryan Call
Matthew Simmons
Roxane Gay
and there are a couple of others….
The humor has had a lot more maturity lately. Adding Roxane Gay was a great move. All we need now is the return of the best htmlgiant contributor of all time, PR (or a decent explanation of where she went).
Oh yeah and Michael Schaub.
And Blake’s book is pretty good so far.
You can use that as a blurb,
“Blake’s book is pretty good so far.”
—Mick Jagger
Oh yeah and Michael Schaub.
And Blake’s book is pretty good so far.
You can use that as a blurb,
“Blake’s book is pretty good so far.”
—Mick Jagger