October 26th, 2010 / 10:28 pm
 Mean & Random

6 beer rules for writers i have known or been (with subtext)

1. if someone buys you a beer at a bar, buy them a beer soon-or-later (you slaw-cheeks fuck)

2. when you drop/dwell by my house and bring a 12 pack and then you have 1/or maybe 2 beer remainder in the 12 pack don’t take the 1/or maybe 2 beer remainder with you, leave it as a thank you (you lint-shuffler fuck)

3. why are you yipping about your own book while drunk/loose-lipped at a bar? (you cloud-hound fuck)

4. you didn’t tip the bartender?! whoa. we all noticed (you smart phone blue-haze fuck)

5. you may have visited my town, i might have even asked and glowed and paid you to visit, but that does not make me your babysitter (you donut-slusher/late night bailout caller fuck)

6. that is all, maybe (tonight)

6 Comments

  1. October 27th, 2010 / 6:08 am phmadore—

      7. If it is your birthday, the drinks are on me, you Mel Bosworth Park Ranger fuck.8. If you are living on a credit card and I have done nothing but talk about how hot your girlfriend is, the drinks are clearly on me, you Spencer Dew Business Suit fuck.9. If I bring the most expensive whiskey at the liquor store, that means you should pour shots for me and encourage me to drink them, you same-pants-wearing-for-life Easter Rabbit-ting Baltimorean fuck.

  2. October 27th, 2010 / 2:48 am Vladmir—

      fuck it. i’m taking the 1 or 2 beers left over and your bottle of whisky, too.

  3. October 27th, 2010 / 3:21 am deadgod—

      1. bribes are over-leveraged speculations, not trades. you want to buy ‘friendship’? – buy a dog a bone.

      2. drink the dregs on your kitchen table, parasite.

      3. feed that spot on your liver in your barcalounger if you can’t stand being reminded of how far back you are in the talent line.

      4. spend your own money, flies-on-your-face-baby.

      5. so you’ll quit begging to be ‘wing-man’ then?

      6. drink your drink, drunk.

  4. October 27th, 2010 / 6:08 am P. H. Madore—

      7. If it is your birthday, the drinks are on me, you Mel Bosworth Park Ranger fuck.

      8. If you are living on a credit card and I have done nothing but talk about how hot your girlfriend is, the drinks are clearly on me, you Spencer Dew Business Suit fuck.

      9. If I bring the most expensive whiskey at the liquor store, that means you should pour shots for me and encourage me to drink them, you same-pants-wearing-for-life Easter Rabbit-ting Baltimorean fuck.

  5. October 27th, 2010 / 11:21 am Sean—

      These make sense

      bill of rights

  6. October 27th, 2010 / 2:40 pm Richard—

      hilarious…great stuff, Sean, et al