Random
Toilet Reading
Do you read on the toilet? If so, what kinds of books do you read on the toilet? Is there a set of criteria that you have in mind when selecting a book to read on the toilet? Do you sometimes stand at your bookshelf and stare at your books and struggle to select just the right book to read on the toilet? Does it take so much time that you sometimes risk having an accident right there in front of your bookshelf? Or do you keep a book next to the toilet to avoid such confusion? When on the toilet, do you read a new book or a book you’ve already read? If you do read on the toilet, what was the last book you read on the toilet? Or do you already have a list of books to read on the toilet? Do you ever read a book on the toilet and think ‘haha, I’m reading on the toilet’? Have you ever been reading a book on the toilet and not stood up from the toilet after you were finished because you got so into the book that you couldn’t stop reading on the toilet? Is it possible that there exists out there a perfect book to read on the toilet?
Tags: toilet
The guidelines for reading on the toilet are the same for reading on the net. 1,000 words or less.
The guidelines for reading on the toilet are the same for reading on the net. 1,000 words or less.
I read Bob Dylan’s Tarantula on the terlet, and The Story of The Eye, and I kept a copy of Finnegan’s Wake in there for a while telling myself that if I read one page every time I took the Browns to the Super Bowl I may someday finish it… didn’t happen.
I read Bob Dylan’s Tarantula on the terlet, and The Story of The Eye, and I kept a copy of Finnegan’s Wake in there for a while telling myself that if I read one page every time I took the Browns to the Super Bowl I may someday finish it… didn’t happen.
I used to keep my copy of Laura Palmer’s Secret Diary on the toilet (written by Jessica Lynch, David Lynch’s daughter). Didn’t ever get through much of it (it’s not actually very good), but always felt supremely cool, having it there on (semi)public display.
I used to keep my copy of Laura Palmer’s Secret Diary on the toilet (written by Jessica Lynch, David Lynch’s daughter). Didn’t ever get through much of it (it’s not actually very good), but always felt supremely cool, having it there on (semi)public display.
the night i met my wife i told her i wrote stories and she asked how long and i said often under 1000 words and she said “oh, toilet reading” and i thought well she is the one.
the night i met my wife i told her i wrote stories and she asked how long and i said often under 1000 words and she said “oh, toilet reading” and i thought well she is the one.
i have the BASS 1992 and often read the contrib notes, particularly DFW’s about not really liking the story he picked. i generally read things i’ve already read on the toilet. maybe the comfort of it? i have read the things they carried quite a bit on there, particularly the final story and final image of skating.
i have the BASS 1992 and often read the contrib notes, particularly DFW’s about not really liking the story he picked. i generally read things i’ve already read on the toilet. maybe the comfort of it? i have read the things they carried quite a bit on there, particularly the final story and final image of skating.
isnt 1k too long for one sitting? i mean, obviously depends on your ‘poop time’ and whether or not you’re relaxing after the business…but yeah, i think i read muhc less than 1k on the toilet.
I live with a woman now and she will not allow a book or magazine to remain in the bathroom for more than an hour or two before she throws it back into “my” room. A lot of women don’t even want to admit they shit at all, there’s no way they’re going to make a production out of it. I don’t even think about going for a shit without grabbing a journal. Always poetry. Good poetry is like a complete evacuation: it hardly ever happens.
that is cute
isnt 1k too long for one sitting? i mean, obviously depends on your ‘poop time’ and whether or not you’re relaxing after the business…but yeah, i think i read muhc less than 1k on the toilet.
I live with a woman now and she will not allow a book or magazine to remain in the bathroom for more than an hour or two before she throws it back into “my” room. A lot of women don’t even want to admit they shit at all, there’s no way they’re going to make a production out of it. I don’t even think about going for a shit without grabbing a journal. Always poetry. Good poetry is like a complete evacuation: it hardly ever happens.
that is cute
Well I’m getting old. I’ll be forty in a month.
Well I’m getting old. I’ll be forty in a month.
maybe i need to get a comfy toilet seat?
maybe i need to get a comfy toilet seat?
yeah, i do not have books by the toilet, i have to carry them into the bathroom with me. instead, my wife has like, a candle in there or something pretty so no place to put books.
i laughed at your last sentence.
yeah, i do not have books by the toilet, i have to carry them into the bathroom with me. instead, my wife has like, a candle in there or something pretty so no place to put books.
i laughed at your last sentence.
This post — love it.
I only read books I’ve read before. (White Noise was the exception. Couldn’t put that fucker down). I prefer magazines or screenplays or literary journals. Or books of mass information like dictionaries or psychological compendiums. Novels or books of poetry… dunno. The shit doesn’t mix.
Last thing I read on the John Hancock was APS 2007 #3. Before that I kept two screenplays in there. Pulp Fiction & Michael Clayton. Also, I kept an old Black Warrior Review there (2006?).
Most times I’ll sit there after I’m done pulling the chain and read on. This is due to two factors: 1) The book is usually so good I stay in it 2) Once you think you’re done dialing the colon gremlin, you’re not, so you might as well hang around and read some great text.
I can’t wait until I’m done with class….
This post — love it.
I only read books I’ve read before. (White Noise was the exception. Couldn’t put that fucker down). I prefer magazines or screenplays or literary journals. Or books of mass information like dictionaries or psychological compendiums. Novels or books of poetry… dunno. The shit doesn’t mix.
Last thing I read on the John Hancock was APS 2007 #3. Before that I kept two screenplays in there. Pulp Fiction & Michael Clayton. Also, I kept an old Black Warrior Review there (2006?).
Most times I’ll sit there after I’m done pulling the chain and read on. This is due to two factors: 1) The book is usually so good I stay in it 2) Once you think you’re done dialing the colon gremlin, you’re not, so you might as well hang around and read some great text.
I can’t wait until I’m done with class….
oooooh, dictioanies. that is agood idea
i just read whatever it is i’m reading when i feel the need to shit. if this is a novel, i could end up in the bathroom for over an hour. i live by myself, so it really isn’t so different from reading on my couch.
oooooh, dictioanies. that is agood idea
i just read whatever it is i’m reading when i feel the need to shit. if this is a novel, i could end up in the bathroom for over an hour. i live by myself, so it really isn’t so different from reading on my couch.
Problem is (and this is gross) if you sit there too long without wiping it will dry.
readers of the sports guy on espn.com have a running joke about printing out his mailbag columns and reading them on their work toilet. i’ve done it a few times. good stuff. very relaxing and funny and, well, helpful.
Problem is (and this is gross) if you sit there too long without wiping it will dry.
readers of the sports guy on espn.com have a running joke about printing out his mailbag columns and reading them on their work toilet. i’ve done it a few times. good stuff. very relaxing and funny and, well, helpful.
exact5ly. and if you do wipe, do you wash hands before reading more? no, because that would mean standing up.
exact5ly. and if you do wipe, do you wash hands before reading more? no, because that would mean standing up.
BASS is great for the toilet. I think in fact 92 has done some bathroom duty.
BASS is great for the toilet. I think in fact 92 has done some bathroom duty.
which is why my girlfriend usually uses yellow gloves or tongs when moving my journals from bathroom to “my” room…
which is why my girlfriend usually uses yellow gloves or tongs when moving my journals from bathroom to “my” room…
There’s a great essay called “Reading in the Toilet” by Henry Miller where he argues powerfully that no reading should be done there. Instead, reading is an elevating experience, one that is outside our everyday reality or something, and we would do better to pray and thank God for the ability to shit in the first place.
I take whatever I’m reading at the moment too. Head in there and have at it. Could be anything really. I just don’t sit there too long. Once I’m done I might sit for another five. But it’s proven its actually not good to be sitting like that for a while. (Hemorrhoids)
There’s a great essay called “Reading in the Toilet” by Henry Miller where he argues powerfully that no reading should be done there. Instead, reading is an elevating experience, one that is outside our everyday reality or something, and we would do better to pray and thank God for the ability to shit in the first place.
I take whatever I’m reading at the moment too. Head in there and have at it. Could be anything really. I just don’t sit there too long. Once I’m done I might sit for another five. But it’s proven its actually not good to be sitting like that for a while. (Hemorrhoids)
I’ve tried this before since so many people are into it and I don’t get it. Do you guys have horrible bowel problems that make you take half an hour shits? Otherwise, what ist he point of reading half a page before you gotta go? Or do you just sit around on an uncomfortable low toilet seat reading instead of walking to a room with a comfortable chair? What is the appeal here?
I read that too. He also argues that no reading should be done while eating. I understand what he is saying, but he is a purist. I love to read while I’m eating.
I’ve tried this before since so many people are into it and I don’t get it. Do you guys have horrible bowel problems that make you take half an hour shits? Otherwise, what ist he point of reading half a page before you gotta go? Or do you just sit around on an uncomfortable low toilet seat reading instead of walking to a room with a comfortable chair? What is the appeal here?
I read that too. He also argues that no reading should be done while eating. I understand what he is saying, but he is a purist. I love to read while I’m eating.
Spoken from a guy whose shit don’t stink…
Spoken from a guy whose shit don’t stink…
It stinks, that’s why I don’t want the smell all over my books!
It stinks, that’s why I don’t want the smell all over my books!
Indeed, I was joking around with the unwashed masses. I agree with you.
Indeed, I was joking around with the unwashed masses. I agree with you.
My legs will also fall asleep if I sit on the toilet too long so maybe it is my circulation problems preventing me from getting into this.
My legs will also fall asleep if I sit on the toilet too long so maybe it is my circulation problems preventing me from getting into this.
Well, the stink will not actually cling to your books for more than a few seconds…
Well, the stink will not actually cling to your books for more than a few seconds…
The 1977-78 NBA Complete Review.
The 1980 Guinness Book of World Records.
Icons.
Reader’s Block.
Bloomsbury’s Guide to Apocalypse Now.
Remote.
Ava.
That is a big detail that would limit your enjoyment of the process, yes…
it has gotten to the point where if i am eating by myself (virtually all of my meals) I need to be either reading or watching something or i actually get bored
I’m a big guy. I eat a lot. Sometimes healthy, sometimes not. If I feel as if this will be a big one, I’ll grab my favorite cohorts and we’ll have a business meeting. But this type of squat and read behavior isn’t an always thing.
The 1977-78 NBA Complete Review.
The 1980 Guinness Book of World Records.
Icons.
Reader’s Block.
Bloomsbury’s Guide to Apocalypse Now.
Remote.
Ava.
That is a big detail that would limit your enjoyment of the process, yes…
it has gotten to the point where if i am eating by myself (virtually all of my meals) I need to be either reading or watching something or i actually get bored
I’m a big guy. I eat a lot. Sometimes healthy, sometimes not. If I feel as if this will be a big one, I’ll grab my favorite cohorts and we’ll have a business meeting. But this type of squat and read behavior isn’t an always thing.
indeed, ’92 holds a special place on my bookshelf….was the first BASS i ever bought.
one of the reasons i love this place is to read great shit via links. i just read your elimae piece from 08. well done, well done. that story builds perfectly and is brutal and funny and just so right at the end.
indeed, ’92 holds a special place on my bookshelf….was the first BASS i ever bought.
one of the reasons i love this place is to read great shit via links. i just read your elimae piece from 08. well done, well done. that story builds perfectly and is brutal and funny and just so right at the end.
Why are there no comments by ladies on this post? I must the only female who craps. I read the New Yorker on the toilet. I don’t like to leave books in the bathroom because they get saturated with toilet and dirty shower water..
Why are there no comments by ladies on this post? I must the only female who craps. I read the New Yorker on the toilet. I don’t like to leave books in the bathroom because they get saturated with toilet and dirty shower water..
indeed, i read a lot of the New Yorker on the can. I used to think up cartoon captions but found it too distracting.
indeed, i read a lot of the New Yorker on the can. I used to think up cartoon captions but found it too distracting.
I have a feeling my girlfriend reads on the toilet too, but to actually catch her at it is akin to grabbing a shadow…
I have a feeling my girlfriend reads on the toilet too, but to actually catch her at it is akin to grabbing a shadow…
From what I know of women they don’t crap as part of a ritualistic (regular) experience…I have shit every morning of my life for 39 years…I have had many girlfriends who don’t shit every day…what truly horrible lives they must lead…
Thanks, man! I’ve discovered lots of amazing stuff here by clicking on people’s names, too. The elimae story is a fragment from something much longer that I eventually finished and which now lives in Lamination Colony.
I have a strong affection for the BASS series. My undergrad library had a complete set, and my first couple years there much of my personal reading time was taken up with BASS, starting with, I think, 78 when they introduced the new guest editor format. 1992 was really good — I recall the Carver and Ford volumes also being very strong, though those volumes might have stuck in my mind because they’re such marquee names.
That DFW story in 92, Forever Overhead, is so amazing. Just reread it recently. The last few pages, every single sentence is shamingly wonderful.
It depends, but right now a Game Informer magazine from 2004 has been resting comfortably for a few weeks.
From what I know of women they don’t crap as part of a ritualistic (regular) experience…I have shit every morning of my life for 39 years…I have had many girlfriends who don’t shit every day…what truly horrible lives they must lead…
Thanks, man! I’ve discovered lots of amazing stuff here by clicking on people’s names, too. The elimae story is a fragment from something much longer that I eventually finished and which now lives in Lamination Colony.
I have a strong affection for the BASS series. My undergrad library had a complete set, and my first couple years there much of my personal reading time was taken up with BASS, starting with, I think, 78 when they introduced the new guest editor format. 1992 was really good — I recall the Carver and Ford volumes also being very strong, though those volumes might have stuck in my mind because they’re such marquee names.
That DFW story in 92, Forever Overhead, is so amazing. Just reread it recently. The last few pages, every single sentence is shamingly wonderful.
It depends, but right now a Game Informer magazine from 2004 has been resting comfortably for a few weeks.
you’re kind of awesome.
you’re kind of awesome.
no my legs do the same thing. i think it has to do with the donutseat
no my legs do the same thing. i think it has to do with the donutseat
I was just thinking the very same thing Rebekah! I read Time and The New Yorker in the bathroom. I’m still reading issues from April 2009. I’m so far behind, it’s terrifying.
I was just thinking the very same thing Rebekah! I read Time and The New Yorker in the bathroom. I’m still reading issues from April 2009. I’m so far behind, it’s terrifying.
Girls don’t take big greasy dumps that leave skid marks on the back of the toilet. They don’t fill the room with the scent of meat and beans. At least most girls don’t. My wife does, though. She likes to read magazines. Parents, Domino, Dwell.
Girls don’t take big greasy dumps that leave skid marks on the back of the toilet. They don’t fill the room with the scent of meat and beans. At least most girls don’t. My wife does, though. She likes to read magazines. Parents, Domino, Dwell.
I’m a lady who craps. Here’s what my bathroom usually looks like (the book selection rotates–I’m less into Star Trek books these days): http://www.flickr.com/photos/whoasweetjane/2809970762
I’m a lady who craps. Here’s what my bathroom usually looks like (the book selection rotates–I’m less into Star Trek books these days): http://www.flickr.com/photos/whoasweetjane/2809970762
My husband is the girlfriend in my relationship, I guess. He thinks it’s funny that I crap twice a day, morning and night. He goes once every other or so.
His loss, I say.
My husband is the girlfriend in my relationship, I guess. He thinks it’s funny that I crap twice a day, morning and night. He goes once every other or so.
His loss, I say.
Twice a day? That’s hard to believe…but enviable…
Twice a day? That’s hard to believe…but enviable…
That is such a chick bathroom…nice though…
That is such a chick bathroom…nice though…
Did the Book of Goddesses and Heroines clue you in?
Did the Book of Goddesses and Heroines clue you in?
I eat lots of veggies.
I eat lots of veggies.
Me too, but not bored I get sad.
Me too, but not bored I get sad.
It’s just so nicely and colorfully disarranged.
It’s just so nicely and colorfully disarranged.
Glad she’s yours not mine.
Glad she’s yours not mine.
Well, shit, if you’re trying to read while you’re eating and someone else is there, they just get in the way. And then they think you’re rude.
Well, shit, if you’re trying to read while you’re eating and someone else is there, they just get in the way. And then they think you’re rude.
Your bathroom floors are just gorgeous. Ugh. I have a carpeted bathroom and it is one of the more depressing things I must face each morning.
Your bathroom floors are just gorgeous. Ugh. I have a carpeted bathroom and it is one of the more depressing things I must face each morning.
mac
mac
Ugh, really? They’re my least favorite part of my apartment–the rest has nice polished hardwood. The bathroom has hardwood painted the color of nice, polished hardwood.
But there is something about the idea of a carpeted bathroom that’s just icky!
Ugh, really? They’re my least favorite part of my apartment–the rest has nice polished hardwood. The bathroom has hardwood painted the color of nice, polished hardwood.
But there is something about the idea of a carpeted bathroom that’s just icky!
I read Harper’s and Cosmo on the toilet, and as a girl, I have the capabilities to read while going number 2 and number 1. Which is awesome.
I read Harper’s and Cosmo on the toilet, and as a girl, I have the capabilities to read while going number 2 and number 1. Which is awesome.
Caiti, that is awesome. And I don’t use that word very much.
Caiti, that is awesome. And I don’t use that word very much.
its weird how the women of this post are continously topping whatever us fellas have to say about the matter….
its weird how the women of this post are continously topping whatever us fellas have to say about the matter….
you make me happy, ryan call.
you make me happy, ryan call.
Henry Miller wrote a good long essay on reading on the toilet. I read it on the toilet.
Henry Miller wrote a good long essay on reading on the toilet. I read it on the toilet.
Oh shit. You guys already got that one. Shit. Um. Well, The Recognitions was good too, esp. the part about Recktall Brown… That’s not a one sitting deal, tho.
Oh shit. You guys already got that one. Shit. Um. Well, The Recognitions was good too, esp. the part about Recktall Brown… That’s not a one sitting deal, tho.
I read the book of Chuck Norris Facts over and over again.
I read the book of Chuck Norris Facts over and over again.
A carpeted bathroom is a real nightmare and it grosses me out, and I’m a real spaz about gentleman companions aiming for the actual bowl, and so at this point anything is an improvement.
A carpeted bathroom is a real nightmare and it grosses me out, and I’m a real spaz about gentleman companions aiming for the actual bowl, and so at this point anything is an improvement.
[…] HTML Giant – Toilet Reading […]
Roxane, you need to catch up! I’ve got to say, there’s really not a lot better than reading the New Yorker’s food issue while evacuating one’s bowels.
Roxane, you need to catch up! I’ve got to say, there’s really not a lot better than reading the New Yorker’s food issue while evacuating one’s bowels.
It’s awesome. And I use that word all the time.
It’s awesome. And I use that word all the time.
[…] morning I was reading Wallace Stegner’s novel Crossing to Safety (in the bathtub, for those who track this kind of thing), and was struck by a chapter about a dinner party of some young English […]
sometimes it is the only private place i can find – wife and six year old twins, you know
Wired, Entertainment Weekly (I know, I know), Esquire, Playboy – anything you can read in short sections. I’ve rarely put an actual novel on the back of the toilet, unless it has really short chapters.
sometimes it is the only private place i can find – wife and six year old twins, you know
Wired, Entertainment Weekly (I know, I know), Esquire, Playboy – anything you can read in short sections. I’ve rarely put an actual novel on the back of the toilet, unless it has really short chapters.
i don’t read on the toilet; i shit pretty fast
i don’t read on the toilet; i shit pretty fast
The morning newspaper. Typically the sports section, unless there isn’t a single article about baseball. Then I take the comics in instead.
The morning newspaper. Typically the sports section, unless there isn’t a single article about baseball. Then I take the comics in instead.
I always read book when I’m in Toilet seat
My friend Patrick Goes only has time to read when he’s on the toilet. He takes laxatives to be able to read longer. I’m afraid he might become a laxative-junkie. Should I be worried?