Begging for It

by Alex Dimitrov

Four Way Books, April 2013

96 pages / $15.95 Order from Four Way Books

 

 

 

1. I think fantasy is going to kill me and that is ok.

2. I want to fuck a beautiful thing and not get attached.

3. I want to be a twink getting fucked by a twink and the twink I am getting fucked by should be me.

4. Twinks can also get attached.

5. “Before I leave here, I want / to hear my name change in the mouth / of another animal.”

6. Sometimes I wish a boy was a dog so that being in unrequited love w/ the fantasy I create around him would be spiritual and not just a voracious attempt to fill a hole, which I know better than to try and fill with flesh, or worse yet, flesh coated in a fantasy to which the flesh will not conform.

7. At least then I would be feeding a dog.

8. Feeding a dog is spiritual.

9. Getting fucked in the heart is spiritual.

10. It is dangerous to get fucked in the heart, especially if you don’t let the fucker know he is fucking your heart.

11. This kind of omission serves to trick a fucker, who doesn’t want any hearts involved, into fucking your heart and/or tricks you into believing that your heart won’t get fucked.

12. Sometimes you genuinely don’t know you are getting fucked in the heart til it’s over.

13. Another thing that is spiritual is when a poet doesn’t try to bullshit you with language.

14. Alex Dimitrov doesn’t try to bullshit you with language.

15. Alex Dimitrov meets a conceptual poem in the street, takes it home, impales it on a cross covered in Sylvia Plath’s Daddy’s chest hair and says: Let me introduce you to your heart.

16. This review is not about Alex Dimitrov.

17. I prefer when a poet doesn’t kill someone textually in a poem.

18. I prefer when a poet kills someone actually in a poem.

19. “Let’s talk about language while people die.”

20. “Don’t worry. No one is spared.”

21. Poetry redeems our mistakes.

22. Poetry totally doesn’t redeem our mistakes but it makes them something else.

23. “We were given more than we can drown.”

24. “Let the blood wet the ashes, / let the semen wet the mouth.”

25. The one who is loved the most by a person who has fucked many is extra lucky.

26. The one who is loved the most by a person who has fucked many is in possession of a magick body.

27. If you read romance novels or have a female spirit or if you are alive then you know this.

28. “I want what isn’t mine // and what will not last.”

29. I want what doesn’t exist.

30. It is the tension between what exists and what I want that will kill me.

31. It is the tension between what exists and what I want that makes poetry.

32. “There is a second rib I can never adjust in me / a second heart swims up my throat.”

33. I don’t want to only get to live in one body.

34. I don’t want to live in any body.

35. I will repeat this until I no longer have a body.

36. Then I will miss it.

37. “Why do the teeth survive the body?”

38. Being a person who never existed and now the hole is getting bigger.

39. “Every time I have sex I am leaving the town / I was born in for good.”

40. I don’t think I have ever had sex.