“Why do they apply. This to that.” – Gertrude Stein

I think it’s fascinating that a statement followed by a question mark asks a question of itself? Don’t you? Would you rather be considered a concept or a theory? Under what circumstances would you walk the dog? Do you yo-yo much? What, in your opinion, is the essential difference between a word and its thing? Do you feel a word can be more interesting than the thing it represents? Less than? Does the term ‘paradox of the heap’ mean anything to you? What terms do you use when talking about music? About literature? Would it be fair to say these terms are borrowed from the critical discourse surrounding these respective forms of media? Would that not be a fair thing to say because this appropriation has been more or less subconscious? Is your culture popular? If not, do you believe in a ‘popular culture’? If so, who are its friends? Who benefits? What defines your culture? At what point does an onomatopoeia become the sound it signifies? When learning a new language, do new words signify new things, old things, or other words? What does that say about words? Is the term ‘figurative language’ not redundant? Just a little? Is this a book review?

Were you to describe an experience you experienced in such a way that anyone, regardless of their socioeconomic standings, gender, or any number of other contributing factors, in any time or place, even space, could fully experience the experience you experienced in exactly the way you experienced it and thus the way you wanted them to experience it, would you not be a god of sorts? Is that not something you’re into? Are ‘yes’ and ‘no’ the only correct responses to a ‘yes or no question’? Given the choice between living your life and reading your own memoir, which would you decline? In what way is truth related to honesty? Do you feel they are interchangeable? In your view, can deception lead to truth? If so, would the truth be tainted by the deception or would the deception be tainted by the truth? Is it possible to objectively ask a question concerning objectivity? Is objectivity a concept you subscribe to? If so, are you aware that the evidence contrary to your subscription is not only vast but damn near irrefutable? Do you know exactly what is meant by E=Mc2 and do you grasp its significance? Did you know that Albert Einstein was one of the early detractors to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle and that he referred to it as the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics? Does that strike you as haha? If so, and you are an attractive member of the feminine gender with a steady, high-paying job and a general interest in becoming a ‘patron of the arts,’ will you go on a date with me? Were I to say that I was only joking, what degree of truth would you place on that? When Michel Foucault declared that truth was not a constant but an ever-evolving construct related to and reliant upon systems of power to produce and sustain it, do you think he was getting a lot of ass? Isn’t everything, on some level, mutually exclusive?

Are you aware that the saying ‘Speak Truth to Power’ originates with the Quakers? Is the irony of that lost on you? If it is, do you find my question insulting or stimulating? Are you now motivated to learn more about the Quakers or do you want to punch me in the quads? Qu’est qui se passe? Why is it the word iconoclast sounds so cool? Do you believe there is but one kind of intelligence? Has it ever occurred to you that cats are not fully domesticated? Have you ever seen someone walk a cat and did you find it as ridiculous as I did, which is to say did you find it ludicrous? Is ‘ludicrous’ really more absurd than ‘ridiculous’? Do we still agree on that? In the sense that the Law of Attraction is a ‘law,’ is a hot dog a canine? Under what circumstances would you drag a raw frankfurter around on a leash? Heads or tails? If a sentence does not follow the established rules of logic and syntax, is it meaningless? Does it lack meaning? Do you look at a painting and think what does it mean and why is it? For instance, if Gertrude Stein writes, ‘A sentence has colors where they mean I liked it as selling salt should be very little used in dishes,’ which she did, does that mean nothing? How could it since it means exactly what it says?

Have you read The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell? If so, do you think I am ripping him off, paying homage, paying parody, or has the idea of asking endless questions existed since the creation of language itself? Is there one true answer to that, and is my intention relevant? Is it not true that asking endless questions is the very foundation of literature? I’ve asked this before, but it’s an important question, is this a book review? If I say, ‘I enjoyed the book a whole lot, very much; it is very funny and does something I like a lot, but I don’t really know what it is that it does that I like a lot and maybe that is a little part of why I like it a lot,’ will that make it a book review? Or is that more of a blurb? Is there necessarily much of a difference between a blurb and a book review? Did you know the book is coming out in paperback this month? Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t know this until I had written most of these questions and decided to make them into a review? It’s true? Do you think it’s more likely that the first sentence spoken was a question or a statement? Written? Must the two, question and statement, always be paired in such a way, either explicitly or implicitly, and are they really so different? Is a spade a spade? Is a rose a rose a rose? How many licks does it take to get to the center of your heart? Do you believe in life after love? When you believed in Santa Claus, did you imagine him speaking Japanese?

If you could ask one question of god, would it be obvious or obscure? Would you want your question to be perceived as impressive? Is there not in every question a kind of implication? In other words, are you really answering all these questions? Why or why not? Is it possible the implication is more interesting than the question itself? Do you feel small? In the sense that all questions carry essentially the same tone, which could be extended to ‘tone of voice,’ do you subscribe to the belief that everyone writes in what could be thought of as ‘one tone’ and thus ‘one voice’ and that this voice is the very voice of god and thus all words are the ‘word of god’ and thus we are, all of us and everything, the ‘one true god’? Are you not into that? Does that not sound better than being a ‘loser’? Given the relative certainty of death, do you believe anyone is a ‘winner’? Are there more options? Are you upset that I am not giving you more options? Given no options, what would you do?

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  1. deadgod

      A. Deicide means adding nothing to a perfect vacuum.

  2. Ani Smith

      reynard seifert, will you marry me?

  3. Marian May Kaufman

      This was so much fun to read! Just got the day started off right.

  4. christopher.

      I didn’t know what paradox of the heap was until now. And, I just spent all morning reading about it and various paradoxes on Wiki.

      Thank you.

  5. mimi

      For me the question is not “Under what circumstances would you walk the dog?” but “Under what circumstances would the dog walk me?”


      If I could ask one question of god, I would ask “god, how did things get so complicated?”

  6. reynard seifert

      ani, this is my second htmlgiant comment section marriage proposal! i think i will say yes to the 100th entry on the condition that i not be expected to bring home any bacon.