November 9th, 2009 / 4:35 pm
Snippets
Snippets
Blake Butler—
Do you feel like there is a singular ‘best thing you’ve ever written’? What became of it? What happened to the thing that was ‘the best thing you’ve ever written’ before you wrote the current one? What do you do when you feel good about something you made?
I once wrote this thing we’ll call a poem. It was a culmination of emotional distress and family issues and not having written for months, all bursting. Best thing I had ever written, I felt. A real advancement for me, at that point, being so young. I showed it to people, which I rarely do. They liked it. That combined with me actually liking it got me excited. I believe it even aroused me sexually. That isn’t a joke. So I sent it off to Caveat Lector and it became the first poem I ever had published. I was so excited and for the first time in a long time I allowed myself to be happy. My mom bought me some goldfish crackers. I ate them in like 15 minutes. Even after the regular depression kept setting in, I would return to that poem to see if it held up, unlike the other 13 “best ever writtens” I encountered through my creative output, this one I still actually enjoyed. Then, a year or so ago, I began disliking it like I do my other writing about 20 seconds after I finish the final(ish) draft.
Under normal “best ever” circumstances, I begin hating the work and myself about a day or two after I finish writing it. I begin to dissect the work into “things about it I like” while wanting to vomit on the copypaper and burn it “as a whole”.
I once wrote this thing we’ll call a poem. It was a culmination of emotional distress and family issues and not having written for months, all bursting. Best thing I had ever written, I felt. A real advancement for me, at that point, being so young. I showed it to people, which I rarely do. They liked it. That combined with me actually liking it got me excited. I believe it even aroused me sexually. That isn’t a joke. So I sent it off to Caveat Lector and it became the first poem I ever had published. I was so excited and for the first time in a long time I allowed myself to be happy. My mom bought me some goldfish crackers. I ate them in like 15 minutes. Even after the regular depression kept setting in, I would return to that poem to see if it held up, unlike the other 13 “best ever writtens” I encountered through my creative output, this one I still actually enjoyed. Then, a year or so ago, I began disliking it like I do my other writing about 20 seconds after I finish the final(ish) draft.
Under normal “best ever” circumstances, I begin hating the work and myself about a day or two after I finish writing it. I begin to dissect the work into “things about it I like” while wanting to vomit on the copypaper and burn it “as a whole”.
eating a fuckton of goldfish crackers your mom gave you in elation is the best possible response to this question. seriously, thank you.
eating a fuckton of goldfish crackers your mom gave you in elation is the best possible response to this question. seriously, thank you.
the story i have in the upcoming agriculture reader i feel is the best thing i’ve ever written. i remember texting some of it to myself before i actually wrote it. it was the first print story i had accepted. after i got the acceptance email, i went to see the dirty projectors and magnolia electric co. for free. i went there and stood at the very front but eventually a picnic bench showed up (for a cameraman to stand on) and i sat on that. so i at once had a view from the front, and was sitting down. it was nice, because i have pretty bad scoliosis and can’t stand for long without getting tired and pained.
the story i have in the upcoming agriculture reader i feel is the best thing i’ve ever written. i remember texting some of it to myself before i actually wrote it. it was the first print story i had accepted. after i got the acceptance email, i went to see the dirty projectors and magnolia electric co. for free. i went there and stood at the very front but eventually a picnic bench showed up (for a cameraman to stand on) and i sat on that. so i at once had a view from the front, and was sitting down. it was nice, because i have pretty bad scoliosis and can’t stand for long without getting tired and pained.
I wrote a novella about alcoholism, self mutilation, sex and quetzalcoatl. I love it. Everything else I’ve written, I have hated within a month of finishing. That thing, though, still feels alive to me. I wish that I could write it again. I’m jealous of the me that wrote it – I am not that person any more, and the me that I am now could not have written it.
I wrote a novella about alcoholism, self mutilation, sex and quetzalcoatl. I love it. Everything else I’ve written, I have hated within a month of finishing. That thing, though, still feels alive to me. I wish that I could write it again. I’m jealous of the me that wrote it – I am not that person any more, and the me that I am now could not have written it.
I thought that the best thing I ever wrote was the first ten pages to my current manuscript. It was my personal victory. So painstakingly labored over. And everyone with whom I had worked to get it to that point, every beta reader I had said it was there. People who had stumbled upon it volunteered to read what came after it. I was into it.
And then I got to a different workshop, and ten people unanimously told me that my story started on page 11. That the writing in the first ten pages was nowhere near what came after it, and that my ten pages of awesome were really ten pages of not good enough. And then I had an existential “I clearly have no perspective on my own novel” crisis, which is currently still in full-force, and now I have no “best thing I’ve ever written.” But at least I’m looking forward to having something again, and hopefully I’ll feel confident enough about it to identify it as more than just my first chapter.
I thought that the best thing I ever wrote was the first ten pages to my current manuscript. It was my personal victory. So painstakingly labored over. And everyone with whom I had worked to get it to that point, every beta reader I had said it was there. People who had stumbled upon it volunteered to read what came after it. I was into it.
And then I got to a different workshop, and ten people unanimously told me that my story started on page 11. That the writing in the first ten pages was nowhere near what came after it, and that my ten pages of awesome were really ten pages of not good enough. And then I had an existential “I clearly have no perspective on my own novel” crisis, which is currently still in full-force, and now I have no “best thing I’ve ever written.” But at least I’m looking forward to having something again, and hopefully I’ll feel confident enough about it to identify it as more than just my first chapter.
These are the some of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read.
These are the some of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read.
me3, i like this
me3, i like this
every new thing i write, that i have the energy and attention and interest to continue writing and to write until completion, is, i think, in my mind, at that moment, the best thing i’ve ever written. which is fine and good until i compare it to the previous best thing i’ve ever written, and then compare it to the previous previous, and then the previous previous previous. and then i’ll pick up some person whose writing i really like, or stumble upon something really good somewhere, and i’ll compare those things to the best thing i’ve ever written too.
most of the time this is pretty frustrating. there’s a saying from somebody that goes “every line you write is up against shakespeare and dostoyevsky” or something. i’d like to add that every line you write is also up against you. which, if you think about it, means everything you write either sucks or did suck.
thankfully with a bit of time and perspective some of this anxiety seems to lessen, and i’ve learned either i like the stories and feel good about them or i don’t, and that “every story is something of a learning process slash experiment.” in the end all i really know is, this process happens to me constantly and is the only way i know how to write and self-edit slash self-evaluate.
i don’t reward myself shit because, if it’s any good, the writing itself is the reward.
but this also might be why i’m unhappy.
every new thing i write, that i have the energy and attention and interest to continue writing and to write until completion, is, i think, in my mind, at that moment, the best thing i’ve ever written. which is fine and good until i compare it to the previous best thing i’ve ever written, and then compare it to the previous previous, and then the previous previous previous. and then i’ll pick up some person whose writing i really like, or stumble upon something really good somewhere, and i’ll compare those things to the best thing i’ve ever written too.
most of the time this is pretty frustrating. there’s a saying from somebody that goes “every line you write is up against shakespeare and dostoyevsky” or something. i’d like to add that every line you write is also up against you. which, if you think about it, means everything you write either sucks or did suck.
thankfully with a bit of time and perspective some of this anxiety seems to lessen, and i’ve learned either i like the stories and feel good about them or i don’t, and that “every story is something of a learning process slash experiment.” in the end all i really know is, this process happens to me constantly and is the only way i know how to write and self-edit slash self-evaluate.
i don’t reward myself shit because, if it’s any good, the writing itself is the reward.
but this also might be why i’m unhappy.
Yes.
Yes.
wow…of all of my babies, and i’m focusing on my shorts, the novels are too much, too varied, and while they have sections that are strong, for this exercise…shorts
i have maybe four that i really love, stories that if i go back to them, i read them again and think, “this doesn’t suck” – no, make that three, that fourth one…still struggling with it – so here’s where my three babies, the three i LOVE are at this point in time
“transmogrify” is a contemporary vampire tale, that is part of an anthology slated to come out soon from living dead press entitled SHADOW KINDRED – they are all modern twists on the vampire lore, mine having to do with energivores or psionic vampires, creatures that feed on the misery of others – there are parts to this, the cemetery scene, the end of it, my attempt to honor huston’s THE DEAD, that i like a lot
“stillness” another one that i workshopped with craig clevenger, who told me “send it out” and was then rejected about ten times before landing at cemetery dance in their upcoming SHIVERS VI anthology, and i’m really excited about that – breaking through to a paying market and a 1% acceptance rate was a highlight for sure – they say we’ll have a big name or two in this, so…we’ll see, they often win Bram Stoker awards for this collection
“victimized” is my third baby, a 6800 word longer short that i really do love a lot, and it has been rejected 22 times to date – it just has to find the right home i think, this speculative thriller about a woman in the near future who has to step into a boxing ring to face her rapist, it’s a wild little ride, and i’m still optimistic about it, it’s still out to about 13 places
so, i share all of this for a couple of reasons – to show that if you love a story, stick with it, keep submitting it, you can find it a good home and also to say trust your instincts if you love your baby
hope this helps somebody somewhere to keep the faith
peace,
richard
wow…of all of my babies, and i’m focusing on my shorts, the novels are too much, too varied, and while they have sections that are strong, for this exercise…shorts
i have maybe four that i really love, stories that if i go back to them, i read them again and think, “this doesn’t suck” – no, make that three, that fourth one…still struggling with it – so here’s where my three babies, the three i LOVE are at this point in time
“transmogrify” is a contemporary vampire tale, that is part of an anthology slated to come out soon from living dead press entitled SHADOW KINDRED – they are all modern twists on the vampire lore, mine having to do with energivores or psionic vampires, creatures that feed on the misery of others – there are parts to this, the cemetery scene, the end of it, my attempt to honor huston’s THE DEAD, that i like a lot
“stillness” another one that i workshopped with craig clevenger, who told me “send it out” and was then rejected about ten times before landing at cemetery dance in their upcoming SHIVERS VI anthology, and i’m really excited about that – breaking through to a paying market and a 1% acceptance rate was a highlight for sure – they say we’ll have a big name or two in this, so…we’ll see, they often win Bram Stoker awards for this collection
“victimized” is my third baby, a 6800 word longer short that i really do love a lot, and it has been rejected 22 times to date – it just has to find the right home i think, this speculative thriller about a woman in the near future who has to step into a boxing ring to face her rapist, it’s a wild little ride, and i’m still optimistic about it, it’s still out to about 13 places
so, i share all of this for a couple of reasons – to show that if you love a story, stick with it, keep submitting it, you can find it a good home and also to say trust your instincts if you love your baby
hope this helps somebody somewhere to keep the faith
peace,
richard
it is possible that the first ten pages are good
while existing as a separate entity from the other pages
also, workshops are often full of silly geese
it is possible that the first ten pages are good
while existing as a separate entity from the other pages
also, workshops are often full of silly geese