August 7th, 2013 / 7:19 pm

What’s the weirdest thing you can think of?


  1. mimi

      can’t wait to read this thread!

  2. A D Jameson

      You’re so weird, Mimi.

  3. Brooks Sterritt


  4. A D Jameson

      Can you believe people once didn’t have them?

  5. A D Jameson

      Or maybe they did. Maybe they always had them.

  6. Brooks Sterritt

      maybe they have never had them

  7. A D Jameson

      That hypothesis, too, would fit the evidence.

  8. postitbreakup

      that we think we’re different than other animals

      that we make special rooms & devices to take shits in

      that sex is mashing our body parts into other people’s body holes

  9. Brooks Sterritt

      culture is weird as hell–so are smoothies

  10. A D Jameson

      Have you ever been to Jamba Juice? If so, what do you think they do there to make fruit taste so awful?

  11. mimi

      there’s a dr. flicker in annie hall

  12. Brooks Sterritt

      i have been there once, and i think it’s the powders

  13. A D Jameson

      That may be. Also, everything’s frozen? Like, really, really frozen.

  14. A D Jameson

      I think it’s weird that ghosts want my telephone number.

  15. Grant Maierhofer

      feel like walking around a high school graduation party with ryan gosling in that stuntman mask from drive on a leash asking people why they aren’t signing up is as far as it goes at the moment. maybe amy tan and amy poehler starting a sketch comedy troupe. david sedaris starring in all future david fincher productions. a fatal attraction sequel after all these years starring the still-living original cast members…

  16. deadgod

      ‘Thinking of’ it pretty much rules it out as a superlative of “weird”? How would you know it’s the weirdest thing you can think of?

      Me not existing is the weirdest thing I can name, but I doubt personal non-existence is a thinkable thing, except in that sentimental hysteria is a kind of cognition.

  17. elias tezapsidis

      seahorses in love inside whales scheming a getaway plan

  18. Daniel Beauregard

      2 dragons fuckin’ on a bed of gold

  19. mimi

      deadgod making a normal-ass comment, now that would be weird

  20. mimi

      i have a girl-crush on amy poehler
      but that’s not weird

  21. A D Jameson


  22. William VanDenBerg

      Hank Azaria covered in an inch thick layer of firm, cold butter.

  23. Daniel Beauregard

      It’s actually a line from a poem I wrote that I carried around for like a year being like “How the fuck can I put this into something?” The idea of dragonporn fan-fiction sounds hot.

  24. A D Jameson

      I immediately pictured Billy Lee and Jimmy breaking into Uncle Scrooge’s money bin.

  25. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Is this your slumber party question?

  26. A D Jameson

      In a sense.

  27. alanrossi

      don’t know if it’s the weirdest, but the immediate thought that arose for me: if all penises, upon ejaculation, made the sound of a severely congested overweight man blowing his nose.

  28. E.A. Beeson

      Cheese. Duck penises. My neighbor with the Javier-Bardem-in-No-Country-for-Old-Men haircut whom I’ve never seen with a shirt on.

  29. Anoneeeenon-non
  30. Bobby Dixon

      everyone, I think I found it

  31. A D Jameson

      This is truly excellent news—thanks! (I’m an obsessive Welles devotee.)

      Now I can commence making my long-planned sequel: Too Much Johnson 2: Not Enough Johnson.

  32. A D Jameson

      I have a new career goal. I want a billboard like that…

  33. A D Jameson

      Shirts fall right off him.

  34. Jeremy Hopkins

      “Eugenides … nuts.” (ca. 1993)

  35. Jeremy Hopkins

      [Note: multiple variant google searches for prior examples of this joke came up empty.]

  36. EmmaBinder


  37. EmmaBinder

      people who hoard money

  38. EmmaBinder


  39. EmmaBinder


  40. Timmy Reed

      holding hands with someone every time either of you fart, eyes closed, like you are taking a deep plunge together and are in love

  41. Matt Pine

      Nine Inch Nails and Paul McCartney are playing the same festival this weekend. Is that weird? Or is everyone somehow uniformly old now?

  42. Jeremy Hopkins

      Fact(oid?): P McC did albums with Youth from Killing Joke.

  43. E.A. Beeson

      Seriously. Biking home from work about 6 am, and there he is, only PJ bottoms and flip-flops. As far as I could tell he was transferring shit from his front yard across the street onto the neutral ground with a dustbin.

  44. A D Jameson

      Everyone’s uniformly old.

      And McCartney’s the original industrial musician! Witness.

  45. deadgod

      I don’t think crash clatter is the aspect of coherence, the likeness.

      Melody – the reduction/elevation to or disclosure of ‘pop’ – is the horizon that entails McCartney and Reznor. When McCartney shows up at the end of that studio-tribute movie that Grohl made, you can see that McCartney could make music with anybody who hears and makes in terms of ‘songs’. It’s a nice moment when, after a jam comes together, one of the musicians says something like ‘I was struggling but it came together’, and stoner McCartney says, ” . . . yeah.”, and everyone in the room *satori*.

  46. A D Jameson

      I wasn’t being entirely ironic when I called McCartney “industrial” (though I was joking about the “original” part). “Temporary Secretary” arguably shows that Sir Paul was, like Mr. Reznor, listening closely to Gary Numan in 1979. “Are Friends Electric?” was released in May of that year. McCartney recorded “Temporary Secretary” July–August, and released it on 15 September.

      It’s worth remembering also that McCartney was a fan of Stockhausen’s well before Yoko Ono got Lennon into him, and dragged him off to record “Revolution No. 9.”

      All of this is to say that I don’t find it odd that PMcC would be on tour with NIN, no. Though I don’t know if I’d call NIN’s music (past or present) primarily melodic; I think that’s a tad too reductive.

  47. Jeremy Hopkins

      I can’t think of any way to add to this which wouldn’t utilize a metaphor of spatial relationship, so I’m not gonna.

  48. mimi

      the dog-gone girl is mine vs. i wanna fuck you like an animal

      winner? let’s do a duet!

  49. A D Jameson
  50. mimi

      a mash-up even better

      that’s awesome!

  51. deadgod

      I guess I’m not sure what “industrial” means; to me, it connotes harsher ‘factory’ sounds than electronica usually uses. And Numan — to me, that’s disco music, with the r&b element smothered by–translated into?–lush and/or drip-drip synth.

      The Beatles were surely playing with harsh sounds – and with all kinds of sounds – in, what, the second half of their meteoric flight; you might hear ‘industry’ in the aggro beats and howling of, say, Helter Skelter. And if McCartney want’s to play, eh, symphonic music with NIN on the bill, who’s Reznor to be distressed, ha ha. They’ll probably have fun together.

      Didn’t mean NIN is primarily melodic; forced to isolate one trait as ‘first’, I’d pick the pounding. But if I heard a tune more or less spontaneously – say, Closer – , and especially if, in that moment, I was digging it, it would be primarily the chord/note sequence–the melody–that would have hooked me.

      Real ‘industry’ — Metal Machine Music, Einstürzende Neubauten, Wendy O. Williams, chainsaws bashing corrugated tin — … I think Reznor is a lot closer to AC/DC than he is to that racket-making.

      Haven’t developed a theory, but I think that just as the mind tends irresistibly (?) to narrate, so too does it tend to sort sound from the ground of pleasure. I think melody — maybe too catholically considered? — is what one makes when one shapes sound.

  52. deadgod

      hold you in his armchair whole existence is flawed

  53. A D Jameson

      That’s certainly fair, though I’ll insist NIN is (or once was) industrial the way you define it. E.g. Re: Numan & McCartney, I think also it’s useful to remember how … unusual (and mechanical) … synthesizers sounded in the 1970s and early 80s. McCartney’s secretary track is, I think, playing up the harshness of the technology, which is why I find it industrial. But all of these artists/tracks are definitely on the pop edge of that phenomenon, especially in regards to the musicians you mention.

  54. mimi

      the video for Closer seems ‘steampunk’ (a ‘type’ of ‘industrial’) meets joel-peter witkin