David Peak Poem
The Destruction Loops, Parts 1-8
I’ve let my blood out in a steamy bath
I’ve jammed a butter knife into the toaster
Lied down on my back and dropped a shot put on my face
I stuffed balls of newspaper print in my mouth
And spelled the state capitals in alphabetical order
I allowed myself to be hypnotized at the count of 8
The snap of my neck like the snap of a hypnotist’s fingers
The hypnotist showed me the earth as the angels see it
The streets are a twisted maze and we are lost in the maze
We are born walking into the world’s maze
At the count of 4 you will forget your confusion
The bathroom is filled with steam and the mirrors are steamed over
You cannot see yourself or your face in the mirror
The maze is all right angles
You are born into a confusion of angles
You will realize your confusion at the count of 4
1 – turn right
2 – turn right again
3 – turn right again
4 – turn right again
You are where you began
You must make this circuit twice
You are no longer lost in this section of the maze
I hear the snap of fingers like the snap of my neck
I am alone in a great square in a gray city
There are clouds adrift in the swollen sky
The clouds are swollen with acid rain
The gray city is one of many on an island in the ocean
The ocean is green
Its green waters are a bath of acid eating away at the coastline
You cannot see yourself in the mirror
Soon the clouds will open up and let loose their rains
You will strip naked and let them eat away at your skin
In the morning your skeleton will be found by a group of hungry lions
The lions will have ribs like wishbones pushing out at their fur
And they will pick you clean
You have given them a fullness
The meat on your bones will have completed its circuit
You will feel that you have done the right thing
You will feel an angel place a heavy hand on your shoulder
You will close your eyes and count to 8
You are clean now
You have smeared jam on your toast
You are no longer hungry
It is warm here in the lion’s den
David Peak is the author of a novel, The Rocket’s Red Glare (Leucrota Press), a book of poems, Surface Tension (BlazeVOX Books), and a chapbook, Museum of Fucked (Warm Milk Press). He lives in New York City and blogs at davidpeak.blogspot.com.
Sunday Service
Electric city.
Electricity.
Electric city.
Electricity.
love this. want more like this. it’s not part of a book yet, is it?
love this. want more like this. it’s not part of a book yet, is it?
Well done sir.
Well done sir.
David Peak is mighty.
David Peak is mighty.
wonderful
wonderful
Good work, David Peak. I am convinced.
Good work, David Peak. I am convinced.
Beautiful.
Thank you, David.
Beautiful.
Thank you, David.
really good.
really good.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Word up. I eagerly await books.
Word up. I eagerly await books.
there are some fine images in this piece, I think, esp. the right turns leading back to zero, homebase, and I like the one-line-at-a-time structure, the rhythm at times.
but am I a grammar nazi to point out that “lied” is all wrong? and this bothers no one but me?
the word choice rubs ugly — not in a good way — and mars the reading b/c it happens at the start.
question one: is correct verb conjugation out of touch w/ the tone of the piece?
question two: should anyone besides the writer be held accountable for this arguably misguided choice?
question three: is it even an error, or intentional, and if intentional, what contribution does it make to the poem?
not trying to start a fight, and I mean no disrespect to the poet. it’s just that these questions linger…
there are some fine images in this piece, I think, esp. the right turns leading back to zero, homebase, and I like the one-line-at-a-time structure, the rhythm at times.
but am I a grammar nazi to point out that “lied” is all wrong? and this bothers no one but me?
the word choice rubs ugly — not in a good way — and mars the reading b/c it happens at the start.
question one: is correct verb conjugation out of touch w/ the tone of the piece?
question two: should anyone besides the writer be held accountable for this arguably misguided choice?
question three: is it even an error, or intentional, and if intentional, what contribution does it make to the poem?
not trying to start a fight, and I mean no disrespect to the poet. it’s just that these questions linger…
should be “lain”, right? past participle of “lie”? i only know that cuz i looked it up just now. hm. i don’t like to be a grammar nazi either, *especially* in poetry, where, as a general thing, i like to say anything goes. but when it comes to lie, lay, lied, lain…yeah, i always wince at that. it’s no big deal, it’s a mistake everyone makes, including good writers. …but it annoys me that it so often slips past editors.
should be “lain”, right? past participle of “lie”? i only know that cuz i looked it up just now. hm. i don’t like to be a grammar nazi either, *especially* in poetry, where, as a general thing, i like to say anything goes. but when it comes to lie, lay, lied, lain…yeah, i always wince at that. it’s no big deal, it’s a mistake everyone makes, including good writers. …but it annoys me that it so often slips past editors.
sure, anything goes, but every word counts, no?
sure, anything goes, but every word counts, no?
i think if you use lain, then you kind of have to say ‘had lain’ to make it sound okay, but that adds a new syllable and either way makes it sound too pretentiously grammarful or something, not in line with the tone of the poem. lied doesnt bother me, its very simple sounding and fits with the tone of the poem.
i think if you use lain, then you kind of have to say ‘had lain’ to make it sound okay, but that adds a new syllable and either way makes it sound too pretentiously grammarful or something, not in line with the tone of the poem. lied doesnt bother me, its very simple sounding and fits with the tone of the poem.
he wouldn’t have had to use “had lain”, I think, because he started the first two lines with “I’ve” and left “I’ve” to be implied on the third line, so it would be “(I’ve) Lain down on my back…” right? It doesn’t bother me either way, but w/e. maybe I’m misreading it, and I’ve isn’t even implied on the third line.
he wouldn’t have had to use “had lain”, I think, because he started the first two lines with “I’ve” and left “I’ve” to be implied on the third line, so it would be “(I’ve) Lain down on my back…” right? It doesn’t bother me either way, but w/e. maybe I’m misreading it, and I’ve isn’t even implied on the third line.
i think you’re right, it is implied, but even so, it still would sound weird to begin that line with Lain. i think ‘had lain’ would at least sound better.
i think you’re right, it is implied, but even so, it still would sound weird to begin that line with Lain. i think ‘had lain’ would at least sound better.
I agree. It sounds pretentious w/ lain, out of sync w/ the rest of the poem. But lied doesn’t work either b/c it draws unnecessary attention to itself.
I agree. It sounds pretentious w/ lain, out of sync w/ the rest of the poem. But lied doesn’t work either b/c it draws unnecessary attention to itself.
What about “went”?
What about “went”?
no cuz then its like he urinated on his back
no cuz then its like he urinated on his back
isn’t it supposed to be “lay”?
performed an action whereby i became horizontal and staring upward
isn’t it supposed to be “lay”?
performed an action whereby i became horizontal and staring upward
haha
what a girl
haha
what a girl
i think the problem with lay is it makes the tense ambiguous with like is he placing something on his back. no?
i think the problem with lay is it makes the tense ambiguous with like is he placing something on his back. no?
Nope, “have” makes it “lain.” I like “performed an action whereby I became horizontal,” Darby, but ya know, it’s kind of a mouthful…
Nope, “have” makes it “lain.” I like “performed an action whereby I became horizontal,” Darby, but ya know, it’s kind of a mouthful…
well. real poets go the distance.
well. real poets go the distance.
lied, lay, lain… bottom line (if we’re being honest here): the line has to be reworked or cut.
no?
lied, lay, lain… bottom line (if we’re being honest here): the line has to be reworked or cut.
no?
like triathletes?
like triathletes?
i dont know. i dont think it detracts much as is. i didnt notice it until you mentioned it. i tend to have a pretty liberal approach to grammar in poetry or even fiction, if i understand what a writer means it worked for me.
i dont know. i dont think it detracts much as is. i didnt notice it until you mentioned it. i tend to have a pretty liberal approach to grammar in poetry or even fiction, if i understand what a writer means it worked for me.
yes. real poets go the distance like triathletes. thanks.
yes. real poets go the distance like triathletes. thanks.
damn damn damn
i replied with like 30 adjectives but the site ate my reply and i didn’t save a copy, that’s unlike me
damn damn damn
i replied with like 30 adjectives but the site ate my reply and i didn’t save a copy, that’s unlike me
I’m just playing, Darby. I know what you mean. Real poets make a lifelong commitment, and it’s a worthy one, to be sure.
I’m just playing, Darby. I know what you mean. Real poets make a lifelong commitment, and it’s a worthy one, to be sure.
Thank you jesusangelgarcia for taking the time to begin a discussion about the poem. Seriously, I’d rather read a million comments debating grammar more than “good job,” “great job,” “awesome poem,” etc. At least then I’m learning something.
Thank you jesusangelgarcia for taking the time to begin a discussion about the poem. Seriously, I’d rather read a million comments debating grammar more than “good job,” “great job,” “awesome poem,” etc. At least then I’m learning something.
In David’s defense, I’m a very lazy editor that doesn’t really edit at all.
In David’s defense, I’m a very lazy editor that doesn’t really edit at all.
sweet.
sweet.
you’re the man, david.
you’re the man, david.
thank you, everyone, for reading
i am sorry i suck at that one word :(
thank you, everyone, for reading
i am sorry i suck at that one word :(
one bad word does not a bad poem make. I like the piece, david, and the dialogue said word launched. thanks for going the distance… (I’m a big fan of “decay, dissection, perception, the human body”).
one bad word does not a bad poem make. I like the piece, david, and the dialogue said word launched. thanks for going the distance… (I’m a big fan of “decay, dissection, perception, the human body”).
Like this. I’m buying your new book. I always love poems with lions.
Like this. I’m buying your new book. I always love poems with lions.