Greetings dear readers of important literature,

I am trying to clean up my dirty frathouse look so that people can take me seriously.

What should I do with these hairs that are coming up out of my shirt?

Like, they aren’t quite chest hairs and they aren’t quite neck hairs? So do I shave them? Or clip them? Or pluck them? Something else? Another thing?

Turtlenecks are not an option, because I live in Houston, Texas, and summer is coming soon.

I am really serious about being taken seriously here. I need to be taken seriously so that I can one day get a job in the real world and make money for my family, because I’m going to have a family one day, and probably a mortgage :( so yeah.

So any grooming tips are welcome and encouraged. If you want, post in the comments section those grooming tips. Person who submits best grooming tip (funniest? most succesful? creativest? meanest? i dont konw) will receive a really old copy of Barry Yourgrau’s Wearing Dad’s Head and maybe some hair clippings or something. So be sure to include a real email so I can email you.

Okay, bye, thank you!

Now I’m going to go make a resume.

***UPDATE***

Wearing Dad’s Head goes to Joe Young, because he made me remember how much I loved watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as a kid. Thanks, Joe, for the memories.