john cusack

How to become the most famous author in the world, a guest post by Mark Baumer

Mark Baumer, of Everyday Yeah and the Brown MFA blog, writes in with some tips on writing gleaned from what last week or the week before was the #1 movie in America…


John Cusack or Jackson Curtis wrote a book called Farewell Atlantis.  In the year 2012, according to the movie 2012, it will become the most famous book in the world.  Everything I’ve read about Jackson Curtis leads me to believe he was very forward thinking.  It was obvious from watching the movie that he had planned his rise in the publishing game long before the world came to an end and flooded and repositioned itself despite an original print run of less than 500 copies.

Here is a list of everything Jackson Curtis did to become the world’s most famous author.  I’d like to point out that this list doubles as a nice how-to guide for becoming the most famous living author after the world has killed itself.

1.  A few days before the end of the world wake up late and make excuses about the traffic when your ex-wife calls and asks why you having picked up the kids yet.

2.  Take the limo when your Jeep doesn’t start.

3.  Wave to the plastic surgeon dude who is boning your ex-wife only because his skills are important later in the movie.

4.  Drive limo to Yellowstone National Park while singing songs with daughter in the front seat.  Ignore your son in the backseat.  He is being a little douche bag.  Let him listen to the music.  Don’t worry, he won’t be completely useless his whole life.

5.  At Yellowstone, climb over fences marked with trespassing signs.  Ignore the dead elks roasting on the former lake where you and your wife used to have sex.

6.  Make friends with the head scientist for the United States who is leading up the investigation on the end of the world.  This will only be possible if the head scientist’s father has already read your book and has given it to his son.  Make sure the father of the head scientist investigating the end of the world has read your book before you trespass at Yellowstone.

7.  Ask your daughter if she still wets the bed.

8.  Hang out in Woody Harrelson’s camper.  Take his last beer.

9.  Bring kids home early when ex-wife freaks out over an earthquake at the supermarket.

10.  Don’t believe the government when they say, “The worst is over.”


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December 1st, 2009 / 1:55 pm