relax, mencius, i don't want to hurt you

i think i would most like to fuck Mencius, who was a distant pupil of Confucius. i would be gentle with Mencius and i would make Mencius a really good omelette afterward. i think Mencius would be the type of person who would thank me for the omelette even if it was kind of fucked up from flipping it the wrong way. it would be nice to just make an omelette for Mencius. i would make the omelette naked, standing in my kitchen and Mencius would come out of my room, with his hair kind of messed up and only a blanket on. i would say, “hey lover” and then i would ask Mencius if he ever met Confucius. i would then ask Mencius a bunch of questions about THE ANALECTS until Mencius got annoyed and started smoking a Newport and ashing onto my carpet. then Mencius would tell me to “look it up on wikipedia.” Mencius would ask me “whose number is that in your phone” and i would grit my teeth and avoid the question. i think Mencius would be the writer i’d most like to fuck because most writers annoy me in person. originally i though i would write this on bukowski so whenever people were arguing about how great or how shitty bukowski was, i could just say, “yeah well i fucked him, so shut up.” also, is katie couric a writer?