PRESS RELEASE: “—– — —-” by Soffi Stiassni
Our own Soffi Stiassni will be rewriting Tao Lin’s Eeeee Eee Eeee using Georges Perec’s sans ‘e’ method derived in A Void.
If you think Perec’s attempt impossible (as I did), here’s an excerpt:
Noon rings out. A wasp, making an ominous sound, a sound akin to a klaxon or a tocsin, flits about. Augustus, who has had a bad night, sits up blinking and purblind. Oh what was that word (is his thought) that ran through my brain all night, that idiotic word that, hard as I’d try to pun it down, was always just an inch or two out of my grasp – fowl or foul or Vow or Voyal? – a word which, by association, brought into play an incongruous mass and magma of nouns, idioms, slogans and sayings, a confusing, amorphous outpouring which I sought in vain to control or turn off but which wound around my mind a whirlwind of a cord […]
What is perhaps more remarkable is Gibert Adair’s English translation, just excepted, of Perec’s French La Disparition. I simply don’t know how Adair was able to translate that.
I look forward to Stoffi’s rewrite of —– — —-. I can see it already:
Andrw drivs back to Domino’s.
“Matt,” h says. “Thr’s a dolphin in the backsat. Can I go hom?”
“Lt m put ths pppronis on,” Matt says. “Thn I’ll cash you out.”
Aftr bing paid sixty-cnts gas mony for ach dlivry Andrw has fourtn dollars.
“Give half to th dolphin,” Matt says.
Which reminds me of artist Brendan Lott’s sans ‘a’ The Scrlet Letter. I think I’m gonna rewrite Stephen Dixon’s I. without the ‘i.’ I challenge someone to do The Castle without the ‘K.’
This is either high-brow Wheel of Fortune, or lowbrow Jeopardy! I can’t figure it out.
Secret Santa – Time to Buy Stuff
So we’ll stop taking new Santas now. 129 of you signed up, which broke my last goal of 125.
Good work.
Look out in your email and on this site for more stuff. I’ll have the random assignments out soon. My plan is to do that by this Monday. That way everyone will have plenty of time to purchase and send things.
For now, relax, go play.
I’ll take care of everything.
Last Day to be a Secret Santa
Above is you and your Secret Santa before the exchange.
Below is you and your Secret Santa after the exchange.
I will continue to accept signups through midnight (CST) tonight. Then I’ll begin assigning randomly the Secret Santas.
Do it.
Be a Secret Santa and support independent authors/presses/publishers.
You just might like it.
Viewer Mail!
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Hello Justin Taylor,
-Mark Baumer
—
www.thievesjargon.com
www.everydayyeah.com

Gee, that was random.
********BONUS********* JUSTIN TAYLOR REPLIES:
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Hi, Mark, thanks for writing. I don’t really know what to make of your letter. To be honest, it doesn’t seem like it should have been addressed to me. It’s not exactly about any of the things I wrote about in my recent blog post, which itself was rather explicit about being somewhat predicated by, but hardly “about,” Matt DiGangi and Thieves Jargon–two entities about which I know very little, and not for lack of opportunity either.
I’m sorry that Matt has to edit boring textbooks. We must, all of us, do something. For example, I have to think of lesson plans and commute to New Jersey twice a week to teach my class, and then I have to grade my students’ papers. Let me tell you, brother, it’s no walk in the park, although I do get to walk through campus, which has many park-like qualities. Also, sometimes the students write things that are very funny. Typically, they have not done so on purpose.
Speaking of which, I have no idea what “when the internet was still good” means, but then I’m not the one who said it. Since you’re the one who said it, it is discomforting to know that you don’t know what it means either. Do you often make declarations incomprehensible even to yourself and then send them off in personal letters to strangers?
Personally, I think shoelaces both got really lame in the mid-90s, but they seem to have really re-emerged during the last year or two, totally transformed and ready to assert their relevance–even necessity, perhaps–to the culture. I can’t wait to see what happens with shoelaces next.
In closing, I wish that I could promise to keep your secret about the simplicity of your cake recipe from Jimmy, but the fact of the matter is that I’m almost certainly going to post your letter and my response (that is, this letter which I’m writing right now) on HTMLGiant later this afternoon, or possibly even this morning, so I guess he’ll probably learn the truth that way.
JT
************DOUBLE YOUR BONUS*********
M. BAUMER REPLIES TO THE REPLY:
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Hey Justin,
I give you permission to post my email without my permission.
Please include this:
I also want to say something about BB that makes fun of the way he gets off or something, but I am not very good at shit talking.
Justin, I think you want me to kill myself. ‘Shoelaces’ was my self-termination code word when I was created as a sad pot of soup on the back left burner. Then some family ate me.
I honestly think lots of people would consider being gay with BB’s blogspot account. I guess this is a compliment. Sometimes I worry about saying anything bad about BB and any other expert bloggers because in the back of my head I think, “If they kill themselves someone in the future will read this comment of me calling them a ‘shitfuck’ and then they’ll google my name and find my address and come to my house via google maps and dump un-erasable spam on my front lawn and my wife will say, ‘how could you say that?’ and then stop talking to me over gchat and i’ll marriage will be over.”
Oh well.
To Blake
“You’re a shitfuck. Don’t kill yourself.”

Are we having a feud now? About what?
Kitchen Reading Series
I like this: The Kitchen Reading Series, which is people doing readings in their kitchens.
Tired of boogie-boarding the net, watching laughing babies, silly cat montages, or anything scored to the Benny Hill Theme? For a grapefruit squirt in the eye, check out The Kitchen Reading Series, a video-based alternative to live literary readings. Our first batch features the following writers:
Deanna Fong
Stacey May Fowles
Jp King
Anna Leventhal
Jeff Miller
Hillary Rexe
Vince Tinguely
Here is an example, of Deanna Fong reading from her new book BUTCHER’S BLOCK from PistolPress, which looks really great:
“THAT’S *IT*! YOU AREN’T WERE IN MY MAGAZINE ANYMORE!” and other bizarre things you can (but shouldn’t) say when you edit an ‘electronic magazine,’ or ‘elecamazine,’ as I call it.

Anyway, here’s Matt addressing Blake:
>>Thanks, again, for being honest. That’s why HTML Giant is awesome.
I like being a stick in the mud as well, which is why I just removed your story and bio from the Thieves Jargon archive.<<
This caught my attention, because something very similar was said to me recently after I made some disparaging comments about my own work which had appeared in a back issue of a certain web journal which will not be named. (Mine came in the form of a threat; I haven’t checked to see if it was carried out.) Basically the editor’s thesis was, if I was critical of my own work, and by extension her magazine for publishing it (fairness to her: I was, and am) then fuck me too and she would “un-publish” me as a punishment.
I don’t know Matt, and I don’t read Thieves’ Jargon, so I’ve got nothing to say about him or his project that’s based on research or first-hand experince. But his comment, which may well have been made in jest, for all I know, really stuck with me, because in both cases–mine, and his, assuming the comment was in earnest–there seems to be a prevailing and unquestioned assumption that the purpose of publishing writing is to generate for the author a kind of “capital” or “currency,” which is then in some psychic sense “owed” to the editor, who seems to see him/herself as a sort of issuing bank.
This is a very bad way to think of yourself as an editor, and about the purpose of your editorial project in general. Of course, we know that at a certain level it is the truth of the case–a writer indeed does “get” something very real, albeit intangible (I don’t mean the check) from being in The New Yorker that s/he don’t get from being in Bicycle Goat Review. (Though, conversely, depending who you want to impress, you may well get something from Bicycle Goat that you don’t or can’t from the NY’ker. )
The question, to me, is whether generating this “currency” is the primary goal of the publication or just a happy side-effect. Answering this question is really easy. If you have to think about the answer to it for even a second, or if you are coming on the end of this sentence I’m typing now and still don’t know the answer, let me give you a clue: DON’T EDIT ANYTHING. YOU’RE NOT READY AND YOU WON’T BE GOOD AT IT.
When an editor of an electronic journal, who is in the unique situation of being able to “unpublish” in a way that no print editor can, threatens or actually carries out such an action, what they seem to reveal to me is the cravenness and intellectual bankruptcy of their own enterprise. When you do this, you deal a serious blow to your project’s institutional memory, its continuity, and its integrity. Plus you give a fiendishly literal twist to the phrase “So and so has been published in Bicycle Goat” as it appears in three-line bios all over the face of this great world.

Mourning the victims of Stalin's purges.
One of the most important things an editor can do is stand by the work he or she has published, even if–especially when–the author no longer does. We expect the author to grow and change, and maybe even to disown old work to make way for the new. The editor–especially when s/he is also the publisher and sole proprietor of the enterprise–is supposed to be a somewhat more practical cat, and to have a somewhat longer view of the situation.
Questions: if you “unpublish” me from your journal, does that mean my work is unpublished now? Is this like being a born-again virgin? And if I have a second change of heart, and love my work again, can I take the stuff you removed from Bicycle Goat and send it over to A Public Space? If/when my book comes out, and my work that you un-published is in it, should I put your journal on the copyright page like this: “Dinosaurs are Awesome” first appeared in Bicycle Goat A Public Space.

Crisis on infinite earths! Oh noes!
I’ll be the first to argue that editing and curating are artistic endeavors–at least as much as writing is–so if you want to disown an entire editorial project, that’s one thing, but to re-evaluate and selectively remove work you actually enjoyed and admired and were proud to publish based on personal offense at that writer’s (a) behavior, (b) lack of quid pro quo, (c) change of heart in re their own work and/or your magazine, (d) other, makes you one thing and one thing only: a bad editor.
Sorry, kids, but them’s the breaks.

Purity of heart is to will one thing.
My Life as a Blog
Tuesday December 2, 2008
I don’t know, does this pale green background make my ass look fat? I got 60+ hives on both legs yesterday. People on the ‘internet’ call the hives ‘comments.’ Every time the kids have a temper tantrum in public, I get a major allergic reaction.
People on the street always stare whenever I bring the kids into town for ice cream. Blake and Sam always get scatological with the fudge, and it’s not pretty. And Kendra likes to flash the boys, while Catherine and Soffi watch in awe. “Mommy when will I get a rack like that?” Catherine asks. “Iraq is none of our concern dear,” I say.
Gene and I are arguing again. Ever since Matthew, we’ve been growing more distant. Gene says he’s tired of biblical names. I tell him Michael, Joshua, and Matthew are my favorite sons. Jimmy, the one we adopted from China, is tearing this family apart (he’s a panty sniffer, according to Kendra, Catherine, Soffi, and my mother).
I wonder if Shane and Justin are gay (not that there’s any problem with that, even as a Christian). Shane simply looks too good in a V-neck shirt to be straight (besides, all his friends are ‘feminists’) and Justin has had his face in Baudrillard for the past year. He’s currently deconstructing the semantics of ‘putang,’ convinced that pussy does not exist.
Jereme spoke in class today—not in any Eddie Vedder way—I mean, he literally finally spoke his first words. His 4th grade teacher and I were getting worried. Ryan is also a little slow, but we can’t all be Justin. Blake seems smart, but I think it’s just tourette’s.
The kids love their hamster, named it ‘Tao.’ Tao, despite being forced into his plastic compartment or spun on the wheel, is somehow able to maintain a ‘neutral facial expression.’ Sometimes we let Tao out to ride Melville, the toy whale, in the tub.
Sometimes I lie in bed at night, through the haze of Gene’s bear-like snoring, worrying about the ‘internet.’ I mean, what is the point of my life? I try to be a good mother, a good Christian, a good wife—but there’s this part of me that wants to get Mme. Bovary on Gene’s ass, like run away with Barry Graham, who measures various girths on his body.
There is a certain sadness to my life, to all of ours. I wish I could be happy like Gawker, that bitch. Oh dear, I must run. Little Sammy is eating his shit again, which is setting Blake off.
100 Secret Santas and counting…
That’s right. 100 of you have signed up for our Secret Santa Gift Exchange for Independent Literature. Things are happening.
Hooray!
One of you has even signed up twice!
Okay, what should the next goal be? 125?
If you’ve signed up and you’re wondering what to do next, don’t worry. I’ll have an email/post out to you with details about the exchange as soon as we get every last name on the list.
Remember, December 5th is the deadline.
Buy Nothingness Day
Adbusters’ Buy Nothing Day, the symbolic commercial day after thanksgiving, passed again in futility. There’s something sadly ironic about a bunch of socialist Canadian intellectuals trying to brand anti-ads to people immune to marketing, and wondering why no one listens. One day, when people study this civilization, the Wal-Mart clerk being trampled to death by shoppers will be read as an allegory of our deep social pathologies.
Not trying to get too existential on your ass, but we are somewhat fucked, so I am hereby launching HTMLGIANT’s Buy Nothingness Day, everyday for the next year. What better way to blend free-market ‘choice’ with the thick vacuum of ontological negation?
Come on people, jump in the Seine.
transformativitinessability
Poet Julia Cohen has been asking people for advice over at her blog, On the Messier Side of Neat:
>>I’m reading Everybody’s Autonomy by Juliana Spahr. I’m on page 14 so I have a ways to go. What I would really appreciate is if you, in the comment box, let me know which theory or philosophy book was the most transformative for you. What has most deeply impacted your way of thinking/writing? I will then read it.
Whoever recommends the book that then impacts me the most will receive a prize greater than or equal to one pound of elk meat. Ok, greater.<<
Here’s some of what’s come in so far:
Our own Mike Young got first comment, with >>The work of Emmanuel Levinas, specifically Totality and Infinity.<<
A guy named Gary McDowell suggested Gaston Bachelard’s Poetics of Space, along with an apology that it was such a cliche choice. No shame in a crowd, Gary! I’ve read that book too.
I went on this long-winded spiel about the nature of the question, then finally got around to naming Zizek’s Puppet and the Dwarf.
Mathias Svalina of Octopus Books (and of going steady with Julia Cohen) fame, picked The Giving Tree, but then Julia said her mom thinks that book is sexist, and pointedly thanked “everyone else.” (Hmm. Did I just start an “internet rumor?” Can I classify this post under “web hype” now?)
Kitchen Press (aka Justin Marks) weighed in with this: >> Why Did I Ever, by Mary Robison. It’s marketed as a novel, i guess because she calls herself a novelist, but one could certainly argue for it as a prose poem. or lyric novel. or some mixed genre something or other.<<
And other people wrote other things too. Maybe YOU will win the elk meat?

This could be your new life.