May 27th, 2011 / 12:20 pm
Author News

Twitter MFA

In which we do a close-reading of a Tweeter’s Tweet draft and assess its tone, theme, synecdoche and narrative arc, among other things. Today’s Tweet draft was written by Drew Kalbach. This is the final installment of Twitter MFA. Thank you for reading.

The Tweet draft:

my face is continually jealous of my face

Drew Kalbach’s Tweet draft utilizes a heavily deconstructed sonnet sequence to describe the dissolution of a romantic relationship between his face and his face. With its ABBA rhyme scheme–the pairing of ‘face’ and ‘face’ and the softly assonant ‘continually’ and ‘jealous’–Kalbach alludes to a Miltonic sonnet in 140 characters or less.

The primary difference between Kalbach’s dual faces and John Milton’s Sonnet 9 is Kalbach’s play with the ‘fiction of desire.’ A mythological reading might suggest Kalbach’s mug as a Circe of sorts; a visage so ravishing it must sprout its own Odysseus, as foil, to gaze upon it. Alternately, one could employ a feminist lens and propose that Kalbach’s face feels it is ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’ when pitted against a dominant facial paradigm. Surely, this is a multivalent Tweet. And surely, this is a multivalent face, ya’ll.

Here are 13 other ways of looking at Drew Kalbach’s Tweet draft:

I. Existentialist

At any street corner Drew Kalbach’s face can strike any man in the face.

II. Russian Formalist

If it gets crowded with all of Drew Kalbach’s faces and there’s nowhere to put your bed, it’s better to exchange it for a folding bed.

III. Psychoanalytic

This Tweet in which the mirror-stage comes to an end inaugurates, by the identification with the imago of the counterpart and the drama of primordial jealousy (so well brought out by the school of Charlotte Bühler in the phenomenon of infantile transitivism), the dialectic that will henceforth link Drew Kalbach’s I to socially elaborated situations.

IV. New Criticism


V. Bob Dylan Is a Poet-ist / No He Isn’t-ist

Keep a clean nose / Watch the plain clothes / You don’t need Kalbach’s face to know which way the wind blows.

VI. Queer Theorist

Race and class are rendered distinct analytically only to produce the realization that the analysis of the one cannot proceed without the other. A different dynamic it seems is at work in the critique of Drew Kalbach’s face.

VII. Jungian

Drew Kalbach’s faces are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.

VIII. Search Engine Optimization

Kalbach is targeting people with unusually jealous faces. Chances are those consumers haven’t had luck shopping at just any face store, so they’re probably not going to search or shop using such basic keywords. They don’t want to waste time looking at face sites that don’t carry their kinds of faces. They’ll search using specific long-tail keywords like “why is my face jealous of my face?” or “how can I make my face not jealous of my face?” Using long-tail keywords in his PPC campaign will help Kalbach target those highly qualified customers.

IX. Structuralist

To hide Drew Kalbach’s face totally (or even to hide, more simply, its excess) is inconceivable: not because the face is too weak, but because the face is in essence made to be seen: the hiding must be seen.

X. Post-Colonialism

Since the time of Homer, every European, in what he could say about Drew Kalbach’s face, was a racist, an imperialist, and almost totally ethnocentric.

XI. Inevitable Jim Morrison Phase-ist

Kalbach’s face scattered on dawn’s highway bleeding. Ghosts crowd Kalbach’s fragile eggshell face of a face.

XII. Marxist

The linkage of the scientifically discredited medieval sphere with the heaps of Drew Kalbach’s faces suggests rather the poet’s need to break beyond the rigid standard of empirical truth, that he himself has already allowed into the Tweet, and faintly suggests as well the kind of apocalyptic destruction that the imagination seeks when unleashed (the idea that one of his faces is jealous of another of his faces clearly pleases the speaker).

XIII. Anonymous Lit Blog Commenter

Fuck Drew Kalbach’s face.

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  1. belz

      Oh my gosh. This is brilliant!

  2. Anonymous
  3. deadgod

      XXXVII.  Another Anonymous Lit Blog Commenter:  McLuhanalysis

      ‘Jealousy’ is the medium.  ‘Drew Kalbach’s face’ is the message.  ‘Lucky Charms “marshmallows” in maple syrup’ are the massage.

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  11. La Petite Zine

      This post should have, like, so many more comments & also a fight.

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  22. Neuropathy Miracle Program

      Neuropathy Miracle Program

      Twitter MFA | HTMLGIANT

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