January 23rd, 2012 / 6:39 pm
 Author Spotlight

Comic

DRUG-RELATED PHOTOSHOP ART – 38 YR OLD MORBIDLY OBESE TAO LIN

38-year-old “ironically”/”prophetically” morbidly obese and visibly jaundiced Tao Lin, author of 9 novels and 2 illegitimate “hapa” children, at Columbia University’s Creative Writing 2021 annual symposium “The Otherness of The Other: Other Ways to View Oneself Besides Boring” panel discussion (seated far left, visibly deflated after answering “seems like…I don’t know” to the three questions he was asked) vaguely “squinting” with left (and only operational) eye at group of semi-anorexic ~22-to-23 year-old recent graduates from Sarah Lawrence now fashion bloggers, all of whom he envisions having non-detached relations with, simultaneously, “on” 2x slow-release 20 mg Ritalin tablets, 3-month-expired NyQuil gel-caps, and a “sex swing” adorned with dried eucalyptus leaves imported from Australia affixed in PPOW gallery installation w/ speakers playing koala bear mating sounds. Lin is heard mumbling something about defunct literary enterprise Muumuu house, “needing only 217 twitter followers until [he] reach[es], like, one million maybe” and something about a pâté smootie moments before MDMA-induced seizure, by which gasps of Diane Williams-esque “odd” and vaguely passive-aggressive NOON worthy dialog followed.

16 Comments

  1. January 23rd, 2012 / 7:00 pm Richard Grayson—

      Puffy.

  2. January 23rd, 2012 / 7:01 pm tao lin—

      my left eye…lol

  3. January 23rd, 2012 / 7:32 pm misskimball—

      you look like fat mike

  4. January 23rd, 2012 / 7:41 pm Janey Smith—

      koala bear mating sounds

  5. January 23rd, 2012 / 7:57 pm Anonymous—

      lol

  6. January 23rd, 2012 / 8:15 pm Andrew Colville—

      lol

  7. January 23rd, 2012 / 8:28 pm Brian M—

      damn, amazing parody!

  8. January 23rd, 2012 / 8:33 pm Walter Mackey—

      shirts seems ‘way intense’

  9. January 23rd, 2012 / 8:47 pm Cassandra Troyan—

      i can’t imagine you with stubble. 

  10. January 23rd, 2012 / 9:14 pm Craig Ronald Marchinkoski—

      @richard. rick rubin

  11. January 23rd, 2012 / 9:30 pm Nich Eggert—

      hehe

  12. January 23rd, 2012 / 9:43 pm Anonymous—

      There’s no such thing as leftover crack.

  13. January 24th, 2012 / 12:02 am Sugar Bear—

      well sir authority figure…you’re absolutely correct. A diet consisting of potato chips, boca burger bagelwiches with vegan mayo, unfrosted brown sugar cinnamon poptarts and panera’s black bean soup in a bread bowl (maybe a midnight snack of gardertto’s garlic rye chips) has zero percent possibility of creating excess fats.

  14. January 24th, 2012 / 3:55 pm Brian M—

      Tao, you ever thought of publishing a Jimmy Chen best of TC and HTML articles? I think it would be a classic. Just an idea.

  15. January 24th, 2012 / 6:04 pm Anonymous—

      There was a time when I was a vegan who subsisted primarily on Nutter Butters.

  16. January 25th, 2012 / 11:22 am alex crowley—

      yeah, “french fry vegans”