October 6th, 2010 / 7:15 pm
Author Spotlight

Notorious B.I.G’s lyrics arranged in haiku form

Bashful Basho

On lifestyle and finances:

escargot, my car go
one sixty, swiftly
wreck it buy a new one

On childhood:

super nintendo, sega genesis
when I was dead broke
man I couldn’t picture this

On pre-courtship logistics:

girlfriend here’s a pen
call me round ten
have sex on rug that’s Persian

On post-courtship logistics:

leave you on the pavement
condo paid for
no car payment

On modest copulation:

so no caviar, uh uh
strictly sex that’s pretty
and left over spaghetti

On alpha male tendencies:

move over Lucifer
I’m more ruthless, huh
leave you toothless

On patricide:

daddy dearest
my vision be the clearest
silencers so you can’t hear it

On suicide:

squeeze until the bed’s
completely red, I’m glad I’m dead
worthless fuckin’ buddha head

On the afterlife:

no human being
korean or european
be seein’ what Big be seein’

With minor edits employed by this contributor, and don’t be trippin’ counting syllables nerds, christ.

[via wikipedia] On March 9, 1997, Christopher George Latore Wallace was killed by an unknown assailant in a drive-by shooting in Los Angeles. His double-disc set Life After Death, released 15 days later, hit #1 on the U.S. album charts and was certified Diamond in 2000 (one of only 4 hip hop albums to receive this certification). Wallace was noted for his “loose, easy flow,” dark semi-autobiographical lyrics and storytelling abilities. Since his death, a further two albums have been released. MTV ranked him at #3 on their list of The Greatest MCs (Rappers) of All Time. He has sold 17 million albums in the United States.

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17 Comments

  1. jereme_dean

      no one understands the haiku.

      Wallace is the Megavolt to 2pac’s Darkwing Duck.

  2. Salvatore Pane

      More like Negaduck to his DW.

  3. jereme_dean

      i like my version better.

  4. deadgod

      Wouldn’t even be trippin’ if you’d called them low-Qs, or three-line sonnets, or Rushin’ novelists.

  5. Salvatore Pane

      For some reason I read Biggie when you wrote 2pac. In other news, I won a Darkwing Duck trivia contest at age nine. The prize? A television. Thank you, Disney Afternoon.

  6. Eric Beeny

      Nice…

      On not wanting to be disturbed:

      who the fuck is this
      pagin’ me at 5:46
      in the morning

      On self-image:

      I’m dangerous, crazier
      than a bag of
      fucking angel dust

      On the miracle of birth:

      unbilical cord’s wrapped around
      my neck, I’m seeing my death
      and I ain’t even took my first step

  7. Matthew Simmons

      Counting syllables when your writing a haiku in English is probably mad pointless.

      And Jimmy Chen is gangster.

      UPDATE: HAH! You’re! Yes.

      Damn. I’m really fuckin’ it up today.

  8. Andrew

      Genius.

  9. Kent Tekulvy

      A notch below Rod McKuen

  10. drewkalbach

      you mean “you’re,” correct?

      AND THE HAMMER STRIKES AGAIN, SOWING GRAMMATICAL DEATH AND WOE TO ALL THAT OPPOSES IT

  11. Matthew Simmons

      Paraphrasing Public Enemy:

      Who gives a fuck about a God damn grammar!

  12. sam salvador

      ON SEXUAL HEALTH:

      got the cleanest mean-
      est penis you never seen
      this stroke of genius

  13. James Yeh

      way into this. good job. the first two especially. “wreck it buy a new one”

  14. TWS

      Thank you, Jimmy.

  15. brian burke

      this is fantastic

  16. stephen

      damn, i enjoyed this, jimmy. particularly “on suicide.”

  17. Guest

      ON LOVE

      you look so good
      i suck on your daddy’s dick
      i never felt that way in my life