October 6th, 2010 / 7:15 pm
Author Spotlight

Notorious B.I.G’s lyrics arranged in haiku form

Bashful Basho

On lifestyle and finances:

escargot, my car go
one sixty, swiftly
wreck it buy a new one

On childhood:

super nintendo, sega genesis
when I was dead broke
man I couldn’t picture this

On pre-courtship logistics:

girlfriend here’s a pen
call me round ten
have sex on rug that’s Persian

On post-courtship logistics:

leave you on the pavement
condo paid for
no car payment

On modest copulation:

so no caviar, uh uh
strictly sex that’s pretty
and left over spaghetti

On alpha male tendencies:

move over Lucifer
I’m more ruthless, huh
leave you toothless

On patricide:

daddy dearest
my vision be the clearest
silencers so you can’t hear it

On suicide:

squeeze until the bed’s
completely red, I’m glad I’m dead
worthless fuckin’ buddha head

On the afterlife:

no human being
korean or european
be seein’ what Big be seein’

With minor edits employed by this contributor, and don’t be trippin’ counting syllables nerds, christ.

[via wikipedia] On March 9, 1997, Christopher George Latore Wallace was killed by an unknown assailant in a drive-by shooting in Los Angeles. His double-disc set Life After Death, released 15 days later, hit #1 on the U.S. album charts and was certified Diamond in 2000 (one of only 4 hip hop albums to receive this certification). Wallace was noted for his “loose, easy flow,” dark semi-autobiographical lyrics and storytelling abilities. Since his death, a further two albums have been released. MTV ranked him at #3 on their list of The Greatest MCs (Rappers) of All Time. He has sold 17 million albums in the United States.

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  1. jereme_dean

      no one understands the haiku.

      Wallace is the Megavolt to 2pac’s Darkwing Duck.

  2. Salvatore Pane

      More like Negaduck to his DW.

  3. jereme_dean

      i like my version better.

  4. deadgod

      Wouldn’t even be trippin’ if you’d called them low-Qs, or three-line sonnets, or Rushin’ novelists.

  5. Salvatore Pane

      For some reason I read Biggie when you wrote 2pac. In other news, I won a Darkwing Duck trivia contest at age nine. The prize? A television. Thank you, Disney Afternoon.

  6. Eric Beeny


      On not wanting to be disturbed:

      who the fuck is this
      pagin’ me at 5:46
      in the morning

      On self-image:

      I’m dangerous, crazier
      than a bag of
      fucking angel dust

      On the miracle of birth:

      unbilical cord’s wrapped around
      my neck, I’m seeing my death
      and I ain’t even took my first step

  7. Matthew Simmons

      Counting syllables when your writing a haiku in English is probably mad pointless.

      And Jimmy Chen is gangster.

      UPDATE: HAH! You’re! Yes.

      Damn. I’m really fuckin’ it up today.

  8. Andrew


  9. Kent Tekulvy

      A notch below Rod McKuen

  10. drewkalbach

      you mean “you’re,” correct?


  11. Matthew Simmons

      Paraphrasing Public Enemy:

      Who gives a fuck about a God damn grammar!

  12. sam salvador


      got the cleanest mean-
      est penis you never seen
      this stroke of genius

  13. James Yeh

      way into this. good job. the first two especially. “wreck it buy a new one”

  14. TWS

      Thank you, Jimmy.

  15. brian burke

      this is fantastic

  16. stephen

      damn, i enjoyed this, jimmy. particularly “on suicide.”

  17. Guest

      ON LOVE

      you look so good
      i suck on your daddy’s dick
      i never felt that way in my life