May 9th, 2009 / 4:27 am
Contests

Tin House Giveaway and Sexy Stories

old-tin-houseIn a few hours, I’ll wake up and tour a handful of houses that my wife and I are thinking about seriously purchasing. We’re looking at a ‘move’ this summer, and I’m looking at my bookshelf and wondering how many books I’d like to carry around in big boxes and how many books I can afford to give away.

So it’s about time for another HTMLGIANT giveaway promo contest thing. What I’d like to do is offer four back issues of Tin House: the Winter Reading issue (30), the Evil issue (31), the Hot and Bothered issue (32), and the Fantastic Women issue (33). To be eligible, all you need to do is email HTMLGIANT your full name and mailing address by Noon CST on, let’s say, Tuesday the 12th. If you don’t hear from me afterwards, then that means the random integer generator did not favor you. But look out for more giveaways this summer, as I’ve got a shelf of books that I can’t pack up.

These four issues are pretty good. Highlights include Steve Almond’s essay “Condifreaks,” which is basically letters to Almond regarding his resigning from Boston University after the administration invited Condoleezza Rice to speak at graduation (he responds to them as well); an interview with a former member of the Manson Family; and, basically, the entire Fantastic Women issue, with stories by Aimee Bender, Miranda July, Kelly Link, Lydia Millet, etc.

I need to part with these issues, but wish to give them to someone who will enjoy them. So if you’re interested, please don’t hesitate.

Sexy writing after the jump.

Okay. So you’ve toured the magazine’s website to learn more about these particular back issues, and you want to get to the sexy stuff. I’d like to quote directly from one story in particular, a story called “List Item #10: The Motel Room” by Tara Ison, which appears in issue 30. It is a sexy story, perhaps, and it is a story that I sometimes remember for this speculum passage:

He rubbed at the steel, up and down, and he laughed then, it was like jerking off this stainless steel robot-cock, and she laughed too, they laughed together, and she eased her legs apart for him. And that was it, forget too clinical, he got hard for real, wanting to be there, but first thing first, he told himself. He lubed the speculum and slid it inside her, slowly, carefully, and he looked, deeper than he ever could before, past what he already knew by touch, taste, smell. She was saying labia minora, labia majora, and he was looking at crimson and smooth and damp, vestibule, anterior wall, posterior wall, at the wet garnet sheath of flesh, all alive, the oil of her a sort of pearly glaze, Bartholin’s glands, and the bone-pale knob at the back – cervix, she said, the fundus, feel that, it’s like the tip of a nose – and it was gorgeous, and she told him to slide two fingers in, put his other hand low on her stomach, he’d feel her ovaries, but he didn’t want to take his eyes off that long, rich conduit to inside her, this incredible journey to where he could see inside her so deep, he’d swear he could see far enough inside to get right through to her heart.

My questions are as follows: Is this sexy? Can anyone recommend other sexy stories? Is there some disagreement as to whether or not the above passage is sexy? Maybe it is just stupid? Or really fucking sexy? I’ve heard that Steve Almond writes sexy stories, but I’m wanting to read other sexy stories, stories that are sexy in weird ways. I have to admit that I’m just really into sexy stories these days, and can’t help myself, but I have no taste. What do people think?

Dirty comments encouraged; it’s the internet after all.

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56 Comments

  1. matthewsavoca

      i felt confused

  2. matthewsavoca

      i felt confused

  3. pr

      That is fucking beautiful. I go now to google Tara Ison. Thanks, Ryan.

  4. pr

      That is fucking beautiful. I go now to google Tara Ison. Thanks, Ryan.

  5. Ryan Call

      confused by the passage?

  6. Ryan Call

      confused by the passage?

  7. Ryan Call

      or the contest?

  8. Ryan Call

      the contest is pretty simple, i think.

  9. Ryan Call

      or the contest?

  10. Ryan Call

      the contest is pretty simple, i think.

  11. Ryan Call

      like all you ahve to do is email your maling address to be eligible.

  12. Ryan Call

      i think the passage isnt too confusing? like, there is this speculum. and a girl. and a guy. and he puts it inside of her.

  13. Ryan Call

      like all you ahve to do is email your maling address to be eligible.

  14. Ryan Call

      i think the passage isnt too confusing? like, there is this speculum. and a girl. and a guy. and he puts it inside of her.

  15. Ryan Call

      simple, right?

  16. Ryan Call

      simple, right?

  17. Ryan Call

      maybe i didnt explain the ‘backstory’

      maybe thats wahts causing confusion?

  18. Ryan Call

      maybe i didnt explain the ‘backstory’

      maybe thats wahts causing confusion?

  19. Ryan Call

      i feel like im adding ot more confusiogn here.

  20. Ryan Call

      i feel like im adding ot more confusiogn here.

  21. Ryan Call

      or not

  22. Ryan Call

      i mean, emailing is simple, most people can do that right?

  23. Ryan Call

      or not

  24. Ryan Call

      i mean, emailing is simple, most people can do that right?

  25. Ryan Call

      no?

  26. Ryan Call

      only 6 people ahve entered this contest.

  27. Ryan Call

      not all the way though. i mean, its just a speculum.

  28. Ryan Call

      no?

  29. Ryan Call

      only 6 people ahve entered this contest.

  30. Ryan Call

      not all the way though. i mean, its just a speculum.

  31. Ryan Call

      they have a pretty good chance to win

  32. Ryan Call

      maybe if you tried to explain a little bit more what you are confused about?

  33. Ryan Call

      they have a pretty good chance to win

  34. Ryan Call

      maybe if you tried to explain a little bit more what you are confused about?

  35. Ryan Call

      but how could you if you were confused?

  36. Ryan Call

      right

  37. Ryan Call

      that would require you to have a like self awareness of your confusion and why you were confused and waht caused the confusion and how that was confusing you

  38. Ryan Call

      but how could you if you were confused?

  39. Ryan Call

      right

  40. Ryan Call

      that would require you to have a like self awareness of your confusion and why you were confused and waht caused the confusion and how that was confusing you

  41. Ryan Call

      so maybe forget that suggestion

  42. Ryan Call

      so maybe forget that suggestion

  43. Ryan Call

      im going to stop now. sorry.

  44. Ryan Call

      im going to stop now. sorry.

  45. Ryan Call

      i lost contorl there for a second.

  46. Ryan Call

      i lost contorl there for a second.

  47. keith n b

      i much enjoyed your loss of control. like a near car-wreck that is thwarted by a chicken crossing the road and everyone goes ooohhhh and aahhhh and is filled with the soft light of their now transparent confusion whereby they ascend into nirvhana. yay…

  48. keith n b

      i much enjoyed your loss of control. like a near car-wreck that is thwarted by a chicken crossing the road and everyone goes ooohhhh and aahhhh and is filled with the soft light of their now transparent confusion whereby they ascend into nirvhana. yay…

  49. Jamie

      Yes. Sexy. But, you know, it’s all subjective anyway.

  50. Jamie

      Yes. Sexy. But, you know, it’s all subjective anyway.

  51. michael j

      I never got the return email that you promised Ryan. Why are you playing with my emotions Ryan? I email you my address to enter this contest and then nothing. Is this some sort of trick you play to get your jollies off Ryan? Huh, Ryan? Ryan. Ryan.

      … Call.

  52. michael j

      Ryan.

  53. michael j

      I never got the return email that you promised Ryan. Why are you playing with my emotions Ryan? I email you my address to enter this contest and then nothing. Is this some sort of trick you play to get your jollies off Ryan? Huh, Ryan? Ryan. Ryan.

      … Call.

  54. michael j

      Ryan.

  55. Ryan Call

      nojollies, man.

      the contest is still open until tuesdat at noon. there wil be no return emails unless you are randomly selected by the random integer generator.

  56. Ryan Call

      nojollies, man.

      the contest is still open until tuesdat at noon. there wil be no return emails unless you are randomly selected by the random integer generator.