Contests
WINNER of Dead Eye Dick Contest
Thank you everyone for entering HTMLGIANT’s Dead Eye Dick contest — such creative takes on Vonnegut’s drawing! Most memorable ones, for me, include Drew’s sunburnt nipple, Jake’s self-inflicted bullet wound, Clapper’s ear hair, cobweb’s entropy of vectors, Chris East’s surrogate swastika, Ben Brooks’ hilarious Sarah Jessica Parker, and Ronnie’s erased web of crosses; all of these are worthy of a prize, and have seriously delighted me — though Ben Blum takes the prize with his brilliant cunnilingus tongue technique, not just for its creativity, but the adroitly executed letter of proud dramatic indignation:
Dearest Marjorie, your repeated usage in letters to me of the words “short” and “powerful” is unnecessary, as these are widely understood to be the essential qualifications of a jockey, and I and half the neighborhood are well aware that that is the profession of the man you have run off with. I have nothing but respect for your decision. But in spite of myself, I think I would like you to know the kind of power growing in your own, abandoned home (although as yet I am no shorter), and it is with this aim in mind that I now dip my tongue in the fatmouthed collectible inkwell your mother bought me last month as consolation for your behavior and show what I can accomplish in one and one quarter seconds, to the benefit of countless women unknown to you:
Congratulations Ben, Dick Eye Dick will be mailed shortly after I receive your mailing address. To everyone who entered, you’ve all made my day. I am only sorry I only have one book to give away. It’s true, life is no way to treat an animal, so let’s all just pet each other, quietly.
Tags: Ben Blum
awesome! thanks, jimmy. i promise never again to write in stupid old timey voice. you can just throw this book in with the batch going to james, he and i live together.
awesome! thanks, jimmy. i promise never again to write in stupid old timey voice. you can just throw this book in with the batch going to james, he and i live together.
ps, i thought the other entries were rad.
ps, i thought the other entries were rad.
This was my favorite entry, but I read and enjoyed them all. Ben: I’m jealous of your fine words and your new possession.
This was my favorite entry, but I read and enjoyed them all. Ben: I’m jealous of your fine words and your new possession.
really funny. good work everyone.
really funny. good work everyone.
nah, the books going to james are from pr.
dead eye dick is with me, and i need your mailing address to send it.
good job, congrats again.
nah, the books going to james are from pr.
dead eye dick is with me, and i need your mailing address to send it.
good job, congrats again.
ah, ok. right. thanks again, so psyched for this book.
ah, ok. right. thanks again, so psyched for this book.
good job ben
good job ben
the uvver ben woz robbed
the uvver ben woz robbed
sorry
also
well done ben blum
i enjoyed your entry very much
sorry
also
well done ben blum
i enjoyed your entry very much
I love Crispin Best.
Well done Ben Blum.
I love Crispin Best.
Well done Ben Blum.
hmtl giant contest winners live here
hmtl giant contest winners live here
Great contest, Jim-Jim! Thanks!
Great contest, Jim-Jim! Thanks!
Sweet entry, Ben, and congrats. Thanks for running this, Jimmy. Was kickass to pretend to be Vonnegut for a while.
Sweet entry, Ben, and congrats. Thanks for running this, Jimmy. Was kickass to pretend to be Vonnegut for a while.