Excerpts
Literary Lessons from Metal Magazines: Goblin C*ck
This post is Not Safe For Work! Nor is it safe if you are a huge fan of Redbook Magazine. So, yeah. No need to read:
Tomorrow is my birthday. I lied when I said I was 41 a few weeks ago- I will be 41 tomorrow. I was saying it to get used to saying it. I’m drinking homemade, fresh lime margaritas and am upstate, where I will spend most of the summer. My neighbors here are all Republicans and say things like “we should burn all the mosques!” That’s OK, because I don’t really have to talk to them much. I’m just so happy not to be breathing the garbage infused stench of downtown Brooklyn that I’ll put up with retards!
Goblin Cock’s song “Big Up Your Willies” makes me happy on my birthday weekend. It has that disturbing bass thing going on where you feel like someone is pounding on the inside of your heart with a boulder. Nice. (Click her for their myspace page).
Goblin Cock makes me think of all things cock. We were in the car, cranking it (older son; “can I put this on my ipod?” me; “sure”, older son; “yeah! I’m going to update my facebook status with “there is a band called Goblin Cock” ; me “no you’re not, you’re facebook friends with your fourth grade teacher Mrs. Morris”), and I started thinking of the book Crazy Cock by Henry Miller, a book I read in manuscript form when I was a foriegn scout. I was a huge Henry Miller fan and was so thrilled to have the opportunity to read Crazy Cock. Three other women worked with me and I was worried that we would fight over the manuscript, but that did not happen. As my time there lengthened, I soon discovered that the other women were actually not interested in books, more or less, at all! And no one was a Henry Miller fan. Anyway, I loved it- it was an early manuscript that was published posthumously (I think, this was ages ago, I could be wrong) and whenever that happens, there’s some contraversy regarding whether or not Miller would have wanted it published, whether or not it was worthy of publication, and so forth. I think I later bought the book but I have no idea where anything is, of course. Here’s a link and and an excerpt:
Suddenly, without let or warning, a dynamo broke loose inside her. Every particle of her molten being was convulsed with shuddering raptures. Mottled words drugged her with venemous lust…She felt that in everything, sublime or ignoble, there was hidden a turbulent, a vital force, a significance and beauty which art, however glorious, was but a pale refection. “I want to live!” she muttered wildly. “I want to live!”
Then I started thinking about my cat Rafa’s (he’s named after the tennis player, Rafael Nadal) penis. He has been in the hospital these past few days because the poor thing had an “obstruction” and couldn’t pee. It can happen again, too. And if it does, they sometimes cut off the tip of the cat’s penis because that is the best way to widen the cat’s urethra. Or something like that. My poor Rafa!
This was him about 9 months ago. My kitty!
Which leads me to Rafael Nadal. Um, I’m trying for a literary connection here and all I can think of is “cock”. Um, David Foster Wallace loved tennis? Uh, he really liked Federer? I wonder what he would think about how Federer is now number 2 and Rafa is number 1. I wonder if he would resort to the same silliness ( and wrongness) that many people do in regard to Rafa’s game, and talk about his athleticism and how strong he is and so forth. I would hope not. I would hope that DFW would understand the genuis, the talent, of Rafa. I would love to sit around talking tennis with DFW. Really. The French Open starts tomorrow, on my birthday. I feel blessed. Rafa has won it four years in a row. That is a record. (I am 90 percent certain- sorry, second margarita kicked in.) And, yeah, I would gladly chop off my right pinky finger with a rusty knife for ONE NIGHT with Rafael Nadal. Sad, but true.
Tags: goblin c*ck, henry miller
holy shiite! happy almost-birthday!!
holy shiite! happy almost-birthday!!
Hi Ryan! Thanks for the bday wish!!!! And come on, Rafa Nadal? Nice pic right? I’ve watched him on the back courts practicing, talking Catalan with his uncle Tony. The man is special.
everything about this post rules. right on. goblin cock of the walk…
everything about this post rules. right on. goblin cock of the walk…
thanks for liking my post…thank you Aaron-
yes… nadal… um… yum or something ;)
yes… nadal… um… yum or something ;)
Ryan…is he gona win the French?
Ryan, you are so nice to me. I love that. You are nice to me. I really appreciate it…sp…
Nadal ——
This is a great post. Happy almost birthday. But Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time. And I think a lot of people who like Federer dislike Nadal. It’s the capris, maybe? He is too cocky. Too arrogant (he might be none of those things, again it could be the capris). Two years ago my parents hosted a French teenager who was really into tennis and Nadal was kind of like a joke there, apparently? Not a joke. But I think it is only girls who like Nadal in France. That’s what he seemed to be saying.
This is a bad comment. Nadal is a great tennis player. In any other era this would be his fourth year in first place. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything about him. I think I just need to watch him more. It’s hard to see Federer decline, even if he is still number 2. He is just not the kind of player that is supposed to struggle. It’s difficult for Federer fans.
This is a great post. Happy almost birthday. But Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time. And I think a lot of people who like Federer dislike Nadal. It’s the capris, maybe? He is too cocky. Too arrogant (he might be none of those things, again it could be the capris). Two years ago my parents hosted a French teenager who was really into tennis and Nadal was kind of like a joke there, apparently? Not a joke. But I think it is only girls who like Nadal in France. That’s what he seemed to be saying.
This is a bad comment. Nadal is a great tennis player. In any other era this would be his fourth year in first place. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything about him. I think I just need to watch him more. It’s hard to see Federer decline, even if he is still number 2. He is just not the kind of player that is supposed to struggle. It’s difficult for Federer fans.
pr,
he’s so totally going to win… if you want him to. if you want someone else to, i totally think they will!
pr,
he’s so totally going to win… if you want him to. if you want someone else to, i totally think they will!
haha! God bless you. I’m not sure what I want. I’m confused. I do know that I plan on watching so much tennis these next two weeks that it could be considered a mental illness by some doctors. I think I want Rafa to win. But I also love a lot of the other players.
I’m hungover. It’s a beautiful day.
haha! God bless you. I’m not sure what I want. I’m confused. I do know that I plan on watching so much tennis these next two weeks that it could be considered a mental illness by some doctors. I think I want Rafa to win. But I also love a lot of the other players.
I’m hungover. It’s a beautiful day.
no matter what the doctors say, i’ll always counter them and reassure you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY for realz
no matter what the doctors say, i’ll always counter them and reassure you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY for realz
geminis rule, and thanks for reminding me that the french open starts today… i think,… damn it why isn’t it on tv now….i think i’ve seen that goblin cock album cover a dozen times and just now noticed the cock. weird. i remember when crazy cock came out, i’m guessing like ’93 or ’94
geminis rule, and thanks for reminding me that the french open starts today… i think,… damn it why isn’t it on tv now….i think i’ve seen that goblin cock album cover a dozen times and just now noticed the cock. weird. i remember when crazy cock came out, i’m guessing like ’93 or ’94
It’s really early in the day on the tennis channel….i dvr it rather than wake at 5am….
I didn’t notice the cock the first time. I really love the record…it’s fucking great.
Here’s a neat little Henry Miller bio-
http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/hmiller.htm
It says Crazy Cock was published in 91..so yeah, early nineties.
you should do a post on Summoning and their Tolkien-fetishism. They wrote a song in the Black Speech of Mordor.
you should do a post on Summoning and their Tolkien-fetishism. They wrote a song in the Black Speech of Mordor.
oh man, just looked into them. Thanks so much for telling me about them! I love the Kant quote on anus.com.
Ross – thanks.
I love this post. The only part that concerned me is that I misread one sentence as:
My neighbors here are all Republicans and say things like “we should burn all the mosquitoes!”
And I thought, “Well, hell. Those Republicans are right about ONE thing anyway.”
I love this post. The only part that concerned me is that I misread one sentence as:
My neighbors here are all Republicans and say things like “we should burn all the mosquitoes!”
And I thought, “Well, hell. Those Republicans are right about ONE thing anyway.”
haha-
I am not a fan of mosquitos either.
I was a bit in my cups when I wrote that. But yeah, my house upstate involves neighbors who I don’t actually hate, but I don’t get them- because humans in general are just humans- but the man who mows my lawn is a 70 yr old ex- fireman from Middletown NY and he said to me- “we should burn all the mosques and get rid of the Arabs and bring in more Mexicans.” He was sitting at my kitchen table, saying that. And I just go “Oh.” He thinks Mexicans are OK. I could go on. But the great thing about being up there is I am in the middle of nowhere and it is beautiful. Really. Also, my lawn guy? He’s had two heart attacks, three strokes, triple bypass surgery… i just let him talk. He had his last stroke recently and I was worried about him mowing my lawn and his wife told me- “He loves sitting on his mower”. Then she said, “I watch him, and if he starts sliding off, I push him back up.” And honestly? If you take away his sitting on the mower, he’ll probably die. It’s his joy. So knowing that makes me feel less exploitative, because he’s cheap as hell. He really really loves it.
haha-
I am not a fan of mosquitos either.
I was a bit in my cups when I wrote that. But yeah, my house upstate involves neighbors who I don’t actually hate, but I don’t get them- because humans in general are just humans- but the man who mows my lawn is a 70 yr old ex- fireman from Middletown NY and he said to me- “we should burn all the mosques and get rid of the Arabs and bring in more Mexicans.” He was sitting at my kitchen table, saying that. And I just go “Oh.” He thinks Mexicans are OK. I could go on. But the great thing about being up there is I am in the middle of nowhere and it is beautiful. Really. Also, my lawn guy? He’s had two heart attacks, three strokes, triple bypass surgery… i just let him talk. He had his last stroke recently and I was worried about him mowing my lawn and his wife told me- “He loves sitting on his mower”. Then she said, “I watch him, and if he starts sliding off, I push him back up.” And honestly? If you take away his sitting on the mower, he’ll probably die. It’s his joy. So knowing that makes me feel less exploitative, because he’s cheap as hell. He really really loves it.
God help me, I started cracking up on “I watch him, and if he starts sliding off, I push him back up.”
God help me, I started cracking up on “I watch him, and if he starts sliding off, I push him back up.”
But I had to sit there and not laugh! They are not bad people, even if they want to burn mosques and bring in Mexicans or whatever. But man, being old sucks.
But I had to sit there and not laugh! They are not bad people, even if they want to burn mosques and bring in Mexicans or whatever. But man, being old sucks.