August 31st, 2010 / 4:30 pm
Random

Folks at Google are probably not giving us a hint with “ex pat,” short for expatriate, but I wish they were. Yes, the example provided is of Pat, or Patrick, who, like most of us, want to venture off east- or west-ward over seas to more exotic places — as critique of America, or simply for better food — but simply stayed, for a mortgage, career, relationship, or other thing one is supposed to have. The big bros Google and Facebook know your IP location at all times, and should those vectors point to your office, living room, or bedroom, then let’s say it’s not your fault, but the fault of this internet who re-wired us into thinking that 4 hrs offline is some venture into dark mysterious non-connected places. A text that isn’t answered in 5 minutes is symbolic dust in the shape of a middle finger. True, the expatriate wouldn’t be so free were it not for ongoing travel logistics one attends to over email, but the inadvertent “ex pat” username is a good reminder of the tethers to which we are bound by carpal tunnelled wrists. I went canoeing yesterday with co-workers who were freaking out because they hadn’t checked their email in over 4 hours; some of us flipped, our cell phones and wallets floating down stream in neurotically sealed zip-lock bags. We came across a deer carcass who, from the degree of its decomposition, hadn’t checked its email in like 14 days. Holy shit, the river went.

20 Comments

  1. Jordan

      Do you, like, own the internet? Amazing non-stop goodies. For free.

  2. bro

      fist first

  3. Sean

      This is sorta awesome

  4. ZZZZIPP

      NO IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO YUNG_BUCK3YR ??? ZZZZZIPP DOESN’T BELIEVE IT

  5. Jordan

      Do you, like, own the internet? Amazing non-stop goodies. For free.

  6. bro

      fist first

  7. Sean

      This is sorta awesome

  8. ZZZZIPP

      NO IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO YUNG_BUCK3YR ??? ZZZZZIPP DOESN’T BELIEVE IT

  9. Khakjaan Wessington

      Good one. Liked the foreshadowing w/ the examination of ‘ex’ in the opening.

      I take back everything bad I ever said about you. I shall drink old, sour-mashed & decomposed crow in your honor.

  10. James Yeh

      Also “Patricia.”

  11. zusya

      if only “tinct” was a name.

  12. Khakjaan Wessington

      Good one. Liked the foreshadowing w/ the examination of ‘ex’ in the opening.

      I take back everything bad I ever said about you. I shall drink old, sour-mashed & decomposed crow in your honor.

  13. James Yeh

      Also “Patricia.”

  14. Ani Smith

      holy shit, the river went is a killer line, jimmy, well done.

  15. Waller

      “A text that isn’t answered in 5 minutes is symbolic dust in the shape of a middle finger.”

      Great line. This would’ve been better if you had included some photos of Harold Bloom.

  16. Ani Smith

      holy shit, the river went is a killer line, jimmy, well done.

  17. Waller

      “A text that isn’t answered in 5 minutes is symbolic dust in the shape of a middle finger.”

      Great line. This would’ve been better if you had included some photos of Harold Bloom.

  18. Ken Baumann

      I agree. Thanks, Jimmy.

  19. Ken Baumann

      I agree. Thanks, Jimmy.

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