December 15th, 2010 / 6:14 am
Random
Nick Antosca
Random
RACCOONS
Tonight I was at the house of a friend whose house I’d never been to before and there was a noise in the back yard, and my friend said, “Want to meet the raccoons?” So we went to the back yard.
They were watching and waiting for food
They were like fat prairie dogs wearing mascara. (“With little people-hands,” you probably just thought to yourself.)
Their numbers grew.
the teddy bears having their picnic
They seemed friendly. We threw them food.
polite swarm
If they were to turn against me, I’d be afraid.
the formation
I feel curiously invigorated.
Tags: raccoons
Holy hell
I once saw this episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos where this woman went on her back patio and threw some food or something and this raccoon came out, and then another raccoon, and then another, and I kept thinking it was the last raccoon but then finally there were like 30 raccoons, like an ocean of raccoons, or maybe a small pond of raccoons.
tonight there’s a mouse in a glue trap in my closet and I can hear it trying to get out. it takes breaks for a while, just lays on its back on the trap, and then it starts up again.
things.
http://sporkpress.com/weeklies/prose/archives/00000059.html
The raccoon was fond of being dandled by strangers, but only to a point. After that point he voided his bladder. He chose one of the two identical chests and voided upon it. The twins, unfazed, accustomed to the foibles of small mammals, handed the mammal back to its adoptive parent.
That’s right, at 8:29 PM, clever motherfuckers.
I actually did have a close encounter once with a skunk that came in at around 7 PM. I froze, slowly turned, exited, closed the laundry room door, and stood completely still for a very long time, listening. Thank god my dogs were upstairs being couch potatoes, otherwise all-stinky-hell would have broken loose.
Homie, save the mouse. Are you not alive?
This is precisely why I lock the doggie door by 8:30 every evening.
i like the first picture. once had a rabid raccoon in our backyard in mississippi. they usually seem fairly good-natured and calm and it made me sad. i have never seen this many. after the rabid raccoon, there was a rabid cat in our yard. both our dogs were out that time and they had the cat kind of cornered and were sort of circling it and barking viciously. my wife and i saw this out the window: the cat all foamy and what looked like blood in its eyes and it was kind of moving strangely, paralytically. i remember being in my boxers only and my wife and i running out and jumping our fence and tackling our dogs to keep them away and then hiding inside while the cat made alien noises.
So Grey Gardens of you Nick.
i think, generally, the point of setting a mouse trap is to kill the mouse, so probably the better option would be to stomp on the mouse’s head or something so it no longer has to suffer. ‘saving’ the mouse would seem counter productive.
i just looked it up on PETA’s website. It says you can pour a little cooking oil or baby oil on the stuck areas and gently work the mouse free.
of course set it free outside of your home.
http://sporkpress.com/weeklies/prose/archives/00000059.html
The raccoon was fond of being dandled by strangers, but only to a point. After that point he voided his bladder. He chose one of the two identical chests and voided upon it. The twins, unfazed, accustomed to the foibles of small mammals, handed the mammal back to its adoptive parent.
They’re still gonna get in.
That’s right, at 8:29 PM, clever motherfuckers.
I actually did have a close encounter once with a skunk that came in at around 7 PM. I froze, slowly turned, exited, closed the laundry room door, and stood completely still for a very long time, listening. Thank god my dogs were upstairs being couch potatoes, otherwise all-stinky-hell would have broken loose.
racoons are the only animals besides humans who will smoke cigarettes. if they find a lit one, they will take a few puffs.
Reminds me of the people being friendly with the semi-domesticated foxes that eat kitchen scraps up at Breadloaf. That is to say, it reminds me not to feed the animals.
dont forget monkeys. chain smoking monkeys
dont forget monkeys. chain smoking monkeys
MJ will remember that the next time he finds you stuck in a glue trap.
Anyway, Trey: Isn’t the point of a glue trap to keep the mouse alive, not let it starve to death in a prolonged state of fear?
Far, far away from your home. Otherwise it just comes back.
I don’t think so owen, they seem fairly lethal. it hasn’t starved though, the old pizza crust I used to bait the trap is like 3 times as big as the mouse. I generally have no morals, but I suppose I have been somewhat swayed by the sympathy for the mouse here. perhaps I’ll set it free.
I grew up with two raccoons for house pets for about a year a piece.
dont forget monkeys. chain smoking monkeys
One of my neighbors mentioned catching a mouse a few days ago. He proudly said that he took the caught mouse to the next town over to release it. I asked him if he felt like a old timey western sheriff when he did that. He looked at his shoes and meekly said, “Yes.”