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Jack Kerouac was either stoned or zenned out when he wrote the entire manuscript of On the Road without paragraph breaks on a scroll (how he fed this through his typewriter still confuses me). Stream of consciousness is a nice conceit, one deserving to be hosted on a scroll, as long as toilet paper — the most imperative scroll of modern time — isn’t evoked. I remember reading a 1/4 way into On the Road and thinking “where is he going?” Dharma Bums was much better, especially for people in their late twenties who are living with their parents, a plight shared by the narrator.
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Robert Rauschenberg’s Automobile Tire Print (1953) is a 100-ft. print of, um, a tire. He created it with John Cage, who no doubt was mumbling 4’3″ to himself while driving the car. In museums it’s displayed horizontally, mostly in part due to ceiling clearances probably, though this strikes me as a “western” way of seeing things: we read and write from left to right, and stuck on this earth without notions of above, we walk and drive horizontally. Rauschenberg is a more playful and earnest Warhol; his tire print traces the volition of our time — driving nowhere, from left to right.
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I don’t know much about the Torah, except that it’s rules of Judaism. I don’t understand why Jews are the only white people who aren’t white; what the hell happened? I once looked up a list of common Jewish surnames and was like “holy shit I know a lot of Jews!” even including girls I had crushes on. I recently learned that Jews only date Jews; where was wikipedia when I was 17?
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Okay, let’s talk about Asians. I feel like I can freely talk about Asians because I am. Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right. I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways. If you take a Chinese character written in calligraphy and zoom in, it looks like a Franz Kline. (I had a Greek friend who would argue with me about who invented what first, the Greeks or the Chinese. Stupid ass dunno that Gorillas invented everything.) Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart. The heart looks like a heart; the knife a knife. And the character for “good”? A mother next to her child. I will admit the alphabet is more useful, but Chinese breaks my heart.
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HTMLGIANT contributors have been instructed to insert “READ MORE >” breaks within a 1/3 of screen space out of consideration for the other posts; thus, a sort of “politics of page breaks,” where the longer it takes for a contributor to place a break, the more selfish he or she is deemed. It’s funny how so much time later, devoid of past sacred ties, we use the word “scroll” to describe the act of descending deep and deeper into a website page. Most mouse’s have a “scroll wheel” to help with our profane endeavors. My finger often gets so tired, running across the wheel blindly like a hairless guinea pig. If you’ve made it this far, I think you know what I mean. I worry about this post, for hogging so much “front page,” but I hope you understand the vertiginous verticality of this post is simply in aid to the point offered by its title.
Damn… Good stuff, Jimmy!
Damn… Good stuff, Jimmy!
> stoned or zenned
Benzedrined… like bedazzled but with extra zen
> stoned or zenned
Benzedrined… like bedazzled but with extra zen
You have perfected the art of the entertaining and enlightening blog post, Jimmy.
You have perfected the art of the entertaining and enlightening blog post, Jimmy.
My father was also quite pleased I did not marry another Jew. Ever see “The Jazz Singer”?
My father was also quite pleased I did not marry another Jew. Ever see “The Jazz Singer”?
That’s because not all Jews are white (although the majority of the ones in America are). Go back far enough, many are from Israel, that place in the Middle East. And the Torah is also known as the neglected half of the Bible called the Old Testament. Of course there are also lots of other Jewish scrolls with other Jewish stuff on them.
I think you are being facetious, and yet, for the readers…I feel compelled to provide.
That’s because not all Jews are white (although the majority of the ones in America are). Go back far enough, many are from Israel, that place in the Middle East. And the Torah is also known as the neglected half of the Bible called the Old Testament. Of course there are also lots of other Jewish scrolls with other Jewish stuff on them.
I think you are being facetious, and yet, for the readers…I feel compelled to provide.
jews…
jews…
“I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways.”
And yet–chopsticks.
“I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways.”
And yet–chopsticks.
thanks Lee
thanks Lee
didn’t mean to say “all jews are white,” but that “all white jews are not white.” sorry for the mix up, and yah, a little facetious
didn’t mean to say “all jews are white,” but that “all white jews are not white.” sorry for the mix up, and yah, a little facetious
chopsticks can do what a knife, fork, and (if you’re quick enough) a spoon can do. they also act as skewers and tongs. all chinese people need to cook and eat is a cleaver and a pair of chopsticks
chopsticks can do what a knife, fork, and (if you’re quick enough) a spoon can do. they also act as skewers and tongs. all chinese people need to cook and eat is a cleaver and a pair of chopsticks
Re Jews: My mother was adopted and her bio parents were European immigrants or something. I’ve occasionally fantasized about them being Jewish and me discovering the fact that I’m half-Jewish through one of those internet ‘genealogical DNA’ tests. Jews may be white but at least have a positive ethnic identity. I’d even settle for being a ‘redneck.’ (I missed being a ‘redneck’/’cracker’ by a few generations.) Rural/working-class white people seem to have a more ‘authentic’ ethnic identity than suburban/middle-class white people. I’m kind of jealous of my friends who grew up in small towns.
Re “Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart.”: That’s beautiful. Ha. I love that.
Re Jews: My mother was adopted and her bio parents were European immigrants or something. I’ve occasionally fantasized about them being Jewish and me discovering the fact that I’m half-Jewish through one of those internet ‘genealogical DNA’ tests. Jews may be white but at least have a positive ethnic identity. I’d even settle for being a ‘redneck.’ (I missed being a ‘redneck’/’cracker’ by a few generations.) Rural/working-class white people seem to have a more ‘authentic’ ethnic identity than suburban/middle-class white people. I’m kind of jealous of my friends who grew up in small towns.
Re “Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart.”: That’s beautiful. Ha. I love that.
i think chopsticks are like manual transmissions. once you get used to them, you have much more control.
i think chopsticks are like manual transmissions. once you get used to them, you have much more control.
I like using chopsticks but they are totally illogical. They are like the only utensils in which the food has to be entirely designed around them.
A knife/fork/spoon can basically work on any food at all. Cuisines that use chopsticks have to have the cooks use the knives and forks to cut everything in to small pieces that can be picked up with a chopstick and then other food has to be prepared in a way so that it clumps together (like sticky rice) or is a mushy consistency that can be broken easily but still stick together somewhat.
Any Asian dish can be eaten (often more effectively) with a knife and fork. But no one is gonna be eating a big porterhouse and a baked potato with chopsticks.
Sorry Jimmy, totally illogical cutlery.
I like using chopsticks but they are totally illogical. They are like the only utensils in which the food has to be entirely designed around them.
A knife/fork/spoon can basically work on any food at all. Cuisines that use chopsticks have to have the cooks use the knives and forks to cut everything in to small pieces that can be picked up with a chopstick and then other food has to be prepared in a way so that it clumps together (like sticky rice) or is a mushy consistency that can be broken easily but still stick together somewhat.
Any Asian dish can be eaten (often more effectively) with a knife and fork. But no one is gonna be eating a big porterhouse and a baked potato with chopsticks.
Sorry Jimmy, totally illogical cutlery.
This has nothing to do with the awesomeness of this post, but I heard Kerouc just taped the pages together afterwards.
Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right.
Sorry, I’m in an argumentative mood. What is your rationale behind this? Humans, stretching back through history, have always existed in environments where the threats come from the sides, on a more or less horizontal plane, and not from above or below. I would think the human neck moves much easier side to side! Walking around swinging yoru head to look for things coming from both directions is something you do everyday. Walking around and looking up and down (say some tourist in New York) hurts your neck and is is kinda disorienting. Ever been to a metal show? Head banging fucks your neck up for days. Or maybe I”m just and old man.
This has nothing to do with the awesomeness of this post, but I heard Kerouc just taped the pages together afterwards.
Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right.
Sorry, I’m in an argumentative mood. What is your rationale behind this? Humans, stretching back through history, have always existed in environments where the threats come from the sides, on a more or less horizontal plane, and not from above or below. I would think the human neck moves much easier side to side! Walking around swinging yoru head to look for things coming from both directions is something you do everyday. Walking around and looking up and down (say some tourist in New York) hurts your neck and is is kinda disorienting. Ever been to a metal show? Head banging fucks your neck up for days. Or maybe I”m just and old man.
Seconded!
Seconded!
I enjoyed the post though!
I enjoyed the post though!
Another kick ass Chen post.
Another kick ass Chen post.
first off, i can’t believe we’re talking about chopsticks.
but, a lot of it has to do with distance from food to mouth. with a plate and knife/fork/spoon, one has to bring the food up to their mouth; they waste a lot time traversing that distance. with chinese food, the person brings the bowl of rice (with food in it) directly to their mouth, and “shovels” the food into their face, using a similar motion of one whipping eggs. (no etiquette, it’s pure survival instinct). no time is wasted switching from knife to fork to spoon, light conversation, or traversing from table to face. put simply, a chinese person can eat at ~3x the rate of a westerner. and this is in large part due to chopsticks and a history of starvation.
first off, i can’t believe we’re talking about chopsticks.
but, a lot of it has to do with distance from food to mouth. with a plate and knife/fork/spoon, one has to bring the food up to their mouth; they waste a lot time traversing that distance. with chinese food, the person brings the bowl of rice (with food in it) directly to their mouth, and “shovels” the food into their face, using a similar motion of one whipping eggs. (no etiquette, it’s pure survival instinct). no time is wasted switching from knife to fork to spoon, light conversation, or traversing from table to face. put simply, a chinese person can eat at ~3x the rate of a westerner. and this is in large part due to chopsticks and a history of starvation.
Fair point, but I might submit you could shovel food effectively with a fork too and other cuisines that use chopsticks, like japanese food, don’t have the shovel protocol.
Fair point, but I might submit you could shovel food effectively with a fork too and other cuisines that use chopsticks, like japanese food, don’t have the shovel protocol.
you’re introducing darwinism into this, words are not predators. i guess, for me, it’s just easier to nod ‘yes’ than shake ‘no.’ if people headbanged from left to right, they would paralyze themselves.
you’re introducing darwinism into this, words are not predators. i guess, for me, it’s just easier to nod ‘yes’ than shake ‘no.’ if people headbanged from left to right, they would paralyze themselves.
when shoveling with a fork, the metal is prone to scrape one’s teeth, causing a bitter metallic shrill taste. that is why chopsticks are wooden, at least ‘real’ chopsticks. as for the japanese, they do everything differently.
when shoveling with a fork, the metal is prone to scrape one’s teeth, causing a bitter metallic shrill taste. that is why chopsticks are wooden, at least ‘real’ chopsticks. as for the japanese, they do everything differently.
I rock out left to right! I think lots of people do. Head banging is just for the hair flying effect.
I rock out left to right! I think lots of people do. Head banging is just for the hair flying effect.
I’m eating spaghetti right now with chopsticks. works well.
vietnamese wife — what can you do
she won’t change my mind on durian.
I’m eating spaghetti right now with chopsticks. works well.
vietnamese wife — what can you do
she won’t change my mind on durian.
well put. also, I just feel much cooler when I use chopsticks.
well put. also, I just feel much cooler when I use chopsticks.
sporks are better than everything
sporks are better than everything
pterodactyls.
pterodactyls.
this was fantastic, jimmy, thanks
this was fantastic, jimmy, thanks
Really good post, Jimmy. In formative years I thoroughly imitated Kerouac and ran old-school computer paper through the typewriter, my own little pseudo-infinity. Did anyone else do this? I had no idea I was tapping into my Jewish heritage at the same time. Seeing On the Road on display in Lowell, Kerouac’s hometown, a couple of years ago in the long format was pretty dramatic. An utterly different experience from flipping the pages of a book. Sort of like the contemporary equivalent of following one of those medieval tapestries like the Bayeux, which wraps around a room and then some to tell its story. Felt almost like you could hitchhike along it.
Really good post, Jimmy. In formative years I thoroughly imitated Kerouac and ran old-school computer paper through the typewriter, my own little pseudo-infinity. Did anyone else do this? I had no idea I was tapping into my Jewish heritage at the same time. Seeing On the Road on display in Lowell, Kerouac’s hometown, a couple of years ago in the long format was pretty dramatic. An utterly different experience from flipping the pages of a book. Sort of like the contemporary equivalent of following one of those medieval tapestries like the Bayeux, which wraps around a room and then some to tell its story. Felt almost like you could hitchhike along it.
NO GIAN, HE TAPED THEM TOGETHER AS HE WENT? IN ADVANCE. THAT’S WHAT ZZZZIPP HEARD
NO GIAN, HE TAPED THEM TOGETHER AS HE WENT? IN ADVANCE. THAT’S WHAT ZZZZIPP HEARD
Oh, because everyone likes to be a minority. Makes you feel special and different inside.
Oh, because everyone likes to be a minority. Makes you feel special and different inside.
Jews are awesome – I am not Jewish, this happiness is not mine.
Chopsticks make great table drumsticks after dinner, before dessert.
i don’t move my head left to right when I read – I move my eyes. Left-right up, down. I move my eyes.
Kerouac taped a lot of paper together beforehand and didn’t do anything that felt like stopping to him while typing except to get drunk, hitchhike and various things while not writing. He also write the book front to back 7 times in roll form.
Asians are also awesome – I am not Asian, this happiness is not mine.
people can also break their neck headbanging and I wish more would.
Jews are awesome – I am not Jewish, this happiness is not mine.
Chopsticks make great table drumsticks after dinner, before dessert.
i don’t move my head left to right when I read – I move my eyes. Left-right up, down. I move my eyes.
Kerouac taped a lot of paper together beforehand and didn’t do anything that felt like stopping to him while typing except to get drunk, hitchhike and various things while not writing. He also write the book front to back 7 times in roll form.
Asians are also awesome – I am not Asian, this happiness is not mine.
people can also break their neck headbanging and I wish more would.