Don’t: A Manual of Mistakes & Improprieties more of less prevalent in Conduct and Speech, by “Censor,” real name Oliver Bell Bunce (1st ed. D. Appleton & Company, New York, 1884) is a little known book full of hilarious advice, offered in earnest, for both ladies and gentlemen of refined sensibilities. Here Oliver beseeches us regarding spitting.
Don’t expectorate. Men in good health do not need to expectorate; with them continual expectoration is simply the result of habit. Men with bronchial or lung diseases are compelled to expectorate, but no one should discharge matter of the kind in public places except into vessels provided to receive it. Spitting upon the floor anywhere is inexcusable. One should not even spit upon the sidewalk, but go to the gutter for the purpose. One must not spit into the fire-place nor upon the carpet, and hence the English rule is for him to spit in his handkerchief — but this is not a pleasant alternative. On some occasions no other may offer.
Expectorate is a fancy way of saying hacking up phlegm (I only know this because I drink Robitussin Expectorant when I’m out of booze). Don’t use fancy words in place of common ones, I could say, but I did just use beseech. He has a thing with opening one’s mouth, even if nothing comes out:
Don’t have the habit of letting your lip drop and your mouth remain open. “Shut your mouth,” is the advice of a savant, who has written a book on the subject. Breathe through your nostrils and not through your mouth; sleep with your mouth closed; keep it closed except when you open it for a purpose. An open mouth indicates feebleness of character, while the habit affects the teeth and the general health.
Here is a well-mannered man with all the right tact and absolutely no friends. One can gather how he wrote the book: bent over a table, his narrow cursive fueled with indignation. I love how he obliquely invokes himself in the third person. Andy Rooney has met his match in the complaint dept. Just when I thought I’d found my dream roommate, Oliver goes on to say “Don’t drink too much wine.” Okay sir, but would you believe me if I said I feel a cough coming?
Tags: Oliver Bell Bunce
From Galateo, by Della Casa, 1558:
” Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if pearls and rubies might have falled out of your head. ”
source: http://www.massey.ac.nz/~alock/webdck/snot.htm
The two examples you give are carefully worded and totally reasonable. Expectoration is also just spitting. It’s not a “fancy” word, it just isn’t vulgar. Do you get up from the table and announce to everyone that you have to “go pee”? Probably.
hi leeds, where is your anger coming from? i posted a neutral post about something i felt was funny. and then you say that i say i ‘go pee.’ why do you feel the need to ‘rip apart’ my post or ‘up one’ me? in chinese ‘go pee’ is ‘shao bien’ which means ‘small expulsion’ and ‘take a shit’ is ‘da bien’ which means ‘big expulsion’ so fuck off leeds
I like “Big Expulsion Head!” as a parting shot in traffic disputes
Definitely a steal at one shilling. And I bet the same dude, or his kin, had something to do with the name of this product: http://tiny.cc/mixlh.
David Huddleston as The Big Lebowski:
“I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?”
O man I do hate me some expectoration.
While these Don’ts might be a big priggish and often self-serving, the attitudes behind them are actually good. Wouldn’t it be a nicer world if everyone had the mentality that spitting on the sidewalk is rude and impolite because it might make someone else step in your expectorant?
hahahaha!
From Galateo, by Della Casa, 1558:
” Nor is it seemly, after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief and peer into it as if pearls and rubies might have falled out of your head. ”
source: http://www.massey.ac.nz/~alock/webdck/snot.htm
the time’s they are a-changing.
The two examples you give are carefully worded and totally reasonable. Expectoration is also just spitting. It’s not a “fancy” word, it just isn’t vulgar. Do you get up from the table and announce to everyone that you have to “go pee”? Probably.
hi leeds, where is your anger coming from? i posted a neutral post about something i felt was funny. and then you say that i say i ‘go pee.’ why do you feel the need to ‘rip apart’ my post or ‘up one’ me? in chinese ‘go pee’ is ‘shao bien’ which means ‘small expulsion’ and ‘take a shit’ is ‘da bien’ which means ‘big expulsion’ so fuck off leeds
I say ‘I have to go blast some piss out of my cock’, but I’m quite manly, so…
I like “Big Expulsion Head!” as a parting shot in traffic disputes
Definitely a steal at one shilling. And I bet the same dude, or his kin, had something to do with the name of this product: http://tiny.cc/mixlh.
David Huddleston as The Big Lebowski:
“I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?”
O man I do hate me some expectoration.
“Spitting” and “coughing” don’t seem like “vulgar” words to me. They seem neutral/normal. It seems like only doctors would say “expectorate.”
I think saying “pee” sounds silly. It’s like what a 6-year-old would say. I dunno. The verb “to pee” is a euphemism/abbreviation for “to piss,” which comes from French but is actually “of imitative origin.” That seems cute.
THE TYPESETTING IS BEAUTIFUL.
While these Don’ts might be a big priggish and often self-serving, the attitudes behind them are actually good. Wouldn’t it be a nicer world if everyone had the mentality that spitting on the sidewalk is rude and impolite because it might make someone else step in your expectorant?
hahahaha!
the time’s they are a-changing.
I say ‘I have to go blast some piss out of my cock’, but I’m quite manly, so…
“Spitting” and “coughing” don’t seem like “vulgar” words to me. They seem neutral/normal. It seems like only doctors would say “expectorate.”
I think saying “pee” sounds silly. It’s like what a 6-year-old would say. I dunno. The verb “to pee” is a euphemism/abbreviation for “to piss,” which comes from French but is actually “of imitative origin.” That seems cute.
“Vulgar” isn’t always synonymous with “offensive.” Depending on just how elite you want to make yourself seem, it can mean “common.”
Well, people could just spit in the street, though hopefully not on crosswalks. Then only jaywalkers will step in your spit and it’ll serve them right, too!
THE TYPESETTING IS BEAUTIFUL.
“Vulgar” isn’t always synonymous with “offensive.” Depending on just how elite you want to make yourself seem, it can mean “common.”
Well, people could just spit in the street, though hopefully not on crosswalks. Then only jaywalkers will step in your spit and it’ll serve them right, too!
Yeah it is. Damn.
Hi Jimmy Chen, where is your anger coming from? My comment was every bit as neutral as your post (do you know what neutral means, Jimmy Chen?).
Your response to my comment displayed a little wit.
About as witty as your response to the poet who pointed out that your journal included no women in its second issue. It would have been easy to dismiss her criticism, but instead you chose to respond violently, undermining any legitimate points you may have made.
Jimmy Chen, are you cool?
tru dat
Yeah it is. Damn.
Hi Jimmy Chen, where is your anger coming from? My comment was every bit as neutral as your post (do you know what neutral means, Jimmy Chen?).
Your response to my comment displayed a little wit.
About as witty as your response to the poet who pointed out that your journal included no women in its second issue. It would have been easy to dismiss her criticism, but instead you chose to respond violently, undermining any legitimate points you may have made.
Jimmy Chen, are you cool?
tru dat