4 Comments

1. March 31st, 2011 / 5:36 am ZZZZZIPPP—

   THERE IS NO BETTER BASKETBALL BLOGGER

2. March 31st, 2011 / 1:55 pm Frank Tas, the Raptor—

   Shit, baseball would be a lot more exciting if more time was spent arresting the players than covering the games.

3. March 31st, 2011 / 2:24 pm letters journal—

   This lab guy up now has a real radio voice. Smooth like sizzurp. Also he kind of looks like Rivers Cuomo.

4. March 31st, 2011 / 4:12 pm Anonymous—

   I want someone to tell me whether heads can grow on their own.

   I am having trouble not LOLing at this. “Were there some people on the Giants who had considerably larger head sizes?”

   There is someone sitting a row in front of me using binoculars. I should add that I am about 15 feet from the stand.

   btw it was the sketch artist using binoculars. I am such an amateur. There is no one with a fanny pack and a monocle.

   What exactly is the common Latin root of “testimony” and “testicles”? Is there a conspiracy going on here?

   Now there is some disagreement over dates. Also, that Power Point SUCKED.

   Bonds said “Damn girl, you’re fine.” BB smiled at that

   “I got it, you were hurt … but were you angry?” I can’t wait till they have computers to live our lives so they can serve as witnesses.

   OBJECTION: An email can’t really catch on fire, so it is not incendiary!

   “Would you call it ‘an email from an angry person’?” Great book title. Thanks!

   Email about Starbucks gift card read out loud. BURN IT UP ON TRIPLE LATTES. That was really said.

   I didn’t know BALCO was an acronym. Though it was a name, like Balki, or a falcon with the mouth of a whale.

   I know this stuff is very important to the case but I am now just picturing an ocean of piss that will destroy us all.

   Can I call this place SF and not SFO? I really can’t spare the extra character.

   Sample says “estrogen”. I heard some giggles.

   I know our legal system treats all men equally, but is the question “do you recognize Mr. Bonds in this court room” really necessary?

   Old people must really like testifying. These careful, exhaustive, repetitive explanations are like something you’d hear at Thanksgiving.

   “You would have to observe the urine coming from the player”.That is a really weird way of putting. Does it run out of their eyes sometimes?

   I wonder if the players have a name for the 360 turn they have to do so the sample collector can see there’s nothing funny going on.

   There is a huge box on the prosecution table with “LOST Paradise” written on it in big black letters. What’s that all about?

   After all that, I passed Bonds in the hall. I’m guessing he was going to take a piss. That must have been weird for him.

   “So you split the sample, and sealed the vials…” This testimony is like the Clipse of urine sample processing.

   When Conte said he didn’t believe steroids were fair b/c his son is in the minor leagues, Bonds offered advice on dealing with impotence.

   Odds that the Giambi Brothers enter on matching ATVs?

   Ruby scrawls “NO WEIGHTLIFTING” on the easel, almost illegibly. Then he writes NO RECESS.

   There was no Giants document officially noting the arrival of acne.

   “Pickin’ at Zits In the Training Room” will be the name of Conte’s Bonds book.

   Barry liked to pump serious iron right before games. Other players would come, but only to watch him.

   How can there be so many pills and drugs in this trial and absolutely none of them recreational? What a bummer.

   Yes! One Tramadol prescription. Someone may have gotten very mildly fucked up for like 25 seconds!

   Courtroom artists are all late getting back to the court room. Damn creative types.

   C.R.E.A.M., Clapton’s Cream, “Cream” by Prince, “Peaches and Cream” … this is my playlist for this part of the trial.

   So basically if the defense can prove that everybody hates Barry Bonds, then no one’s testimony can be believed.

   Judge Illston reiterates: Just because everybody else was doing it, doesn’t means Bonds was.

   Giambi keeps referring to “the big leagues”. Nedrow corrected him the first time then gave up.

   I don’t know how to describe Giambi’s testimony as anything other than steroids porn.

   Wait, why does it matter if Giambi was asked if he holds any records or not?

   Jeremy Giambi looks more like Danny Bonaduce than you’d expect him to.

   Every day of #bondstrial begins with a very brief video clip of the same Southhampton vs. Arsenal game. It’s the national anthem in here.

   Biggest civilian crowd yet lined up outside. Apparently real-time tweeting still has a delayed effect. Or a boundary of apathy to punch thru

   Whenever I see a portrait of Joe Biden in a federal building, I still wonder what sweepstakes he won.

   Velarde’s first HGH injections were in parking lots. Gross.

   Urine is forever.