Shane Jones wrote an amazing story this week, telling himself “this is so amazing” over and over again, breathing like a convicted sex offender, and climaxing several times before submitting the story to over ten small press journals who swiftly responded with “go fuck yourself.”

Jones had been working on the piece for several days in which his comments to himself went from “this sucks balls,” to “this will at least get accepted by Typo because I’m not black” to “i can probably send this piece of shit to Six Sentences because they take any piece of shit” to the eventual sexually gratifying “this is so amazing.”

From Albany, Jones says to htmlgiant: “It was a rough couple days, but I can finally say my story is amazing.  Fuck you Paris Review!!!”  Jones then floated into mid-air, masturbated once more to the image of Sweet Face Kevin Sampsell, and proceeded to shoot rainbows from his fingertips.