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The Frying Of Latke 49
This is pretty great. A writer for The Simpsons gets “conversational revenge” on a Pynchon-obsessed post-doc student who does the whole “Actually, I don’t even own a television” thing at a party. (You know the guy. This guy.)
Oddly, it was television that got me into Pynchon in the first place. Remember that miniseries V from the ’80s? It was totally awesome, and was based on Pynchon’s novel of the same name, which…OK, hold on. I’m being told that’s not true. All right. Well, that makes sense. My literary life is a lie. Great.
(I actually don’t own a television, either, but it’s just because my girlfriend and I are incredibly poor on account of her fancy law school tuition and my fancy book- and Scotch-buying habit. My girlfriend suggested that we start mentioning this at parties. Like when someone mentions a TV show at a party, we’d affect a snobby look and a mid-Atlantic “I first encountered Godard when I was at Hotchkiss but outgrew him by the time I got to Bennington” accent, and say something like, “Oh, are you referring to some televised comedy program? I wouldn’t know, because I’m too poooooor to own a television. I’m sure it’s quite diverting, if you enjoy that sort of lowbrow entertainment, but I simply can’t affoooooord to watch television.”)
(Although that hasn’t stopped me from watching Glee on Hulu.)
(Fuck you for rolling your eyes.)
I usually go with “Well, I do own a TV, but it’s not hooked up to anything–except my xbox, which itself I only purchased because I needed a DVD player, though I do own some games for it too, but they’re not that good really, which is why the xbox isn’t even plugged in, because I borrowed my roommate’s N64 and am trying to finish a game of Ocarina of Time I began and abandoned 12 years ago at the part right after I first got the Master Sword. I’ve gotten pretty far, actually, since taking it back up. I got through the Shadow Temple and the whole Gerudo Fortress, and now I’m at the Spirit Temple, but the thing is it’s getting a little too hard to play with only two bottles for fairies, and I can’t remember which bottle quests I did and didn’t do, and they’re all a pain in the ass, so I don’t want to trial-and-error it and wind up redoing the least fun parts of the game twice. So instead I’m just losing a lot. And cursing. Can we have sex now?”
God, I love parties.
I usually go with “Well, I do own a TV, but it’s not hooked up to anything–except my xbox, which itself I only purchased because I needed a DVD player, though I do own some games for it too, but they’re not that good really, which is why the xbox isn’t even plugged in, because I borrowed my roommate’s N64 and am trying to finish a game of Ocarina of Time I began and abandoned 12 years ago at the part right after I first got the Master Sword. I’ve gotten pretty far, actually, since taking it back up. I got through the Shadow Temple and the whole Gerudo Fortress, and now I’m at the Spirit Temple, but the thing is it’s getting a little too hard to play with only two bottles for fairies, and I can’t remember which bottle quests I did and didn’t do, and they’re all a pain in the ass, so I don’t want to trial-and-error it and wind up redoing the least fun parts of the game twice. So instead I’m just losing a lot. And cursing. Can we have sex now?”
God, I love parties.
Haha, I’m that person. I don’t have one. But my housemates do. And I guess I’m hooked on Glee now, as a result of it following SYTYCD, the only thing I make it a point to watch. Lord.
Haha, I’m that person. I don’t have one. But my housemates do. And I guess I’m hooked on Glee now, as a result of it following SYTYCD, the only thing I make it a point to watch. Lord.
Television? Aha, I’m sure it’s quiiiiite amusing, but I’m far too busy with completing my noooovel and watching internet porn.
Television? Aha, I’m sure it’s quiiiiite amusing, but I’m far too busy with completing my noooovel and watching internet porn.