you know how alex said we were gonna do eight cities in ten days? we did seven; Brooklyn, Boston, DC, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Atlanta, and Nashville. that’s seven. i’ll bet if i said anything to alex she would say she said seven. anyway, this is a review of how i think i did in every one of those cities.

brooklyn, ny:

i found the dollar industry really competitive. i mean there was a dollar junction, a family dollar, and a .99 store right across the street from where we were staying. i was coming out of the dollar junction when i noticed the other two. i wanted a picture of myself in front of marcy projects bc that’s where biggie smalls and jay-z used to live but there were always ppl standing outside. i thought i could get one of them to take it but then bridget (alex’s sister) wasn’t sure how that would work out. none of their liquor stores carried my brand so i bought newports. i wasn’t as in to pushing my book bc i didn’t know how to and i was nervous about boston. i sold two

boston, ma:

i sold three copies of my book at jamaica plain. that’s one more than i sold in brooklyn. one of the buyers got a copy of blank for buying mine and she gave it to me. she signed it

washington dc, dc:

i didn’t go. i stayed in boston. this is compartmentalizing a lot

philadelphia, pa:

i thought this was where everything was founded until alex told me all of those things were from boston. that list of things included, ‘the fighter,’ and, ‘mark walberg.’ alex’s family bought books from me. i told elizabeth foster to thank amy saul-zerby for buying it when amy said she didn’t. we bartered. i traded dianna a copy of my book for a copy of his

baltimore, md:

when the driver said we’re gonna have another driver after dc i wondered what he’s gonna do. my wallet was bothering me. i saw a lot of violent leg injuries on the bus. the bus dropped us off next to a penitentiary. i think the state song was, ‘crawling back to you.’ i couldn’t blame them. that song is tight. i wanted to trade tracy dimond a copy of my book for a copy of hers’ but she didn’t have any so i just gave her one for letting us stay. i think i talked barrett warner into buying my book by telling him that i’m reading donald barthelme. he said his brother is better

atlanta, ga:

i didn’t feel as comfortable pushing my book at the omg reading as i did in emory so i bartered w matthew sherling for a copy of his book and nathan keele springer for a copy of his copy of twin studies. i also lost one to michael hessel-mial in a bet over which jurassic park jeff goldblum was in. i thought he was in the first one. i would’ve given him one anyway for letting us stay

nashville, tn:

until atlanta i thought dave wright was my uncle bc my aunt married someone named dave. harmony korinne’s brother was at our reading. harmony korinne directed spring breakers. his brother is working on an adaptation of the double. we didn’t talk. dave wright wants to write a screenplay for him. wright bought three copies of my book and i bartered another copy for a copy of the collected non-fictions. nashville was probably the closest i got to california. and it was also where i got the most exercise bc he had a ping pong table. i think his favorite instagram filter is nashville but i can’t be sure

hey Jesse, I did say seven cities, you fuckhead xoxo read my post about the tour here