November 9th, 2009 / 3:22 pm
Contests
Jimmy Chen
Contests
Htmlgiant Caption Contest
In the spirit of New Yorker‘s caption contest, we are having our own. Jeffrey Brown has graciously not only accepted our invitation to judge it, but will be procuring the prize: an original artwork by him (no details — maybe a doodle, maybe more). Just comment what the fish on the ground is saying or thinking. (I made the cartoon as a nod, however awkward and unworthy, to the style of B.E.K., my favorite New Yorker cartoonist.) One entry per person. Only comments with valid links to contact information, or accompanying the entry, will be considered.
Tags: caption contest, Jeffrey Brown
“Well…OK. Now I get it.”
“Well…OK. Now I get it.”
Behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bring forth a son, and will call his name ‘Pepperidge.’
Behold, you will conceive in your womb, and bring forth a son, and will call his name ‘Pepperidge.’
Can’t live with them, can’t jump on the floor and die.
Can’t live with them, can’t jump on the floor and die.
nice
nice
“What, behind me? That’s just George, the Hand of God.”
“What, behind me? That’s just George, the Hand of God.”
i’m a goddamn fish. get me off the goddamn floor.
i’m a goddamn fish. get me off the goddamn floor.
“I am the thing with color in a horrifying, achromatic world. Please just let me die here on the blank carpet, I am too beautiful to live.”
“I am the thing with color in a horrifying, achromatic world. Please just let me die here on the blank carpet, I am too beautiful to live.”
“I am the only thing with color in a horrifying, achromatic world. Please just let me die here on the blank carpet, I am too beautiful to live.”
“I am the only thing with color in a horrifying, achromatic world. Please just let me die here on the blank carpet, I am too beautiful to live.”
Christ, what an asshole.
Christ, what an asshole.
“I knew I should have finalized that living will.”
“I knew I should have finalized that living will.”
Please lay me on the window ledge so that the grey sun dissolves my honey hair into a small puddle of light which you can use to paint your nails.
Please lay me on the window ledge so that the grey sun dissolves my honey hair into a small puddle of light which you can use to paint your nails.
“Goodbye, my darling. We’ll be together on the other side–in, like, five days.”
“Damn you Stubblefist!”
“Goodbye, my darling. We’ll be together on the other side–in, like, five days.”
“Damn you Stubblefist!”
“It really is a shame I won’t remember any of this in three seconds.”
“It really is a shame I won’t remember any of this in three seconds.”
“Lame”
“Lame”
“Janie is going to be pissed when she finds out that her dollhouse toy-fish have come to life, faced the existential crisis of reality, and attempted suicide again.”
Steve had a terrible dream. That his wife Goldie was a fish. His legs felt like vaseline. In burber his face stuck rooted to cookie crumbs. And blue before he lost it.
“Janie is going to be pissed when she finds out that her dollhouse toy-fish have come to life, faced the existential crisis of reality, and attempted suicide again.”
Steve had a terrible dream. That his wife Goldie was a fish. His legs felt like vaseline. In burber his face stuck rooted to cookie crumbs. And blue before he lost it.
“Fuck Chinatown.”
“Fuck Chinatown.”
Crap! I thought I was cast for a Simpsons episode.
Crap! I thought I was cast for a Simpsons episode.
This is not a good day for bananafish
This is not a good day for bananafish
Sorry, babe. I just can’t look at that sculpture anymore.
Sorry, babe. I just can’t look at that sculpture anymore.
“I wish this 1940s frat boy was going to swallow you instead of me, you arrhythmic honkey.”
“I wish this 1940s frat boy was going to swallow you instead of me, you arrhythmic honkey.”
“It ‘aint easy being cheesy”
this is how you gets the pussy.
“It ‘aint easy being cheesy”
this is how you gets the pussy.
Goldie was grateful that the fraternity’s newfound adherence to anti-hazing regulations spared him swallowing, but couldn’t help shedding a tear for his cracker clone
Goldie was grateful that the fraternity’s newfound adherence to anti-hazing regulations spared him swallowing, but couldn’t help shedding a tear for his cracker clone
No. Stop. I don’t need your help. I can do it myself.
No. Stop. I don’t need your help. I can do it myself.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh a fish.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh a fish.
Back off whitey.
Back off whitey.
You tried to make love to one fish and…
You tried to make love to one fish and…
“Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. We’ve read it with care but have decided not to accept it for publication. Best of luck placing it elsewhere.”
“Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. We’ve read it with care but have decided not to accept it for publication. Best of luck placing it elsewhere.”
“That isn’t arm hair. I’m killing myself.”
“That isn’t arm hair. I’m killing myself.”
‘Go Fuck Yourself’
‘Go Fuck Yourself’
dammit, david. i was going to run with the 3 seconds memory thing. now i have to start all over.
dammit, david. i was going to run with the 3 seconds memory thing. now i have to start all over.
“Dave Grohl dream sequence fishing trip.”
“Dave Grohl dream sequence fishing trip.”
FIRST!
FIRST!
Well, she did say I was being a bit vain in prophesying that the sun would reclaim me in a ray of golden light. Honest mistake right? I would have never guessed you looked like those dumb fucks.
Well, she did say I was being a bit vain in prophesying that the sun would reclaim me in a ray of golden light. Honest mistake right? I would have never guessed you looked like those dumb fucks.
I like when he rests me here – his last thing before heading for work everyday. Lucky, the real fish above, needs the company against a lonely house. I, the cheddar variety, sleep well in the sun.
I like when he rests me here – his last thing before heading for work everyday. Lucky, the real fish above, needs the company against a lonely house. I, the cheddar variety, sleep well in the sun.
I’ve always respected you.
I’ve always respected you.
Oh oh oh yeah
Ooh oh ooh oh oh…
Came in the door
Checked in my coat
And who I’m looking for
Is staring in my face, ooh
They played our song
We hit the floor
He held me strong
And we danced the night away
I can see the way that he is making me feel
This way about his love
I’ve been looking for something like this
I’m saying ooh oh oh oh ooh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
If makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
It’s been a long long time
Since I fell, fell
Love has found my way oh oh oh
I’ve been looking (looking)
I’ve been searching (searching)
For the man to touch this place, oh ooh oh yeah
Can’t deny the way that he’s making feel
This way about his love
I’ve been searching for something like this
I’m saying oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left right up down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If you feel good
If you’re feeling good,
Put one hand in the air, say yeah
If you feel good
If you’re feeling good
It’s cause love is in the air
Love is in the air
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
My baby
Ooh
C’mon and say
C’mon and say
Ooh
C’mon and say
Ooh baby
Oh oh oh yeah
Ooh oh ooh oh oh…
Came in the door
Checked in my coat
And who I’m looking for
Is staring in my face, ooh
They played our song
We hit the floor
He held me strong
And we danced the night away
I can see the way that he is making me feel
This way about his love
I’ve been looking for something like this
I’m saying ooh oh oh oh ooh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
If makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
It’s been a long long time
Since I fell, fell
Love has found my way oh oh oh
I’ve been looking (looking)
I’ve been searching (searching)
For the man to touch this place, oh ooh oh yeah
Can’t deny the way that he’s making feel
This way about his love
I’ve been searching for something like this
I’m saying oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left right up down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say oooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If you feel good
If you’re feeling good,
Put one hand in the air, say yeah
If you feel good
If you’re feeling good
It’s cause love is in the air
Love is in the air
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Makes you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
My baby
Ooh
C’mon and say
C’mon and say
Ooh
C’mon and say
Ooh baby
Please! Don’t take my sunshine away.
Please! Don’t take my sunshine away.
“His sister Idgi wore new dresses and dilapidated shoes. They used to dance together.”
Or
“But from the half that is dreaming there emanates a mysterious strength.”
“His sister Idgi wore new dresses and dilapidated shoes. They used to dance together.”
Or
“But from the half that is dreaming there emanates a mysterious strength.”
“Besides, an appearance as artificial as possible gave him the advantages of artifice: hiding a bourgeois love of order.”
“Besides, an appearance as artificial as possible gave him the advantages of artifice: hiding a bourgeois love of order.”
My mom bought me some goldfish crackers. I ate them in like 15 minutes.
My mom bought me some goldfish crackers. I ate them in like 15 minutes.
I was wondering when this connection would be made.
I was wondering when this connection would be made.
yes.
yes.
The sick and the dying warned me, and pleaded with me, but I would not hear. The harvest is now past; the summer is now ended, and I am not saved. The Lord has turned away his lovely face. What a pity our beautiful world must perish.
The sick and the dying warned me, and pleaded with me, but I would not hear. The harvest is now past; the summer is now ended, and I am not saved. The Lord has turned away his lovely face. What a pity our beautiful world must perish.
“Well hello air…we meet again! Perhaps today i shall be the victor.”
“Well hello air…we meet again! Perhaps today i shall be the victor.”
One fish makes you larger
And one fish makes you small.
And the one in Mother’s fishbowl
Don’t do anything at all.
Go ask Alex,
When he’s ten feet tall.
One fish makes you larger
And one fish makes you small.
And the one in Mother’s fishbowl
Don’t do anything at all.
Go ask Alex,
When he’s ten feet tall.
“Hey, where’d all the water go?”
“Hey, where’d all the water go?”
“Yuck, your fingers smell like cat.”
“Yuck, your fingers smell like cat.”