[Matchup #22 in Tournament of Bookshit]

Calling Anything You Write A Manuscript

I just copypasted my blogger into google docs for a 45,000 word count. My nanowrimo just feels right. The manuscript I drafted and polished in February is complete. A novel in tweets. Everything I write is gold. This is like _______ meets ________. It’s _________ with a twist. I think people want to read about my breakup. It’s 50,000 on my daily bathroom experiences. I oulipo’d this baby without the first half of the alphabet. It’s called ‘beastial fiction’. I just wrote down everything my mother said. I’m a method writer. Why do you think the title is “Cock In Hand”? I used a typewriter for authenticity. The blank spaces represent epic minimalism. 

Author Photos

Will this be a full back cover? The B/W adds 10 lbs. Look away. I’m just going to cross my arms over my knees. I call this the tilted head effect. Can you shop a claw-like shadow over my left eye? Should we stand by the ferns or the ivy? Can we do the Franzen thing, only less vacant? I’m not angry I’m emotive. Is sepia an option? I thought there would be a stylist. Cover your double chin with those knuckles. Cleavage isn’t really what we’re going for here.

– Frank Hinton

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WINNER: calling anything you write a manuscript