April 23rd, 2010 / 8:19 pm
Random

Paul Constant offers one of the funniest, angriest movie reviews I’ve read in a while. Seriously, don’t mess with that guy. BONUS QUESTION: Should we start a letter writing campaign to get movie studios to stop making comic book movies for a little while? Like, a five year break or something? Maybe until someone interesting agrees to direct one?

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73 Comments

  1. PHC

      Smart guy hates stupid people, compelling review.

  2. PHC

      Smart guy hates stupid people, compelling review.

  3. darby

      why does anyone bother critically reviewing any blockbuster film? its like critically reviewing a mcdonalds hamburger.

  4. darby

      why does anyone bother critically reviewing any blockbuster film? its like critically reviewing a mcdonalds hamburger.

  5. Matthew Simmons

      This isn’t a blockbuster…yet. Right now, it’s just an action film. Like Paul mentions in the review, sometimes those movies are worth the time and coin spent on them. This one isn’t.

      Popular entertainment can and should be critiqued. Movies, books, video games. They ask for our attention. Sometimess they even deserve it. When they don’t, we should talk about why.

  6. Matthew Simmons

      This isn’t a blockbuster…yet. Right now, it’s just an action film. Like Paul mentions in the review, sometimes those movies are worth the time and coin spent on them. This one isn’t.

      Popular entertainment can and should be critiqued. Movies, books, video games. They ask for our attention. Sometimess they even deserve it. When they don’t, we should talk about why.

  7. Matthew Simmons

      Yeah. And fuck anyone who has ever written anything satirical, too.

  8. Matthew Simmons

      Yeah. And fuck anyone who has ever written anything satirical, too.

  9. darby

      well, movies where the intention is blockbusterdom. popular entertainment has disappointed me too much and too often and im just too jaded now. give me a pynchon sentence or a ravel concerto, you can keep your action movie hoopla.

  10. darby

      well, movies where the intention is blockbusterdom. popular entertainment has disappointed me too much and too often and im just too jaded now. give me a pynchon sentence or a ravel concerto, you can keep your action movie hoopla.

  11. demi-puppet

      Why “should” they be?

  12. demi-puppet

      Why “should” they be?

  13. PHC

      Satirize the idiot to make larger point about the danger of pandering the idiot? Ya, okay. He nailed the satirize the idiot part. The larger point part is pretty thin, IMHO. Personally, I wish he would’ve spent more time on the “Con Air Distinction”, less time hugely exaggerating the number of times “Don’t Stop Believing” was played.

  14. PHC

      Satirize the idiot to make larger point about the danger of pandering the idiot? Ya, okay. He nailed the satirize the idiot part. The larger point part is pretty thin, IMHO. Personally, I wish he would’ve spent more time on the “Con Air Distinction”, less time hugely exaggerating the number of times “Don’t Stop Believing” was played.

  15. Matthew Simmons

      This is an interesting point. I would like to hear more about that, too, in fact. I imagine the fact that he was reviewing the movie for a weekly paper meant he was limited in just how much he was able to tease out that distinction. Wonder if I could get him to explore that for HTML Giant…

  16. Matthew Simmons

      This is an interesting point. I would like to hear more about that, too, in fact. I imagine the fact that he was reviewing the movie for a weekly paper meant he was limited in just how much he was able to tease out that distinction. Wonder if I could get him to explore that for HTML Giant…

  17. Matthew Simmons

      Because all art, even popular art, exists to be discussed and critiqued.

  18. Matthew Simmons

      Because all art, even popular art, exists to be discussed and critiqued.

  19. darby

      i dont think thats true for everyone. an undiscussed piece of art can still be experienced as art. nothing *has* to be discussed or critiqued. discussion kills a lot of art for me.

      although, ive been thinking about this for like an hour now on a friday night and i dont agree with me anymore. this movie has every right to be discussed by anyone in anyway. thats my story.

  20. darby

      i dont think thats true for everyone. an undiscussed piece of art can still be experienced as art. nothing *has* to be discussed or critiqued. discussion kills a lot of art for me.

      although, ive been thinking about this for like an hour now on a friday night and i dont agree with me anymore. this movie has every right to be discussed by anyone in anyway. thats my story.

  21. Matthew Simmons

      Good point. It may actually be that for me failed art needs to be discussed with greater rigor than successful art. Perhaps I’m happy to pick over the corpse of art that is already dead, and art that succeeds, that lives and thrives, I can leave alone.

      But then, I like to write about books I love, and like to try to figure out what it is that makes them tick.

  22. Matthew Simmons

      Good point. It may actually be that for me failed art needs to be discussed with greater rigor than successful art. Perhaps I’m happy to pick over the corpse of art that is already dead, and art that succeeds, that lives and thrives, I can leave alone.

      But then, I like to write about books I love, and like to try to figure out what it is that makes them tick.

  23. PHC

      ha, I work for a Weekly & I’m sure he’s severely limited, shouldn’t have been so pissy initially, as what he came up w/ was a pretty great rip compared to a lot of stuff out there.

  24. PHC

      ha, I work for a Weekly & I’m sure he’s severely limited, shouldn’t have been so pissy initially, as what he came up w/ was a pretty great rip compared to a lot of stuff out there.

  25. PHC
  26. PHC
  27. demi-puppet

      I think some art offers more to discussion than others. I’m guessing you can exhaust all there is talk about Terminators 2 in one half hour and 1.5 cups coffee.

      Talking about Terminators 2 is like bringing your jackass friend who only makes “That’s what she said!!” jokes to the discussion. Amusing for a while, but eventually it gets flat and dull and everyone wants to vomit on themselves. Whereas bringing a Dickinson poem to the table is more like cozying up for a few beers w/ your best friend.

  28. demi-puppet

      I think some art offers more to discussion than others. I’m guessing you can exhaust all there is talk about Terminators 2 in one half hour and 1.5 cups coffee.

      Talking about Terminators 2 is like bringing your jackass friend who only makes “That’s what she said!!” jokes to the discussion. Amusing for a while, but eventually it gets flat and dull and everyone wants to vomit on themselves. Whereas bringing a Dickinson poem to the table is more like cozying up for a few beers w/ your best friend.

  29. demi-puppet

      Dammit, I mean Transformers 2. Blargh, I just woke up

  30. demi-puppet

      Dammit, I mean Transformers 2. Blargh, I just woke up

  31. (Ass-Brackets)

      Must suck to get paid to watch movies. I really feel for him.

  32. (Ass-Brackets)

      Must suck to get paid to watch movies. I really feel for him.

  33. Alec Niedenthal

      This is amazing, yes.

  34. Alec Niedenthal

      This is amazing, yes.

  35. Salvatore Pane

      A five year ban of all comic book movies would be akin to a five year ban on all dramas or thrillers or sci-fi flicks. Comic book movies are a genre, but comic books themselves are a medium. I’m not sure why there’s so much disdain for comic movies all of the sudden. Is it because of superheroes? There’s nothing inherent about the medium inextricably tied to superheroes, even though those types of stories are the majority. So, in response, here’s a brief list of comic book movies I’m excited about in the near future:

      1) Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World.
      I’m as sick of Michael Cera being awkward as the next guy, but anyone who has actually read these books will agree with me that this has the potential to be one of the best films of the summer. It’s deeper than the trailers make it seem, and if they actually follow the books, this one might end up pretty emotionally resonant to the HTML Giant crowd.

      2) Iron Man 2
      This one’s just big dopey fun. This is the Losers done right, i.e. a Con Air-esque shut off your brain movie.

      3) Captain America
      Super heroics during World War II. Sounds fun. I hope they have the scene where Cap punches Hitler.

      4) The Walking Dead
      This one doesn’t really count, because it’s an AMC TV show and not a movie, but it just has so much potential to be great that I figured I’d include it. If you’re into horror stuff at all, give the first trade of this a shot.

  36. Salvatore Pane

      A five year ban of all comic book movies would be akin to a five year ban on all dramas or thrillers or sci-fi flicks. Comic book movies are a genre, but comic books themselves are a medium. I’m not sure why there’s so much disdain for comic movies all of the sudden. Is it because of superheroes? There’s nothing inherent about the medium inextricably tied to superheroes, even though those types of stories are the majority. So, in response, here’s a brief list of comic book movies I’m excited about in the near future:

      1) Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World.
      I’m as sick of Michael Cera being awkward as the next guy, but anyone who has actually read these books will agree with me that this has the potential to be one of the best films of the summer. It’s deeper than the trailers make it seem, and if they actually follow the books, this one might end up pretty emotionally resonant to the HTML Giant crowd.

      2) Iron Man 2
      This one’s just big dopey fun. This is the Losers done right, i.e. a Con Air-esque shut off your brain movie.

      3) Captain America
      Super heroics during World War II. Sounds fun. I hope they have the scene where Cap punches Hitler.

      4) The Walking Dead
      This one doesn’t really count, because it’s an AMC TV show and not a movie, but it just has so much potential to be great that I figured I’d include it. If you’re into horror stuff at all, give the first trade of this a shot.

  37. Lincoln

      “Maybe until someone interesting agrees to direct one?”

      As far as mainstreamish hollywood directors go, haven’t they been pretty interesting? Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi, Ang Lee (even if his sucked), Brian Singer, Guillermo del Toro… that’s about as good as you can get unless David Lynch and Tarrence Malick do Sandman and Preacher or something.

  38. Lincoln

      “Maybe until someone interesting agrees to direct one?”

      As far as mainstreamish hollywood directors go, haven’t they been pretty interesting? Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi, Ang Lee (even if his sucked), Brian Singer, Guillermo del Toro… that’s about as good as you can get unless David Lynch and Tarrence Malick do Sandman and Preacher or something.

  39. mimi

      “Con Air” was a milestone in my movie-watching history, for sure. Malkovich as Cyrus the Virus. Nicholas Cage, threateningly, “Put the bunny back in the box.”

      I would have enjoyed the extra entertainment value offered by sitting next to the idiot. Reminds me of the audience participation by which I was surrounded while watching “The Ring” at Hilltop Mall: “No, motherfucker, no, no. Oh, shit. No, motherfucker!”

  40. mimi

      “Con Air” was a milestone in my movie-watching history, for sure. Malkovich as Cyrus the Virus. Nicholas Cage, threateningly, “Put the bunny back in the box.”

      I would have enjoyed the extra entertainment value offered by sitting next to the idiot. Reminds me of the audience participation by which I was surrounded while watching “The Ring” at Hilltop Mall: “No, motherfucker, no, no. Oh, shit. No, motherfucker!”

  41. Paul

      If I had to choose between Terminator 2 and Emily Dickinson, I’d choose Terminator 2

  42. Paul

      If I had to choose between Terminator 2 and Emily Dickinson, I’d choose Terminator 2

  43. davidpeak

      yeah terminator 2 rules

  44. davidpeak

      yeah terminator 2 rules

  45. Paul

      I knew David Peak would back me up!!

  46. Paul

      I knew David Peak would back me up!!

  47. demi-puppet

      Dickinson eats T2.

      And T2 wasn’t even that good. The series should have stopped at 1.

  48. demi-puppet

      Dickinson eats T2.

      And T2 wasn’t even that good. The series should have stopped at 1.

  49. Paul

      Terminator was pretty great. That’s why it was recently inducted into the National Film Registry for preservation.

      And actually, the series should have stopped after 2 (since the second one was even better than the first) ;)

      3 was a cinematic abortion and 4 was atrocious–FUCK MCG!!

      Still, Terminator 2 EATS Emily Dickinson

      IN FACT, Terminator 2 EATS DEMI-PUPPET!!

  50. Paul

      Terminator was pretty great. That’s why it was recently inducted into the National Film Registry for preservation.

      And actually, the series should have stopped after 2 (since the second one was even better than the first) ;)

      3 was a cinematic abortion and 4 was atrocious–FUCK MCG!!

      Still, Terminator 2 EATS Emily Dickinson

      IN FACT, Terminator 2 EATS DEMI-PUPPET!!

  51. Paul

      Oh, but please don’t take any of this as advocation of James Cameron by any means–silly Avatar!!

      That white-guilt Pocahontas rip-off was a waste of everyone’s time

  52. Paul

      Oh, but please don’t take any of this as advocation of James Cameron by any means–silly Avatar!!

      That white-guilt Pocahontas rip-off was a waste of everyone’s time

  53. demi-puppet

      Terminator was pretty sweet. T2’s lame. “Mighty morphin’ Terminator”

      Dickinson swallows them both whole.

      Dickinson devoured me a long time ago.

  54. demi-puppet

      Terminator was pretty sweet. T2’s lame. “Mighty morphin’ Terminator”

      Dickinson swallows them both whole.

      Dickinson devoured me a long time ago.

  55. Matthew Simmons

      Ah, yeah. Good point. I think the worry is that the list you mention made, for the most part, some interesting enough movies that THE GLUT began. Nolan wants to make another, I’m okay with it. Sam Raimi, heck yes. del Toro, too.

      I’m just saying let’s say whoa. Hold on. Let’s take a deep breath here.

  56. Matthew Simmons

      Ah, yeah. Good point. I think the worry is that the list you mention made, for the most part, some interesting enough movies that THE GLUT began. Nolan wants to make another, I’m okay with it. Sam Raimi, heck yes. del Toro, too.

      I’m just saying let’s say whoa. Hold on. Let’s take a deep breath here.

  57. Matthew Simmons

      For the record, I still read comics. I still love them, in fact. And I’d like to see all the movies you mention. I cop to being a little—hyperbolic in the comment. Bad comic book movies piss me off and make me forget the good ones.

      Two other things: is it weird that I’m still okay with Michael Cera being awkward? I should probably be sick of it, but damned if it doesn’t continue to make me laugh when he lets his laugh lines trail off and he looks up and to the side.

      Second, I really loved DC comics when I was little, and then I became a teenager and started to love Marvel. And now, I’m back to loving DC more than Marvel. Is that universal?

  58. Matthew Simmons

      Oh, (Ass-Brackets)…there you go again!

  59. Matthew Simmons

      For the record, I still read comics. I still love them, in fact. And I’d like to see all the movies you mention. I cop to being a little—hyperbolic in the comment. Bad comic book movies piss me off and make me forget the good ones.

      Two other things: is it weird that I’m still okay with Michael Cera being awkward? I should probably be sick of it, but damned if it doesn’t continue to make me laugh when he lets his laugh lines trail off and he looks up and to the side.

      Second, I really loved DC comics when I was little, and then I became a teenager and started to love Marvel. And now, I’m back to loving DC more than Marvel. Is that universal?

  60. Matthew Simmons

      Oh, (Ass-Brackets)…there you go again!

  61. Matthew Simmons

      Slow burn, this post!

  62. Matthew Simmons

      Slow burn, this post!

  63. Trey

      I also am still ok with Michael Cera being awkward.

  64. Trey

      I also am still ok with Michael Cera being awkward.

  65. mimi

      I am OK with Michael Cera being awkward, too.

  66. mimi

      I am OK with Michael Cera being awkward, too.

  67. zusya

      hah.

      While nonetheless a triumph of post-structural assembly line panache, the arching paradigm underling all assumed qualities of said burger’s Jovian marketing scheme will continue to ironically remain privy to its assumed environment if the Reader, uh, I mean, Consumer remains complacently nourished by an overwhelmingly underwhelming dearth of nutrition. One gets the sense that, when holding one in one’s own two hands, that here lies within the most sinister of Nature’s creations: Convenience.

      Chomp.

      To then therefore eructate in homage of the forceful exuberance said burger is wantonly most likely to nonetheless Pavlovianly engender… is nothing short of active participation in the Human Condition’s capacity for carnal delights.

      /can’t think of an ending.

  68. zusya

      i have a pretty good feeling that the creators of T2 (either one) would have a helluva hard time getting Death to stop for them

  69. (Ass-Brackets)

      Why are you talking like that? Is that your talking-to-strangers voice?

  70. (Ass-Brackets)

      Why are you talking like that? Is that your talking-to-strangers voice?

  71. zusya

      “There you go again…” ®eagan

  72. Salvatore Pane

      I also read comics every Wednesday, and I think most people are getting into DC more now-a-days because their line is just a bit better at the moment. Most of Marvel’s output since Dark Reign began last year has been pretty mediocre (Amazing Spider-Man and the Jonathan Hickman stuff notwithstanding). Meanwhile, DC’s Batman and Green Lantern lines are at the top of their game. I’m sure the pendulum will swing back the other way though.

  73. Salvatore Pane

      I also read comics every Wednesday, and I think most people are getting into DC more now-a-days because their line is just a bit better at the moment. Most of Marvel’s output since Dark Reign began last year has been pretty mediocre (Amazing Spider-Man and the Jonathan Hickman stuff notwithstanding). Meanwhile, DC’s Batman and Green Lantern lines are at the top of their game. I’m sure the pendulum will swing back the other way though.