Instead of ivy, mold crawls on the walls of my education. Of the eight Ivy League universities’ mottos, Harvard and Yale’s include “truth,” and Brown and Princeton employ “God.” My favorite is Darmouth’s, which speaks of a crying voice in the wilderness (probably referring to freshmen year in the dorms). In addition to Statistics 101, kids returning library books at Harvard are met with a lesson in the highly improbable. Graduating from where I did with the degree I did was my own lesson in the highly improbable, namely, a good career. I masochistically look forward to The Social Network, which partially takes place at Harvard. The first google suggestion for facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, besides his name, is “Mark Zuckerberg Girlfriend” — for success is not just measured at the bank, but by the lady next to you, her breasts and your eyes ideally pointing towards the same bright future.
Do I seem bitter? I keep telling myself less is more (less education, less money, less love, less sex, less furniture, less hair, etc), but all this quasi-zen might be just some defense for an empty life. At the end of the path of least resistance lie excuses, a heap of ’em. Thank god for my internet — the age of excess morphed into the age of access, wi-fi that is. I had a facebook account once, but couldn’t stand the people from high school — our mutual unactualization, slow swelling of face, and promises left in the towns we’re from, the prison of a zip code.
The thing about walls is that there are always two sides, and the only difference is who’s outside and in. The thing about signs is that they are usually true. Pull. Push. Pull. Push. Until babies are born.
I have a fake alias facebook account with no friends or profile that I use to troll people’s walls and photo albums. People trying to look happy always look so sad; people who look sad always look worse; people who look ugly fair well under low resolution; people who look beautiful always seem cruel. The world is Midvale. For those of you taking Statistics 101 this fall, I guess that means smile.