Random
ON BITTERNESS & HOW TO LIVE
good in Greenberg
This article about hipster darling Greta Gerwig made me think about the unfortunate and sometimes very talented actors and actresses I know who look very much like other breakout stars. I went to school with an actress who looks like Greta Gerwig. I wonder if Greta Gerwig’s success helps or hurts this other actress. Probably the latter. The guy who I’d consider the best actor I ever saw in Yale drama bears a strong resemblance to Johnny Depp. He used to enjoy the comparison, I think, but not so much now, although he’s a working actor in L.A. (Skeet Ulrich managed to get roles looking just like Depp. There’s worse people you could resemble.) …And then that guy used to date Zoe Kazan, a suddenly ubiquitous actress who I think was a year or two behind me in school but who I didn’t know at all. And I briefly dated an actress a few years behind Kazan who strongly resembles her (same looks, same education, no Hollywood royalty background–that kinda sucks) and (an older version of) Dakota Fanning. I’d find that kind of vexing if I were in her situation.
But I guess I have been. I’ve definitely seen books sold for a lot of money and/or published to great acclaim/attention by people whose “profiles” were very similar to mine. When I was eighteen and Twelve was published, I remember being depressed and jealous. (FWIW, I met Nick McDonell years later, know him now, and can report he’s pretty amazing. This is a guy who could easily live a life of indolence, glamour, and coked-up sex with models. Instead he spends his time writing novels and doing war reporting in Iraq and Afghanistan.) But eighteen is an age when jealousy comes naturally.
A while back, I. Fontana told me some advice a writer friend gave him: You’ll do okay if you don’t get bitter. That’s what happens to too many writers with talent… the world doesn’t fete them and they burn out on bitterness.
I try to live in certain ways. According to certain rules. There are a lot of them and I don’t always obey them. But a few are:
- Extinguish jealousy. It’s not a productive or nourishing way to live. And contrary to what you might believe, it doesn’t fuel ambition. You can be ambitious without being jealous. Ambition is good as long as it’s not limited to or purely in the service of acquisition.
- Mostly don’t give a fuck whether people like you or not. In Burning the Days, James Salter wrote, “There is your life as you know it and also as others know it, perhaps incorrectly, but to which some importance must be attached. It is difficult to realize that you are observed from a number of points and the sum of them has validity.” It’s true. But Schopenhauer said there are three major things that contribute to a person’s happiness: Name (your reputation among your fellow humans), Wealth (all material possessions and outward physical things/circumstances that affect you), Personality (predisposition to happiness or unhappiness). Of the three, Personality, he said, was the most important, Name the least. If you’re worried about bothering people by promoting your book, don’t be. Nobody gives a fuck about your book. Really, they don’t. It’s on you, and in some cases only you, to make people give a fuck about your book.
- Don’t spend too much time reading blogs or masturbating. This is not a “joke” 3rd item on the list. Think of all the hours you have wasted.
Tags: bitterness, greta gerwig
(3) or on chatroulette
(3) or on chatroulette
Think of all the hours I have wasted while. . . eliminating waste. Damn the potty!
Literally living by the commands will eventually only drive you crazier, especially three. The key is in avoiding rote compulsion and acting always out of a place of inner consciousness. If you would like to spend some time on a blog, spend some time on a blog. It is not ‘wasted time’ if you have extracted considerable value from the experience. It is wasted time if you are bored, restless, acting only out of compulsion, or fear.
If you want to jack off, then jack off—make it an experience. Cook up a few sweet fantasies, write some erotica, use good lube, relax, whatever. It will certainly feel more enriching than a one-handed, pants-around-the-knees PornTube session.
In most anything in life—unless you’re being tortured or imposed upon—we have the choice of mentally attended to the moment and making it a valuable experience, or doing it quick and cheap and feeling totally gross and empty afterward. Your choice.
And thus I am off to violate rule 3. . .
Think of all the hours I have wasted while. . . eliminating waste. Damn the potty!
Literally living by the commands will eventually only drive you crazier, especially three. The key is in avoiding rote compulsion and acting always out of a place of inner consciousness. If you would like to spend some time on a blog, spend some time on a blog. It is not ‘wasted time’ if you have extracted considerable value from the experience. It is wasted time if you are bored, restless, acting only out of compulsion, or fear.
If you want to jack off, then jack off—make it an experience. Cook up a few sweet fantasies, write some erotica, use good lube, relax, whatever. It will certainly feel more enriching than a one-handed, pants-around-the-knees PornTube session.
In most anything in life—unless you’re being tortured or imposed upon—we have the choice of mentally attended to the moment and making it a valuable experience, or doing it quick and cheap and feeling totally gross and empty afterward. Your choice.
And thus I am off to violate rule 3. . .
these commands*
these commands*
just get to work, whatever that entails.
just get to work, whatever that entails.
#1 is the strongest animal struggle. Yes.
#1 is the strongest animal struggle. Yes.
Now we have ot ask if being happy is the correct response to our brevity
Now we have ot ask if being happy is the correct response to our brevity
so much emphasis on happiness and the orgasm
so much emphasis on happiness and the orgasm
I spent a several hours on the fucking thing the first week after I heard of it. Haven’t been back since. Too numbing/addictive.
“Why were my moments of happiness so brief?” http://htmlgiant.com/uncategorized/plastic-bag-with-voice-of-werner-herzog/
I spent a several hours on the fucking thing the first week after I heard of it. Haven’t been back since. Too numbing/addictive.
“Why were my moments of happiness so brief?” http://htmlgiant.com/uncategorized/plastic-bag-with-voice-of-werner-herzog/
I disagree, although I wouldn’t always have disagreed. Living according to rules (preferably but not necessarily rules one devises onself) is how we create a sense of “meaning” in our lives, even if we believe, as I do, that life is essentially “meaningless.” This is also obviously very problematic, as millions of people in need of meaning are willing to accept rules (organized religion, etc) without examining them too closely or considering the potentially damaging consequences.
I disagree, although I wouldn’t always have disagreed. Living according to rules (preferably but not necessarily rules one devises onself) is how we create a sense of “meaning” in our lives, even if we believe, as I do, that life is essentially “meaningless.” This is also obviously very problematic, as millions of people in need of meaning are willing to accept rules (organized religion, etc) without examining them too closely or considering the potentially damaging consequences.
Hmmm, I didn’t quite so much mean to debate the value of living by rules. What I question is the nature of these three rules—they are rules of denial, and not acceptance. Focusing on ‘extinguishing jealousy’ will more than likely not make most people un-jealous, and it will probably make them miserable. A healthier way is learning to recognize and acknowledge and accept jealousy, to learn to “feel your way around in it” and adjust how you react to it. (Because believe it or not, jealousy is a totally natural human emotion—it’s simply not natural to let it dominate your life.)
Similarly, it’s not ideal to suddenly try to ‘mostly not give a fuck’ about other’s opinions. Not everyone will like you, and many of them will have justifiable reasons for not liking you. The idea is that you as a person can detach from being so -horrified- by this fact and learn to operate with a certain amount of self-trust. (ie, it is okay if many people do not like me; no one has ever lived an entire life w/o being disliked; being disliked is something that happens to -everybody-.)
Same thing for rule 3. Accept that you like blogs and masturbating, and allow yourself these treats in ways that make you happy. Thinking “damn, I’ve probably lost cumulative days to self-pleasure!—No more of -that-!” is a over-reaction to an opposite misplacement of values.
If the rules you mention are intrinsically tied to values, then I completely agree with you about living by rules.
Hmmm, I didn’t quite so much mean to debate the value of living by rules. What I question is the nature of these three rules—they are rules of denial, and not acceptance. Focusing on ‘extinguishing jealousy’ will more than likely not make most people un-jealous, and it will probably make them miserable. A healthier way is learning to recognize and acknowledge and accept jealousy, to learn to “feel your way around in it” and adjust how you react to it. (Because believe it or not, jealousy is a totally natural human emotion—it’s simply not natural to let it dominate your life.)
Similarly, it’s not ideal to suddenly try to ‘mostly not give a fuck’ about other’s opinions. Not everyone will like you, and many of them will have justifiable reasons for not liking you. The idea is that you as a person can detach from being so -horrified- by this fact and learn to operate with a certain amount of self-trust. (ie, it is okay if many people do not like me; no one has ever lived an entire life w/o being disliked; being disliked is something that happens to -everybody-.)
Same thing for rule 3. Accept that you like blogs and masturbating, and allow yourself these treats in ways that make you happy. Thinking “damn, I’ve probably lost cumulative days to self-pleasure!—No more of -that-!” is a over-reaction to an opposite misplacement of values.
If the rules you mention are intrinsically tied to values, then I completely agree with you about living by rules.
time to emphasize the foreplay
time to emphasize the foreplay
Basically the rules one lives by should be based on self-deception as infrequently as possible. ‘No one gives a fuck about your book’ is nice and charming, and may have the side-effect of making you appealingly humble, but it’s not quite true. There are indeed people who give a fuck about -your- book, even beyond the traditional family/friends/coterie. The nature of casually reading around is something like “if I bump into something you write and it greatly stimulates me, I am likely to be interested in some other thing you’ve written.” Many authors cut themselves short when they choose to ignore the potency of this. . . .
Basically the rules one lives by should be based on self-deception as infrequently as possible. ‘No one gives a fuck about your book’ is nice and charming, and may have the side-effect of making you appealingly humble, but it’s not quite true. There are indeed people who give a fuck about -your- book, even beyond the traditional family/friends/coterie. The nature of casually reading around is something like “if I bump into something you write and it greatly stimulates me, I am likely to be interested in some other thing you’ve written.” Many authors cut themselves short when they choose to ignore the potency of this. . . .
masturbation is key – in fact, masturbate more
masturbation is key – in fact, masturbate more
those hours were invested
those hours were invested
I do not think Robert Loggia looks Gene Hackman at all. Yet, for some reason, I feel like they can play the same role. I think if a big studio can not afford Gene Hackman, they go to Robert Loggia. Think back on the movie “Big”. Was that Hackman or Loggia?
I am not really sure.
Obviously “Hoosiers” was Hackman, what what about “The Firm,” with Tom Cruise? Hackman or Loggia?
I do not think Robert Loggia looks Gene Hackman at all. Yet, for some reason, I feel like they can play the same role. I think if a big studio can not afford Gene Hackman, they go to Robert Loggia. Think back on the movie “Big”. Was that Hackman or Loggia?
I am not really sure.
Obviously “Hoosiers” was Hackman, what what about “The Firm,” with Tom Cruise? Hackman or Loggia?