Random
“The Situation”
Mike Sorrentino
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino calls himself “The Situation” because his abdominal muscles, per his perception of them, are so extreme in their contour and firmness, that it has become, well, a situation. To refer to oneself in not just the third-person, but as an incident, is freaking awesome. I was immediately drawn to Mike very early on in the show because of his difficulty with women. Despite the hot tubs, Korbel, body lotion, and other courting paraphernalia, he never quite scored. Here, a neurotic man under a sheath of muscle. In the season finale, he makes out with roommate Snooki — a sad letdown to a season full of potential snatch, in which two scratched hearts (he was quickly rejected by Sammi after a brief window of interest) mend each other with the wet gauze of tongues. I was actually subdued by their awkward, tentative compassion, as it was very sad.
The ever optimist, Sorrentino has a way with words:
This is “The Situation” right here, my abs are so ripped up it’s, we call it “The Situation.”
–
You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.
–
I mean this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get into the situation.
–
I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.
–
I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on ’cause you feel fresh.
–
It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me, it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.
–
I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12.
The Situation
His free-style logic is indescribable, the quick, near insane associations he makes. While this might be the result of too much Vitamin D or energy drinks, I think Sorrentino is onto something. Our fallacy as viewers is our belief that we are smarter than him; we demographically dismiss Sorrentino as not being part of our cultural class. The ironic distance with which we “enjoy” shows “lower” than us (Rock of Love, Cheaters, The Bachelor, etc.) points to a deep hubris, as if we are somehow immune to the natural inclinations depicted. As if we are a better kind of human.
Perhaps Sorrentino — who got his heart broke; who became loud yet sullen around Ronnie, his male usurper; who tried to comfort Snooki, who had her own heart broke; who, excited by the free food made many meals; who just wants to be famous, needed somehow; whose lyrical take on the world is barely short of brilliant; who probably sleeps alone at night with the idea of a body next to him; who, tired and scared of being human, has grown a layer of defensiveness, a layer so slippery like bad armor — is much like us. I never met anyone on TV who wasn’t me.
An animal sees a face in everything. We are pulled towards that which most accurately depicts us, which is essentially what television is. Gentle people, literature is but a wordy band-aid on the flayed mark of the Jersey Shore on which we all reside. There are no dumb people, just people who don’t use long words. I see myself in the women on The Bachelor who just want a rose, an idea of a happier life. Put two TVs next to each other and you have a pair of eyes. Turn off the lights and you have a best friend. As for my situation, and its anatomical indicator, God spent that Sunday molding me; that he used his feet is just one of his tiny cruelties.
Tags: jersey shore, the situation
hmmm, i like this post, jimmy. i liked the situation too, by season’s end, along with pauly d and snooki (not so much sammi and ronnie and JWOWW). also, judging by a video i saw of the situation parodying himself, he’s definitely smarter than he lets on (you can already tell he’s witty from watching the show). and your point is well-taken, jimmy, that there is no one we’re better than or completely different from. one last thing: it’s been my experience that smart douchey guys, as opposed to dumb douchey guys, can be enjoyable company as long as you remind yourself that their douchiness is partly running the show and may take over at any time (that sounds confusing and/or condescending, but i don’t mean it to). what i mean is, there is a refreshing, this-is-what-i-want, i know i’m kind of an asshole but i’m being very honest and i’m keeping it within reasonable(ish) parameters -type of feel to what i’m calling smart douchebags.
hmmm, i like this post, jimmy. i liked the situation too, by season’s end, along with pauly d and snooki (not so much sammi and ronnie and JWOWW). also, judging by a video i saw of the situation parodying himself, he’s definitely smarter than he lets on (you can already tell he’s witty from watching the show). and your point is well-taken, jimmy, that there is no one we’re better than or completely different from. one last thing: it’s been my experience that smart douchey guys, as opposed to dumb douchey guys, can be enjoyable company as long as you remind yourself that their douchiness is partly running the show and may take over at any time (that sounds confusing and/or condescending, but i don’t mean it to). what i mean is, there is a refreshing, this-is-what-i-want, i know i’m kind of an asshole but i’m being very honest and i’m keeping it within reasonable(ish) parameters -type of feel to what i’m calling smart douchebags.
Jimmy? You are so gay. But that’s why I like you. For you: a rose.
Question: do you think this makes Sorrentino a situationist?
Jimmy? You are so gay. But that’s why I like you. For you: a rose.
Question: do you think this makes Sorrentino a situationist?
hmmm, i like this post, jimmy. i liked the situation too, by season’s end, along with pauly d and snooki (not so much sammi and ronnie and JWOWW). also, judging by a video i saw of the situation parodying himself, he’s definitely smarter than he lets on (you can already tell he’s witty from watching the show). and your point is well-taken, jimmy, that there is no one we’re better than or completely different from. one last thing: it’s been my experience that smart douchey guys, as opposed to dumb douchey guys, can be enjoyable company as long as you remind yourself that their douchiness is partly running the show and may take over at any time (that sounds confusing and/or condescending, but i don’t mean it to). what i mean is, there is a refreshing, this-is-what-i-want, i know i’m kind of an asshole but i’m being very honest and i’m keeping it within reasonable(ish) parameters -type of feel to what i’m calling smart douchebags.
Jimmy? You are so gay. But that’s why I like you. For you: a rose.
Question: do you think this makes Sorrentino a situationist?
Good post Jimmy.
Good post Jimmy.
Good post Jimmy.
you’re on fire dude
last paragraph is gold
you’re on fire dude
last paragraph is gold
you’re on fire dude
last paragraph is gold
This mook has the face of a Bleacher Bum and the gait of a 7 year old boy who just got his leg braces removed. He can’t get it up for the sluts and the trolls make him premature ejaculate. Everyone who contributes to this site – Blake, Alec, Matthew, Ken, Justin, Nick – would trade everything they have ever written and published if it meant they could be this dork for one month.
This mook has the face of a Bleacher Bum and the gait of a 7 year old boy who just got his leg braces removed. He can’t get it up for the sluts and the trolls make him premature ejaculate. Everyone who contributes to this site – Blake, Alec, Matthew, Ken, Justin, Nick – would trade everything they have ever written and published if it meant they could be this dork for one month.
This mook has the face of a Bleacher Bum and the gait of a 7 year old boy who just got his leg braces removed. He can’t get it up for the sluts and the trolls make him premature ejaculate. Everyone who contributes to this site – Blake, Alec, Matthew, Ken, Justin, Nick – would trade everything they have ever written and published if it meant they could be this dork for one month.
Finally, we can discuss the Shore. Greatness here, Jimmy. Thank you.
Finally, we can discuss the Shore. Greatness here, Jimmy. Thank you.
Finally, we can discuss the Shore. Greatness here, Jimmy. Thank you.
i’ve been waiting for this moment.
i’ve been waiting for this moment.
i’ve been waiting for this moment.
Doosh. Doosh. Doosh. Doosh-doosh. Doosh-doosh-doosh. Doosh.
Doosh. Doosh. Doosh. Doosh-doosh. Doosh-doosh-doosh. Doosh.
Doosh. Doosh. Doosh. Doosh-doosh. Doosh-doosh-doosh. Doosh.
You, sir, have never seen Blake Butler’s abs.
You, sir, have never seen Blake Butler’s abs.
You, sir, have never seen Blake Butler’s abs.
“I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.”
Anybody that says this is my friend.
“I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.”
Anybody that says this is my friend.
“I necessarily didn’t want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.”
Anybody that says this is my friend.
This is brilliant, Jimmy. I think the only thing you missed is The Situation’s tendency to declare himself the “man of the house” over and over and over again. He really is so strangely clever and baldfacedly douchey that he’s fantastic. Just like the show itself. Great post.
This is brilliant, Jimmy. I think the only thing you missed is The Situation’s tendency to declare himself the “man of the house” over and over and over again. He really is so strangely clever and baldfacedly douchey that he’s fantastic. Just like the show itself. Great post.
This is brilliant, Jimmy. I think the only thing you missed is The Situation’s tendency to declare himself the “man of the house” over and over and over again. He really is so strangely clever and baldfacedly douchey that he’s fantastic. Just like the show itself. Great post.
I like how some of you are treating these assbags like they’re a freakin’ specimen of flower that has never been seen before. Don’t most of you, or all of you, like, live in New York, or have lived in New York? These fucknuts are a dime a dozen. All you have to do is step outside. So now every dipshit with a spray tan from the Northeastern Seaboard deserves a MacArthur Grant? Unless you’re being iron…Oh. Ha. I get it now. Youse guys are like making fun of these fingerfucks by takin’ em seriously. That’s, like, really smart. And shit.
I like how some of you are treating these assbags like they’re a freakin’ specimen of flower that has never been seen before. Don’t most of you, or all of you, like, live in New York, or have lived in New York? These fucknuts are a dime a dozen. All you have to do is step outside. So now every dipshit with a spray tan from the Northeastern Seaboard deserves a MacArthur Grant? Unless you’re being iron…Oh. Ha. I get it now. Youse guys are like making fun of these fingerfucks by takin’ em seriously. That’s, like, really smart. And shit.
I like how some of you are treating these assbags like they’re a freakin’ specimen of flower that has never been seen before. Don’t most of you, or all of you, like, live in New York, or have lived in New York? These fucknuts are a dime a dozen. All you have to do is step outside. So now every dipshit with a spray tan from the Northeastern Seaboard deserves a MacArthur Grant? Unless you’re being iron…Oh. Ha. I get it now. Youse guys are like making fun of these fingerfucks by takin’ em seriously. That’s, like, really smart. And shit.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’m an undergrad, and I actually just wrote a paper for an American poetry class comparing Walt Whitman, Carl Sandburg, and The Situation. I got a 100. College can be fun.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’m an undergrad, and I actually just wrote a paper for an American poetry class comparing Walt Whitman, Carl Sandburg, and The Situation. I got a 100. College can be fun.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’m an undergrad, and I actually just wrote a paper for an American poetry class comparing Walt Whitman, Carl Sandburg, and The Situation. I got a 100. College can be fun.
close, but no — i preferred it when you were vinereal dieseasel
close, but no — i preferred it when you were vinereal dieseasel
This was awesome, Jimmy. ‘The situation’ could also be a way of talking about orientation toward a thing which is, I think, the best thing about your post and what it subtly unpacks.
This was awesome, Jimmy. ‘The situation’ could also be a way of talking about orientation toward a thing which is, I think, the best thing about your post and what it subtly unpacks.
close, but no — i preferred it when you were vinereal dieseasel
This was awesome, Jimmy. ‘The situation’ could also be a way of talking about orientation toward a thing which is, I think, the best thing about your post and what it subtly unpacks.
thank you all, i appreciate it.
thank you all, i appreciate it.
thank you all, i appreciate it.
I’m not doing this to entertain you, Two Lin. The only thing that’s close are yr eyes. Now get back to yr computer and waste some more of yr brain cells trying to make sense of the non-sensical.
I’m not doing this to entertain you, Two Lin. The only thing that’s close are yr eyes. Now get back to yr computer and waste some more of yr brain cells trying to make sense of the non-sensical.
I’m not doing this to entertain you, Two Lin. The only thing that’s close are yr eyes. Now get back to yr computer and waste some more of yr brain cells trying to make sense of the non-sensical.
100/100 = perfect?
100/100 = perfect?
100/100 = perfect?
no balls at least got 2 puns, nice.
no balls at least got 2 puns, nice.
no balls at least got 2 puns, nice.
i loved ‘the fast and the furious’
i loved ‘the fast and the furious’
i loved ‘the fast and the furious’
In awe of this post.
In awe of this post.
In awe of this post.
Sure I have. I ate couscous off of them.
Sure I have. I ate couscous off of them.
Sure I have. I ate couscous off of them.
Gosh, I thought this was the one place I’d be safe from hearing about Jersey Shore. I’m not hating: this post was very well written. But I’m really sick of hearing about this show…
Gosh, I thought this was the one place I’d be safe from hearing about Jersey Shore. I’m not hating: this post was very well written. But I’m really sick of hearing about this show…
Gosh, I thought this was the one place I’d be safe from hearing about Jersey Shore. I’m not hating: this post was very well written. But I’m really sick of hearing about this show…