October 3rd, 2014 / 4:33 pm
 Snippets
—

EVERYBODY, HELP! I’M AT THE GROCERY STORE AND TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN RED AND GREEN PEPPERS FOR STUFFED PEPPERS! WHAT SHOULD I DO?

 

UPDATE:
CLOSURE!

peppers

58 Comments

  1. October 3rd, 2014 / 4:40 pm Rauan Klassnik—

      red. you might take a little gender flak for such a brave decision. but they are much better. and don’t cause physical heartburn.

  2. October 3rd, 2014 / 4:52 pm Adam—

      I always do some of both… duh

  3. October 3rd, 2014 / 4:54 pm Bobby Dixon—

      green

  4. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:01 pm Gene Morgan—

      Have you considered yellow?

  5. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:25 pm Adam Robinson—

      Red!! Hope I’m not too late.

  6. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:34 pm Matthew Simmons—

      OKAY WE WENT WITH RED. THEY SEEM TO HAVE A NICE NATURAL SWEETNESS THAT OFFSETS THE FETA.

  7. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:34 pm Matthew Simmons—

      THIS SEEMS AWFULLY INDECISIVE OF YOU.

  8. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:34 pm Matthew Simmons—

      NICE TRY, BOBBY. BUT YOU CAN’T FOOL ME. I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT RED IS SUPERIOR.

  9. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:35 pm Matthew Simmons—

      JUST IN TIME!

  10. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:35 pm Matthew Simmons—

      SHUT UP, GENE. JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. SHUT YOUR FILTHY, AWFUL MOUTH.

      …

      HUH. MAYBE WE SHOULD’VE GONE WITH ORANGE…

  11. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:41 pm ĴɎĦ—

      Really depends on two things:
      1> With what are you stuffing them?

      1A> And what color is that stuffing?

      1Aa> And do you care about the appearance of the dish?

      …

  12. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:42 pm drewkalbach—

      obviously both, why is this an issue, get all the peppers.

  13. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:42 pm mimi—

      i hope you yelled that out in the middle of the produce section at the grocery store, i would love it if someone did that while i was at the grocery store

  14. October 3rd, 2014 / 5:43 pm drewkalbach—

      we need more shitposts and shitcomments. matthew, this is a pretty good shitpost, but people need to step it up.

  15. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:01 pm Bobby Dixon—

      i concede

  16. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:04 pm Matthew Simmons—

      I DEFEAT MY ENEMIES WITH THE POWER OD CAPITAL LETTERS.

      HEY, WHERE THE HELL IS ZZZZZZIP OR WHATEVER?

  17. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:06 pm Matthew Simmons—

      WE’RE BRINGING THE PEPPERS OVER TO A LADY WHO JUST HAD A BABY. SHE WILL EAT THEM AND TURN THEM INTO MILK FOR THE BABY. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER.

      OH, AND TURKEY AND FETA AND ONIONS. SO THE STUFFING IS GRAY, I GUESS? (WE’RE GOOD AT COOKING AND YOU SHOULD ALL COME OVER FOR DINNER.)

  18. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:07 pm Matthew Simmons—

      ONE! ONLY ONE KIND OF PEPPER, DREW. WE ADMIRE SYMMETRY.

  19. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:08 pm Matthew Simmons—

      I DID, I DID! I USED A VOICE INTERFACE ON MY PHONE TO MAKE THIS POST.

      “POST ON INTERNET! POST ON INTERNET!” I SHOUTED AS I WAS ESCORTED FROM THE BUILDING.

  20. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:08 pm Matthew Simmons—

      I AM ONLY ONE MAN.

  21. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:15 pm drewkalbach—

      split yourself.

      try harder.

      you of all people i believe can.

  22. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:25 pm Sara June Woods—

      C’MON. RED. DUH. EASY.

  23. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:26 pm Sara June Woods—

      YEA FUCK GREEN PEPS WHO CARES GREEN.

  24. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:26 pm mimi—

      this morning when i was at the grocery store i saw a guy take a donut from the self-serve donut case, start eating it walking through the store (he took a haphazard route), and finish it before he walked out the door

      i was so conflicted! i didn’t know what to do!!

      bruised sense of justice/right-from-wrong (i ALWAYS pay for my donuts!!) vs. weirdo retaliation/weirdo security guard (i go in this store regularly)/admittedly weird nature of my following him to see if he’d pay for the donut

  25. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:27 pm Sara June Woods—

      SHIT HARDER, DREW

  26. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:28 pm drewkalbach—

      join me in the shitposts

      for this is the end

  27. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:33 pm Matthew Simmons—

      NOW THAT YOU ARE RACKED WITH GUILT, YOU SHOULD DON A CAPE AND FIGHT CRIME IN THE NIGHT.

  28. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:34 pm Matthew Simmons—

      THANK YOU! IT WAS, IN THE END, A PRETTY EASY CHOICE. I THINK I JUST PANICKED.

  29. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:34 pm Matthew Simmons—

      K.

  30. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:35 pm drewkalbach—

      awesome shitpost

      9/10

  31. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:36 pm Matthew Simmons—

      I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR, LIKE, THREE MORE WEEKS?!?!

  32. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:36 pm Matthew Simmons—

      SO CLOSE, THO

  33. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:37 pm Matthew Simmons—

      TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

      WHERE THE HELL IS BLAKE?

  34. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:38 pm drewkalbach—

      yeah pretty much

      it’ll be glorious

      for posterity

  35. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:38 pm deadgod—

      if you follow your spirit animal into a parking lot, your magick gets adopted from its orphanage, just a pro tip

  36. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:39 pm Matthew Simmons—

      ALSO, CAN MY ACCOUNT BE BLOCKED FROM THE RECENT COMMENTS BAR. I KEEP SEEING THAT PICTURE OF ME WITH MY DEAD CAT AND IT’S BUMMING ME OUT

  37. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:40 pm deadgod—

      stuff the red peppers with green-pepper guts and the green peppers with red-pepper guts

      then stuff yourself with lasagne duh

  38. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:41 pm deadgod—

      a spirit animal that’s an animal spirit doesn’t bum me out tho brother

  39. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:46 pm mimi—

      I AM NOT RACKED WITH GUILT (NOR AM I WRACKED WITH GUILT!!!) BUT WITH AN INCENSED SENSE OF INJUSTICE UNCHECKED

      WHERE IS ZIPPPY???

  40. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:52 pm mimi—
  41. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:53 pm Matthew Simmons—

      HAH! WRACKED! NOT EVEN GOING TO EDIT THAT. WE’RE ALL ABOUT SPEED HERE IN THE PRODUCE SECTION OF THE GROCERY STORE. (I SNUCK BACK IN AND AM HIDING BEHIND THE DINOSAUR KALE.

  42. October 3rd, 2014 / 6:56 pm Matthew Simmons—

      ON THE LAST DAY OF HTMLGIANT, IT WILL BE REVEALED THAT DEADGOD IS THE BLOG-COMMENT & TWITTER-BOUND MANIFESTATION OF THE SPIRIT OF MY DEAD CAT.

  43. October 3rd, 2014 / 7:01 pm deadgod—

      my spirit animal is an event horizon

  44. October 3rd, 2014 / 7:02 pm deadgod—

      probably never been called better

  45. October 3rd, 2014 / 7:05 pm Bobby Dixon—

      i just got chills yo

  46. October 3rd, 2014 / 7:12 pm mimi—

      my owl can see your event horizon

      edit: *see past*

      ; )

  47. October 3rd, 2014 / 11:32 pm Sara June Woods—

      ZZZZZZZZIP IS MY FAVORITE HTMLG CONTRIBUTOR

  48. October 3rd, 2014 / 11:34 pm Sara June Woods—

      BSCLY YA

  49. October 3rd, 2014 / 11:36 pm Sara June Woods—

      considering posting my entire unpublished chapbook manuscript in the comments to this peppers thing

  50. October 3rd, 2014 / 11:42 pm Richard Grayson—
  51. October 4th, 2014 / 12:53 am Matthew Simmons—

      ONLY IF IT IS FOOD-RELATED. LIT BLOGGING IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

  52. October 4th, 2014 / 12:53 am Matthew Simmons—

      POLITICS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, TOO.

  53. October 4th, 2014 / 3:00 am mimi—

      hey, wait a minute
      you didn’t really take the quiz, did you

  54. October 4th, 2014 / 3:00 am mimi—

      GO FOR IT ! ! !

  55. October 4th, 2014 / 3:12 am mimi—

      POSTerity
      LOL

  56. October 4th, 2014 / 3:14 am mimi—

      i think THIS POST, THE ‘peppers’ POST, is the perfect venue for the uncontrolled flameout gene called for

  57. October 4th, 2014 / 3:16 am mimi—

      whoa
      “uncontrolled flameout gene”
      sounds like an inheritable mental health disorder

  58. October 4th, 2014 / 3:27 am Matthew Simmons—

      ON THE CONTRARY, I BELIEVE THE PEPPERS POST MAY OFFER A MUCH NEEDED RESPITE FROM THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE CHAOS TO COME. I BELIEVE IT WILL HELP PEOPLE.

      BUT THEN, I HAVE AN ENORMOUSLY DELUSIONAL SENSE OF THE VALUE OF MY WORK. I’M BASICALLY THE WORST.