tim o’brien

What Famous People’s P$ss$$s Look Like

gorge

[ Just as Shakespeare jauntily lifted and displayed pieces from his great store load of words pertaining to and characterizing people’s privates (including “nothing,” a favorite among feminists!) I have decided to whip out here some closely guarded tidbits about famous people’s pussies. So, come on, slap your thighs, crunch peanuts in the pit, and gaze up, all forlorn, at the sultry clouds.

And, above all, enjoy. ]

pig and dogs

everyone adores a cute little pig!

A non-pregnant Kim Kardashian’s is a furry teacup pig on its day at the spa. Showing off its nails and gleaming skin. The clit’s a snout and it makes gorgeous and empty little squeals that no man can resist.

poor thing!

poor thing!

Paris Hilton’s is very much like a starved Flamingo curled up into a sad ball on the fringes of the high-acid waters of some South American crater lake. The sky’s filled with hotels and jails and at night the stars crowd in like ghoulish paparazzi. . . And the starved flamingo shivers like a scared Chihuahua that pees on Paris’s marble floors whenever it’s afraid or excited.

(Cormac McCarthy’s trying to work this dish into a new disaster novel). READ MORE >

Behind the Scenes & Massive People & Mean & Random / 9 Comments
June 10th, 2013 / 4:32 pm

Cowering Literary Peons

This post’s a bit apples and oranges. Or rotten bananas and rotten (or as we say “Vrot”) pineapples. In fact it’s not very organized. And it is a response, in a way, to Blake Butler’s 15 Towering Literary Giants.

But, what’s a Cowering Literary Peon??

—a weasel?

—an overrated supposed Giant?

—a talentless p.o.s.?

—a fucking weasel?

—a fraction and no more than a real Towering Giant who came before?

A mix maybe. Or maybe just one of the above. And again, this is all apples and bananas. Etc. Etc.

READ MORE >

Author Spotlight & Massive People & Mean / 74 Comments
October 26th, 2009 / 8:08 pm